Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Flavor-Be-Gone, the Un Spice.

Deadening agent in the powder you sprinkle on your food deadens your taste buds.
  (+6, -2)
(+6, -2)
  [vote for,

Going to a vegan's house for dinner? Bring along a bottle of 'Doctorremulac3's Tasteslayer Semi-Safe Taste Bud Anesthetic Powder"

A few dashes on even the most horrible tasting food puts your taste buds to sleep for the duration of the meal. Now you'll be able to smile and nod when you're host asks if you like it! (You'll be referring to the fact that you don't taste it, so technically you won't be lying.)

Perfect gift for the lousy cook too.

Another fun product from Remucon3 Chemical Warfare Innovations. (food spice division)

doctorremulac3, May 10 2020

Silent Running https://www.youtube...watch?v=6WVspvb3c3o
[xenzag, May 11 2020]


       If you're stupid enough to associate with beardy-wierdie kaftan-and-sandals wearing tree-hugging ecofascists, you deserve to suffer.   

       Go out and kill something and roast it over an open fire.   

       Besides, isn't this just "miracle fruit" ?
8th of 7, May 10 2020

       I recall there was once an odor-eliminating spray product, the "heavy duty" variant of which was based on preventing the ability to smell.
tatterdemalion, May 10 2020

8th of 7, May 10 2020

       Hmm, (reviewing ideas) Can't be too deadly. We want our customers to survive so we can continue to sell them stuff.
doctorremulac3, May 11 2020

       Good idea. More tactful than the obligatory container of Tabasco or Old Bay.   

whatrock, May 11 2020


       This actually does have lineage in spice history. I've mentioned before that spices were initially used to make rotten food more palatable. It wasn't about "Hey, let's make our food more exciting and pep it up a bit!" It was like "It's less vomity with this red powder. Easier to keep down.".   

       That being said I've done zero research and just made that up. Might be true, might not be but I know that's the case with ketchup.
doctorremulac3, May 11 2020

       Thinking about the odor eliminating spray more, I think there will need to be a certain de-olfactory element to this.   

       It may get you more than half-way there, considering how much of factor the aroma of food plays regards the taste. Bad cold, for example, often means shitty tasting. Covid-19 has such an effect on both senses that there's a suggestion that loss of them is a symptom of infection. So what's down that road a bit...   

       Sometimes you say spice, other times taste or flavor. These can often be different things so some disambiguation would be useful, otherwise a glass of milk with the capsaicin-spicy meal does the trick.
tatterdemalion, May 11 2020

       sp. weirdie
pertinax, May 11 2020

       See link for scene from film Silent Running, where Bruce Dern gets into an argument with the 3 oiks who are on the same mission. They insist on a preference for eating artificial food, as Dern enjoys his natural wholefood vegies. It's a great film for so many reasons.
xenzag, May 11 2020

       I'm so insulted. Being a vegan does not mean my cooking tastes yucky. My curry and my Pad Thai are mouth-watering examples. My Vegan Chili has been the hit at the potluck at work more than once.   

       Soooo... a huge fish ass carcass for you, and a slap sideways on your face.
blissmiss, May 15 2020

       Don't worry blissy..... vegan food is the biz. It's a rapidly growing trend, especially amongst creatives. I actually don't know anyone who eats meat and my circle of friends, and contacts via various art colleges; design and photo studios is literally in the thousands. Just enjoy being with the cool people.
xenzag, May 15 2020

       Yes, do that. Stay shivering in the shadows, while the warm people sit close to the campfire, farting, drinking beer, roasting big chunks of fresh meat and cleaning the rifles ready for another day's gratuitous slaughter tomorrow.
8th of 7, May 15 2020

       We prefer to leave the cannibals in their soundproof enclosure, so you're totally safe to get on with your munching and crunching. A word of warning - mind out for any of your relatives that are filled with bleach or ultra-violet light bulbs.
xenzag, May 15 2020

       You could create this quite simply and entirely mechanically. Basically, under one elbow have a sealed pouch filled with porridge. Under the other elbow have an empty, closed flexible receptacle. Each of these bladder-like or bellows-like containers is connected to a long tube that runs down inside your sleeves and terminates in a discrete nozzle mounted along your index finger, attached by (and partly concealed by) a flamboyant signet ring.   

       The right index finger ring can contain a gemstone with positive, nutritious associations, and is engraved with zodiaiical symbols promoting health, wholesomeness and blandness. The left index finger ring can contain a gemstone associated with poison, and be engraved with mystical symbols associated with death and decay.   

       To use this system, you point ostentatiously at the spicy food with your left index finger and say "this is too spicy", and you lift your left elbow, actuating the bellows and sucking the food all up into the concealed tube and receptacle. At the same time you gesture enigmatically with your right index finger and squeeze your right elbow down, squirting cold porridge onto the plate through the concealed tube. "That's better - bland and tasteless, just how I like it" you murmer with a little wriggle of anticipation.
pocmloc, May 15 2020

       // bland and tasteless, just how I like it //   

       ... and when Taco Bell's lawyers have finished with you, there won't be anything left to bury.   

       Anybody care for some Scintillating Jewelled Scuttling Crab on the half-shell ? It's a bit charred, but very, very tasty....
8th of 7, May 15 2020

       Yes please, so long as I can smash them mercilessly with my iron mallet while getting very drunk.
whatrock, May 15 2020

       Of course. Pull up a dewy-eyed gazelle-like creature and sit down. Don't worry, its back will snap anyway. They always do.   

       <Proffers Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster/>
8th of 7, May 15 2020

       doctor, One joke deserves another joke. I have been slapping people sideways here since before you were born. Not only can I take a joke, but I can cook one up too. hahaha, get it, so sorry you thought I was upset or being mean. Maybe it was the "ass of a carcass" that made you think that. But really, I only said that because it rhymed.
blissmiss, May 16 2020

       Well I'm sorry I said vegan food tastes bad. I'm sure you're cooking is very good.   

       I on the other hand am a terrible cook who would probably manage to over cook the ice cream or leave the oatmeal in the freezer too long.
doctorremulac3, May 16 2020

       Isn't that Plutonium ? We never knew it had a culinary use ...
8th of 7, May 16 2020


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