h a l f b a k e r y
Contrary to popular belief
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So, people with food allergies exist. Some of them I am
sure are legitimate people with legitimate problems who
are just trying to get on with their lives. Now, the ones I
meet at parties are a different breed. I'm not allergic to
anything, well, I might be, but who's got the time for that?
people I meet at parties, that's who. Its seems to be
some form of competitive social masochistic one
upmanship. It usually starts with a small group of light
drinkers, one of whom declares their vegetarianism.
Before long, someone goes nuclear with veganism, with
nut, grass, pollen, gluten and cat allergies*. I think it's
because they have nothing else to talk about.
Let's sort it out. A game show. To be titled [insert
country]'s most allergic! Contestants claiming an
impressive array of allergies come on the show. They are
tested for allergies by qualified medical professionals,
blood tests are revealed live for antibodies, histamine
levels, cortisol and what not. Anyone caught faking an
allergy is roundly booed by the audience and contractually
obliged to eat a whole lot of the thing they're not allergic
Eventually, a leader board will develop and the most
allergic will be invited back for the finals. The finals will
involve a whole lot of exotic foods from around the world.
Contestants will be unaware of their allergic status to
these foods, the winner will, of course, be the person with
the most total allergies, possibly discovering two or three
new ones in the finals. This will also be their prize, since it
will make them top dog at parties. The fakers get shamed.
Possibly enough that they have to go and read books, or
*but tiddles is my life!!!!
||EpiPen® s at 20 paces as a side show ?
||the medical professionals are on hand. Obviously no one
WANTS to see a life threatening allergic reaction on TV...
but it would be heart warming to learn that they'd
survived.... after the break
||It would help to know WHY they are allergic. I've just read an abstract which says people with allergies get significantly lower rates of pancreatic cancer.
||"Bubble boy wins again..."
||//"Bubble boy wins again..."//
||Difficult to be allergic to things when you don't have a
functioning immune system.
||Oddly enough, when I was a kid we had an old house, and
my room had wallpaper over very old and loose plaster. We
also had house-spiders of prodigious proportions (Google
||Consequently, at night it was possible to hear these things
walking up the walls - pit-tap-pit-scratch.
||After about 20 years of arachnophobia, I decided to sort it
out by buying a pet tarantula, on the grounds that they are
big and hamstery and not prone to rapid movement. My first
discovery was that tarantulas can, in fact, move very very
fast when they choose to - approximately one arm's-length
in a second or so.
||However, in the end we (Phideaux and me) reached a mutual
understanding about sudden movements. Thereafter, all