Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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Fluidic Bearing 800lb Lawn Chair

Grind a concrete chair and pour water under it
  [vote for,

I want my lawn furniture to last longer than the Roman Empire did, which means solid concrete construction, or possibly carved granite. Such a lawn chair would weigh well over 800 pounds and would resemble a cube with a smaller cube missing. It would last practically forever.

This raises the question of how to move or reposition the furniture. The chair would have a fitting to connect a garden hose, which would flow water into a cavity on the underside of the chair. The bottom of the chair and top of the patio would both be ground and polished stone, which with water would form a fluidic bearing for effortless repositioning of the furniture.

sninctown, Apr 16 2021

Suitable lawn reinforcement https://www.tobermo...k-paving/turfstone/
[pocmloc, Apr 17 2021]


       This is a much more practical idea than my thoughts about how to retroactively shorten the duration of the Roman Empire.
AusCan531, Apr 17 2021

       Allow me to interrupt.   

       The duration of the Roman Empire was zero years. This is because, during those centuries when it resembled de facto our modern conception of an empire it was de jure a republic, and by the time it had reformed its laws to recognise it's political reality*, it had become Byzantine.   

       Ergo and ipso facto, the warranty on your lawn chair is void.   

       *Don't mention the Tetrarchy.
pertinax, Apr 17 2021

       Regarding the idea, would the hose be fed from an aqueduct?
pertinax, Apr 17 2021

       As much as I would like to build a house to last 1000 years (concrete and/or granite blocks), I'd like to start with the lawn furniture first. Then maybe a BBQ grill made from a high temperature glass. Then the aqueduct house.
sninctown, Apr 17 2021

       It doesn't sound very comfortable [-] or practical [+]
Voice, Apr 17 2021

       I sometimes make solid stone birdhouses that might last longer than our civilization.
True story.
Just thought I'd share.

       There is a fundamental problem with this idea.   

       The described mechanism works just fine, with the stone or concrete chair gliding smoothly along the polished stone or concrete patio on its water bearing.   

       However the chair is explicitly designated to be a //lawn// chair on three separate occasions.   

       I have a feeling that once the chair has been slid off the patio where it does not belong (perhaps it is temporarily stored on the patio?) onto the lawn, the proposed sliding action will be somewhat less efficatious.
pocmloc, Apr 17 2021

       Fie, just needs more water pressure.
Voice, Apr 17 2021

       That would tend to turn your lawn into the Everglades, where you're trying to manoeuvre a fan boat made of granite.
pertinax, Apr 17 2021

       You say that like it's a bad thing.
Voice, Apr 17 2021

       I like this, but it would disappear on any lawn as the pressurised water excavates the ground beneath it. This makes me like it even more. +
xenzag, Apr 17 2021

       + because I am a worshipper of lawnchairs, I was thinking if Some water was placed inside the chair it would be like a little pool to sunbathe in. Need a floaty cushion because I think it hurts to lay on cement.
xandram, Apr 17 2021

       Isn't that just a hot tub, except without the bubbles?
Voice, Apr 17 2021

       ^ not like a hot tub because the water would not be that deep. Just a cooling chair, I think cement stays pretty cool.
xandram, Apr 17 2021

       A // solid stone birdhouse // is a fitting memorial to our civilization. May the birds live happily.   

       Good point that this furniture would sink into a // lawn //. Perhaps it would be better called patio furniture, and for the lawn each chair could (instead of the fluidic bearing) have a large section extending deep into the Earth in the manner of a Stonehenge boulder or an island Moai statue.   

       Repositioning the furniture could perhaps also take a lesson from "anvil launching" and use an explosive charge to loft the chair briefly into the air.
sninctown, Apr 17 2021

       Thinking of the cement walks that surround our local swimming pool, and how hot they get in the middle of summer, and how that feels on your bikini-wearing ass, this is a lawsuit just waiting to happen. But otherwise a pretty great idea.
blissmiss, Apr 17 2021


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