Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fitbit Cheat Challenge

Many, many steps
  [vote for,

The fitbit and similar devices use accelerometers to track the number of steps an individual takes each day. Those so inclined can take personal pride or chagrin in these numbers, or establish pecking orders among like minded step trackers.

But how to cheat? How to smugly declare an enormous number of steps while taking the minimal number of steps to avoid soiling one's self? This too is a challenge.

The fitbit cheat challenge starts competitors with the same devices and the goal is to record the maximum of steps. Hacking the device itself may or may not be allowed.

bungston, Mar 02 2018


       // Hacking the device itself may or may not be allowed //   

       But if the hacking is done well, there will be no way of knowing, shirley ?   

       It seems odd to have any rules for an activity which is itself nothing more than blatant cheating ...
8th of 7, Mar 02 2018

       You could probably get it to log birdstrikes.
normzone, Mar 02 2018

       Any oblong-rotary durability test rig should suffice. Speeding up the clock rate and optimizing the shake input would be interesting. Liquid cooling allowed?
RayfordSteele, Mar 02 2018

       /It seems odd to have any rules for an activity/   

       Maybe the rule should be that if any other competitor uses the same method you do, both entries are disqualified. So: hacking the output to read some 10^500 type number is doable, but if a competitor does that also both of you are out.
bungston, Mar 02 2018

       I have a rotary shaking incubator that'll run up to about 120rpm. For a modest fee, it can accommodate your fitbit. I can also crank it up to maybe 50°C if you want to tell your friends you've just done a trans-Saharan marathon.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 02 2018

       // I have a rotary shaking incubator that'll run up to about 120rpm .... crank it up to maybe 50°C //...   

       ... and that's entirely your own fault. That bloke in the pub was selling ostrich eggs with lumps of pineapple skin glued on, and painted green. They were NOT dragon eggs. If you had looked closely you would have noticed that it was (a) the same bloke who sold you the genuine Velociraptor eggs last year, (b) that he had a false moustache and eyebrows, (c) that the false moustache, spectacles, eyebrows and cigar were all joined together, because it was the Groucho Marx kit that we got you for the fancy dress party, and (d) he was your brother.   

       But no, you paid him all that money for an egg and the "special" incubator.   

       Yes, they did hatch. May we remind you of what emerged both times ? Neither velociraptors nor dragons are known for being covered in soft, downy feathers, making peep-peep noises, or pecking at seeds. They were, in fact, baby ostriches.   

       If you look out of the window you will see they are now grown up ostriches. Not dragons. Not velociraptors. The knitted suits aren't fooling anyone.   

       And what was it the year before ? Oh yes, the Roc. That would be the emu running round with the two ostriches, in the knitted Roc costume, would it ?   

       How many of those incubators have you bought now ? Four ? Five ? They're on eBay for USD $49.99 with free shipping, you know. Yes, they go very fast and they get very hot. If you look on the rating plate, you'll see that they're marked "110-120 Volts A.C., 60 Hz". You can see that if you peel off the handwritten paper label that reads "SPESHUL ELEKTRIQ DRAGN EG INKYOBAYTER (EXTRER HOOT)". He just changes the mains plug for a three-pin one.
8th of 7, Mar 02 2018

       Has anyone invented the fuckbit yet? Maybe I just have.
xenzag, Mar 02 2018

       Ostriches? I was wondering why they tasted like chicken.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 02 2018

       Meh, I just tie mine to the dog’s collar then throw the ball down the hill whilst drinking beer on my verandah.
AusCan531, Mar 02 2018

       Got ya all beat. Pre-schooler on orange juice. The previous pedometer we tried just melted.
RayfordSteele, Mar 02 2018

       Orange juice is no good - you need "Orange flavour beverage", the cheapest you can get, with lots of high fructose corn syrup and synthetic flavourings and colourings, the ones that trigger ADHD. Keeps 'em goin' like roadrunners until their chemically-overstimulated little hearts go into VF, or they have a massive stroke.   

       Either is acceptable ...
8th of 7, Mar 03 2018


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