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Gas-lit Christmas tree

Light in the darkness
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When first introduced, Christmas trees were adorned with candles.

Nothing wrong with that, although candles can drip wax, and have limited burn times. A candle which will burn for more than a few hours will cause the branches of a typical fir tree to sag under its weight.

Oh, and evergreen trees are rather flammable, so your house can quite easily get burnt down.

And so, electric lamps replaced candles, and LEDs and fibre optics have superseded incandescent bulbs.

But perhaps you crave a more traditional Christmas centrepiece, though unlike [MaxwellBuchanan] cannot afford to have a special staff of tree attendants (obtained from orphanages and workhouses) who replace candles when required, guard against drips on the Axminster by interposing the bare skin of their emaciated limbs (wouldn't want any wax to get on the ragged clothing they are compelled to rent from their overseer) into the path of the hot wax, and deal with spot-fires by weeping tears brought on by hunger, privation and despair onto them until they're extinguished.

Do not worry; instead, take up your computer, tablet or smartphone, place your credit or charge card close at hand, and order BorgCo's latest gadget, a gas-lit Christmas tree.

Available in a range of sizes, the tree is artificial, constructed from mostly fireproof materials*, and has a corresponding range of non-combustible decorations available in various styles and colours for a modest extra charge. The "branches" teminate in candle-like tubes, all of which are connected back to the trunk by thin yet robust piping. Through this piping, flammable gas is conveyed to the burners situated at the tip of each candle. The candles each have spark-ignition electrodes, and flame-failure shutoff valves.

Thus, each "candle" is tipped by a real flame, casting a rich golden light around the room; no nasty flashing blue LEDs here.

The system is supplied with a jetting/flow regulator kit that allows it to be configured to use methane, propane or butane depending on local availability. It is quite surprisingly important to use the correct setting for the type of fuel used. Note that BorgCo disclaim any and all liability for any damage, injury, financial loss or death arising from misuse, abuse, use, ownership, observation or just walking past any BorgCo product or service.

An additional gas generator tank, producing acetylene from calcium carbide and water, is available for truly independent operation in remote locations.

Adorning the tree with foil-covered chocolate novelties is not recommended.

*There might be a tiny bit of asbestos in some versions, particularly the Blue Spruce which is pretty much all blue asbestos to ease manufacturing and keep costs down, but it's only for a few weeks each year and better safe than sorry, eh ?

8th of 7, Dec 03 2018

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       Downright dangerous. [+]
whatrock, Dec 04 2018
  

       //flame-failure shutoff valves//   

       BorgCo products just haven't been the same since that string of lawsuits.
Wrongfellow, Dec 05 2018
  

       Nice. A friend of mine has an original US-made 1960's "aluminum" Christmas tree which would work very well with gas flames.
hippo, Dec 05 2018
  

       Hmmm ... is there a niche for this as an aftermarket accessory ? It wouldn't be an insurmountable problem to design.   

       An even more extensive product use disclaimer would be needed, tho ...
8th of 7, Dec 05 2018
  

       Why go aluminum when you could go with magnesium or titanium for ultralight performance and have spontaneous delight as the ultrathin "needles" combust?   

       Research into lithium trees hasn't gone well I've heard due to their propensity for drooping badly and displaying a more vigorous than desired effect when placed too close to the humidifier...
RayfordSteele, Dec 05 2018
  

       The most disappointing design was the gallium tree, which was fine outside but when brought indoors and placed in a room with a blazing open fire rapidly transformed into a silvery puddle.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2018
  

       Interestingly, gallium was named after Galway where it was discovered.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 08 2018
  

       It must be cold there, else it would have melted by now.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2018
  

       Gallium also has a nasty habit of turning locks, clocks and mobile phones into lumps of amalgam.   

       //The system is supplied with a jetting/flow regulator kit that allows it to be configured to use methane, propane or butane depending on local availability.//   

       Does it come with a brass seat with a valved hole to augment the tree fuel ? Come to think of it, it would make a great xmas dinner flare stack.
bigsleep, Dec 09 2018
  

       // brass seat with a valved hole //   

       Yes, but only in the dark, perverted Mirror universe where your mind seems to dwell.   

       Flare stack ? Hmmmm .....
8th of 7, Dec 09 2018
  
      
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