Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Happy Pig Game

“A brilliant effort there by Sandra and Keith with a time of four minutes and twenty three seconds. For the final section we’ll be going to Warminster, where Edith and Bill Parsons will be playing….. HAPPY PIG GAME!!!! (Frantic applause) See you after the break!”
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“Welcome back to…… HAPPY PIG GAME!! We’re here in Warminster where Edith and Bill live in their three bed bungalow. Bill is a quantity surveyor and Edith writes for a macramé magazine. They have one daughter at university and one son who is still living at home. They’re getting ready to play the final round of the game. Edith, how do you think you’ll do?”

“Well, I grew up with pigs so I reckon I’ve a good chance of outwitting this one. They’re clever and have an amazing sense of smell but I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“Bill, any thoughts?”

“Ah’ve nevah had no pig get wun over on me yet.”

“Well let’s hope this one won’t either Bill. You both know the rules, you have carefully hidden ten bowls of pigswill around your house at a height of less than one metre. We’re going to let ‘Truffles’, our 460kg Tamworth sow into your house to search for the food. If she takes more than four minutes and twenty seconds to find and eat all the food then you get the pig and we fix the house. If not, you’ll be cleaning up on your own. Let’s play… HAPPY PIG GAME!!! (Rampant applause)

“In she goes into the hall and there goes the hall table – what a beautiful vase that was and a nice table too, never mind now. She’s found the first bowl hidden in the fireplace, it’s eaten and she’s tramping ash down the hall and into the kitchen. She can smell something in that cupboard, she’s nuzzling it and the door’s come off it’s hinges.


“Three minutes fifty-five and she’s still got one bowl to go. She knows it’s under the sofa, but she’s having difficulty dismantling it, no she isn’t – there goes the sofa with a horrible cracking sound and she’s through the front of it. Look at her go, making mincemeat of the upholstery, she’s got he bowl and she’s eaten the food!!! Four minutes and twelve seconds - well done Truffles!

“Sorry Edith, sorry Bill, you just weren’t smart enough for the pig. We’ll leave you and what was once your home right here and return to Colchester where Sandra and Keith have just won this beautiful pig and full repairs to their house!”

wagster, Jul 05 2005

(?) Tamworth Pig http://images.googl...e%3Dactive%26sa%3DG
Just so you know what breed it is that's just wrecked your house. [DrBob, Jul 05 2005]

Ditch the boy, keep the pig http://en.wikipedia...iki/Parasite_single
[calum, Jul 05 2005]


       Excellent. I look forward to seeing Truffles rampaging around Windsor Castle soon.
DrBob, Jul 05 2005

       Nothing like rooting for the home team.   

       Thanks [DrBob], I had no idea they were endangered, or ginger. I just like the name.
wagster, Jul 05 2005

       Good enough for me! ;o)
DrBob, Jul 05 2005

       Is the pig actually happy, though?
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2005

       I'd be happy if you hid food all over my house for me to find and eat.
wagster, Jul 06 2005

       //I'd be happy if you hid food all over my house // For anyone with teenage boys, hiding food is a way of life.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 06 2005


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