Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Floor Sanding Party Over Soles

a.k.a. Doing The Sand-Dango
  (+12, -2)(+12, -2)
(+12, -2)
  [vote for,

When you have want your previously carpeted wooden floors sanded down and varnished, until now has been a lot of tiresome work, but not any more. You just need to have a Floor Sanding Party.

For this you will need multiple sets of foot shaped slip-ons that the guests put on when they arrive. These are like in-soles, only they go on the outside of the shoes, and are held in place by simple elasticated straps.

They come in a variety of sizes, shapes and grades of sand, so that as the night progresses, guests are gradually introduced to finer particle soles to finish off the job. Loitering and shuffling around along the edges of the room and in tight corners with pointy shoes is particularly encouraged.

Special break-dancing, sand coated waist-coats are also available for the more adventurous revellers, who like to spin around on the floor on their backs.

xenzag, Dec 29 2008

"I ain't got nobody....." Mills Brothers http://www.youtube....watch?v=ruLIkHIIuwE
wonderful, and perfect for sanding! [xenzag, Dec 30 2008]

Juke Box Joes http://www.youtube....K_8&feature=related
will there be any floor boards left after this lot? [xenzag, Dec 30 2008]


       You had better include masks or there'll be a floor sanding party class action suit.
Spacecoyote, Dec 29 2008

       I forsee grooves between the keg and the chips. Not the groovy kind of grooves, either.
bungston, Dec 29 2008

       'Twould be a start.
wagster, Dec 29 2008

       Special stiletto edging tool?
ricchris, Dec 29 2008

       You've never sanded a floor before, have you.
WcW, Dec 30 2008

       Actually I have sanded several complete floors. All recent ones were done using "proper" hired equipment - but for the first one I ever did all I had to use was a hand held, belt sander, so I had to traverse the floor on my hands and knees. It was back-breaking, hard and dirty work (I did have the loan of a good air-feed mask), followed by 5 coats of Rustin's varnish, with hand "wire-wooling" in between each coat. I know that the idea of sanding using shoe-slip ons is a foolish notion.... but then that's why it's here!
xenzag, Dec 30 2008

       Yeah - the hand-held belt sander option. Tried that. My back divorced me.
wagster, Dec 30 2008

       // I know that the idea of sanding using shoe-slip ons is a foolish notion.... but then that's why it's here! //   

       You often adopt that attitude to defend against criticism of your ideas. It's a bit defeatist isn't it? It's like saying everything you write on here isn't worth twoddle, and, by association, you're implying that neither is anything I've written on here, or [wags] or [bungston] or anyone else.   

       It's a bit like Samuel Beckett intentionally deconstructing the illusion of his plays, grounding the audience in reality and reminding them that the story they're watching isn't real, it's just a play, and really, all things being considered, doesn't mean twoddle. Although a groundbreaking artistic concept at the time, it''s a just a bit shit to watch.
theleopard, Dec 30 2008

       may I have this dance ? +
xandram, Dec 30 2008

       //It's a bit like Samuel Beckett intentionally...// no it's not unless you chose this depth of comparison, which I think is rather over the top. Have a cream bun for your next idea instead of a croissant, you sound like you need some new year cheer. Come around to my house, and you can do the sandy-shuffle to the strains of the Andrews Sisters or even the Mills Brothers :-) [see link]
xenzag, Dec 30 2008

       I was just trying to convey that prolonging the illusion is more fun than destroying it. In this case, rallying behind your idea is more fun than defending your sullied knowledge of sanding floors.   

       When an author says his own work is worthless, why should others read it?
theleopard, Dec 30 2008

       Because authors are sometimes their own harshest critics.
Spacecoyote, Dec 30 2008

       Foolish and worthless are not the same thing at all.
wagster, Dec 30 2008

       //may I have this dance ?// - lindy hop or jive? I do both equally badly.
xenzag, Dec 30 2008

       Presuming the sand-paper oversoles are attached to feet that are attached to legs that have a common point (pelvis) plus a knee that has only certain operations related to the geometry of the intial structure. And presuming you have bipedal guests, you could still sand a three sphere, coutesy of Grisha Perelman.
4whom, Dec 30 2008

       This must take true grit.   


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