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Form Completion Requisition Form

"Could you fill this out in triplicate, please?"
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We've all encountered Kafkaesque bureaucracy at work at times, whether it be at the Unemployment Centre, the Bank, Insurance Companies or wherever. We've all experienced the tedium of endless, repetitive forms gleefully foisted upon us by jobsworths. Wouldn't you like to turn the tables?

Picture the scene: as Joe Bloggs down the Broo gives you form AB400XY v.23 (a/1) to fill out yet again, in order to state as a matter of record that, yes, you are looking for work, yes, every day, yes, in all the available papers, etc., you turn around and hit him back with the Form Completion Recquisition Form. I'm sorry, you say. You want me to complete this form for you? You'll have to fill out this form, recquisitioning aforesaid completed form.

The FCQRF(1.a), as I see it, should require no more than the basic information that anyone disclosing personal details is entitled to know. In what media will this information be stored and/or circulated (paper/electronic/verbal - please check all that apply)? What level of protection is afforded to these media? Do all filing cabinets have functional locks? Are computer systems linked to Internet? Do they have firewalls? What preventative measures do you have in case of viruses? And so on.

Naturally, the most important section of the form will deal with the character of those with responsibility over your information. Do they have a criminal record? A history of mental illness - personally / within close family? Political or religious affiliations? If so, please specify. Do you take any mood-altering narcotics during or without working hours? Have you done so in the past? Does the company require mandatory drugs testing? Can medical proof be provided? Are references available? What made you want this job? How would you rate yourself in terms of a) competence b) initiative c) compassion d) tolerance? Have you ever made derogatory comments about someone because of a) Disability b) Ethnic Origin c) Gender d) Sexual Orientation e) Fashion Sense? These are all relevant questions, I feel. We have the right to know whether we should trust these people with our private details. This section would, of course, have to be completed by Joe Bloggs himself, his immediate line manager, and his manager in turn. Addresses should be provided in case of any legal action that may be required.

To paraphrase Arlo Guthrie:

"If one person does it, they'll say he's mad and they won't listen. If two people do it, well they'll probably just say they're fags and they still won't listen. But if three people, I say, if three people do it, why then, folks, we got ourselves a movement."

Guy Fox, Jul 10 2001


       I feel your pain, but... - rant?
angel, Jul 10 2001

       Ranty outside, chewy center. I like it.
jutta, Jul 10 2001

       briliant, just briliant... what do I have to sign to get one?
RobertKidney, Jul 10 2001

       "This is your receipt for your husband, and this is my receipt for your receipt." (Terry Gilliam's "Brazil")
baf, Jul 10 2001

       wikkked Guy Fox. . . love your work
benfrost, Jul 10 2001

       RK: haven't we already discussed your spelling of this word?   

       But, yes, this idea is B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T!
El Pedanto, Jul 10 2001

       you got the wrong man... I think... maybe... then again I never realy learnt how to spell...
RobertKidney, Jul 10 2001

       RK: Please review the post titled "Kitchen Floor Conveyor". You know, your annotations are very similar.
El Pedanto, Jul 10 2001

       El Ped, you missed the obvious one. (I don't think it's just a UK spelling thing but...) isn't it R-E-Q-U-I-S-I-T-I-O-N...? without the 'C', I mean. You have the 'c' when it's an acquisition, but not a requisition. Because I can acquire something, if I require it.
lewisgirl, Jul 10 2001

       <<<slapping hand to forehead>>>> lewisgirl, would you like to fill out an application form to be my sidekick? ;-)
El Pedanto, Jul 10 2001

       would you like to give me a requisition form for that application? I gotta know who I'm working for. SHVNMO reference number as well please.
lewisgirl, Jul 10 2001

       // fcqrf // - 'form completion requisition form' - what's the 'q' mean?
mihali, Jul 10 2001

       "Requisition". Ah, well. What can I say, except to plead Scottishness, and mumble incoherently in my broad Glasgow accent about English being my second language? :>   

       mihali: The 'q' is, of course, to distiguish this from the Form FCCRF(1.a), otherwise known as the Form Completion Certification Form, required to be filled out by bureaucratic dogsbody, line manager and manager, etc, upon receipt of the (completed) form which initially required the Form Completion Requisition Form's completion. This form (that is to say, the FCCRF(1.a) or Form Completion Certification Form) certifies that aforesaid bureaucrats have, in fact received the completed form as requisitioned in the FCQRF(1.a) or Form Completion Requisition Form. Signatures of aforesaid bureacrats upon aforesaid form (Form FCCRF(1.a) or Form Completion Certification Form) shall be held to be legally and contractually binding documentation of agreement of responsibility and liability, both jointly and individually, should aforesaid requisitioned form (hereafter referred to as Certificated Completed Requisitioned Form(A).) undergo any mishap due to administrative, managerial or directorial incompetence and/or unscrupulousness.
Guy Fox, Jul 10 2001

       Why, go right ahead, bobofthefuture. I'd be only too happy to sign a waiver releasing to the party of the second part - to wit, yourself - all rights of use, reuse and abuse concerning the questions concerned in your question - that is to say, the questions cited by the party of the first part - to wit, myself - as examples in the aforementioned idea also by the party of the first part - to wit, myself. I should warn you however, that before aforesaid waiver, disclaimer and release should, would and could be rendered unto the party of the second part - to wit, yourself - there is some small degree of paperwork required to satisfy any concerns that the party of the first part might have concerning the party of the second part's use, reuse and abuse of aforesaid questions concerned. That is to say, I have this small form for you to fill out...
Guy Fox, Jun 08 2002


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