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Halfbakery Speaking Tube System

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Another poster [link] recently presented this request "I think we need our own hb chat-room where things can be discussed without rules as to the discourse."

I now propose the establishment of a speaking tube system to which any halfbakers who wish can connect. Naturally the creation of an international system of speaking tubes won't be cheap, but as other non-Halfbakery members realise the advantages of being able to talk to a massive network of mad people, they will want to get hooked up themselves and the system will be in profit in no time.

To indicate a desire to become connected to the new Halfbakery Speaking Tube System, all that is required is for the prospective customer to dangle a flexible hose from one of their windows which will be quickly spotted by one of the halfbakery's roving Tubing Connector Agents. (these folk have been around for years like sleepers, just waiting for activation)

In no time at all you will be connected to a vast network of tubes all carrying halfbaked conversations. A switchboard of pneumatic taps and valves controls who can talk to whom and for how long etc. [see film Brazil for an earlier example in action]

Now who's going to be the first to connect with two fries?

xenzag, Apr 27 2023

_3cshrugs_3e [xenzag, Apr 27 2023]

Sid Smith's 'How To Enjoy The End Of The World' https://www.youtube...watch?v=5WPB2u8EzL8
"So long, and thanks for all the fish!" [Sgt Teacup, Apr 29 2023]

Not a bastard https://marketreali...jeff-bezos-parents/
[Voice, May 04 2023]


       Bun assuming the TCAs have amplifiers along the way from say the US to Europe. Not going to calculate but it would take 5 or 6 hours for the sound to get from one continent to the other but that might make for a slow paced, relaxing conversation.
doctorremulac3, Apr 27 2023

       // who's going to be the first to connect with two fries? //   

       Hard pass.   

       If nobody picks up the line, or hangs up after listening for only a moment - is that infringing on his freedom of harangues?
a1, Apr 27 2023

       You can discuss all of that once you have been connected.
xenzag, Apr 27 2023

       //Now who's going to be the first to connect with two fries?//   

       Me please.   

       And by the way, don't know if you've ever built a "fort" as a kid, but a speaking tube between forts made of a garden hose is the highest achievement you can have as a 6 year old.
doctorremulac3, Apr 28 2023

       This is totally tubular!   

       [a1] You were the one egging me on, I just answered your direct questions while taking flak. In fact you're somewhat of a shit-disturber.
I remember days from before your arrival and they seemed to be much more mellow.

       Maybe that's just nostalgia speaking... but maybe not.   

       Adds 'harangue' to lexicon.   

       <wonders how it should be pronounced>   

       <considers sketching an harangutan>   

       It's nostalgia.   

       Carry on.
pertinax, Apr 28 2023


       Maybe not.   

       You able to hold both of those concepts as possibilities at the same time?   


       Well then what the fuck am I supposed to make of your already conditioned ass?   

Any of you?

       You already have shit figured out do you? Know right from wrong and have all this shit on lock-down right?   

       ...and my knowledge which wasn't taught means diddly-squat?...   

       ...well then you folks are in for interesting times,
My favorite Irish toast is "may you live in uninteresting times." These ain't them.

       // You able to hold both of those concepts as possibilities at the same time? //   

       I'm working on a system to facilitate that. It doesn't work yet.
pertinax, Apr 28 2023

       Rem... you can also send farts down the tube...
xenzag, Apr 28 2023

       // You able to hold both of those concepts as possibilities at the same time? //   

       Ask Schrodinger's Cat.
a1, Apr 28 2023

       //Rem... you can also send farts down the tube.//   

       I absolutely did not laugh out loud at that. I categorically deny it. (Okay, I did laugh out loud but... okay I laughed out loud.)
doctorremulac3, Apr 28 2023

       I have an old-fashioned system: the small end of a flared tube held up to my mouth with the larger end of the voice-magnifying tube pointed out the open window to broadcast my end of the conversation. Can I be patched into this new, possibly more private HB system?
Sgt Teacup, Apr 28 2023

       If you wave around your length of spare exposed tubing, an agent will spot it in due course and make a connection. Make prolonged hooting noises to get their attention, and also the burning items of furniture, especially at night, will help to move you up the waiting list.
xenzag, Apr 28 2023

       Camp Teacup's credenza is on the lawn, doused and ready to light at half-past stupid-late. Wiggly spare-exposed-tubing operators are standing by, hooting merrily!
Sgt Teacup, Apr 28 2023

       // Wiggly spare-exposed-tubing operators are standing by, hooting merrily!//   

       ...as those people wait to discover what this non-vaccine... plus boosters, changed in their health as they ridicule the one guy whom, none of you can deny, called this shit from day one.   

       Go on.   

       Laugh it up folks.   

       I hope you remember your laughter when you're working for food...
...just like I told you will happen if this shit isn't stopped.

       Exactly how many innovations do I need to propose which then become reality for you rational folks to understand that I see things before they happen?   

       Seriously, how many?   

       I'm thinking that maybe you guys should listen more and laugh at me less.   

       ...on the other hand, ridicule is all I've ever known and maybe you all just want to see me reach my full potential and think that that ridicule role in my life needs to be filled. (which would be totally endearing don't get me wrong...)   


       but yeah...   

       ... No.   

       All of humanity is on the cusp of being subjugated on the next plandemic wave... and you talking monkeys still want to fling shit at me for pointing out truths?   


       as you were   

       // working for food //   

       That's likely to happen because a combination of climate change and de-globalisation are making food more scarce and expensive. If we can hold on until human population decline kicks in, though, we might be able to get back to working for something more fungible. I can hardly wait.
pertinax, Apr 29 2023

       There's more than enough food already...   

       True, for now.   

       But some of it's in the wrong places, and, in some of the places where it grows, it won't always be able to grow there and, where it still grows, it's likely to encounter new and unfamiliar pests and diseases.   

       Meanwhile, we're having to change the ways in which the food is cultivated and distributed (and consumed), so that the processes of cultivation and distribution don't become self-defeating. For example, the current trend towards replacing the world's fish stocks with small pieces of waste plastic packaging will probably have to change. So will the assumption that a whole lot of diesel must be burned between the farm and the kitchen, before the farm turns into a dust bowl.   

       And big changes like that are expensive, and some of those costs get passed on to the consumers of food.
pertinax, Apr 29 2023

       Confession: I only read the first two paragraphs before commenting to [xen], which is why [2fries]' //as they ridicule the one guy whom...called this shit // seemed a bit non-sequitur-y, and so I went back to finish reading the idea and found //Now who's going to be the first to connect with two fries?//, so now it all makes nonsense sensical.   

       I was having fun playing with [xen]'s wobbly communication idea, and didn't think about you at all [2fries], but I can see that not completely reading the idea was a mistake and made you feel badly misunderseen.   

       Civilization is collapsing, so I'm honouring it by enjoying complexity and ingenuity (see link)
Sgt Teacup, Apr 29 2023

       ^ so how many experimental non-vaccine booster shots were you conned into taking while being made to wear a cloth mask to protect against a microscopic virus?   

       How many?   

       Just how open to suggestibility are the majority of the masses? It's a valid question.   

       Now, how open to suggestibility do you think I am if even half of the shit I've told you all is true?   


       ...and if you are capable of believing my shit and are capable of putting yourself in my shoes...   

       ...what the fuck you would you yourself do?   

       is that different from what I myself am doing?   

       Chill, brah. There are a lot of open-minded people here who, I think, are getting turned off by your hostility.
Voice, Apr 30 2023

       I'm now thinking of a type of non-digital storage system to act as a recording device so that speaking tube conversations can be played back later for transcription etc.
xenzag, Apr 30 2023

       //made to wear a cloth mask to protect against a microscopic virus?// hahahaha I can't believe that's still an issue for anyone - had thought everyone already knew that cloth masks protect everyone else from larger airborne water based particles? Maybe the earth is flat after all? [note all speaking tubes contain alien dna infused anti-virus filters.]
xenzag, Apr 30 2023

       //non-digital storage system to act as a recording device// So, wax cylinder and stylus? Approved! Not completely 'non-digital' though; still need digits (hah) to change the roll, so to speak (hah).
Sgt Teacup, Apr 30 2023

       That any of you see my answers to your questions as hostility says far more about you than it does about me.   

       I've yet to not answer a question as honestly as I could for the decades that [2fries] has existed.   

       Ask me anything...   

       Try to make it a yes or no question please.   

       I do manual labour for more days of the week and more hours of the day than anyone wants to hear about...   

       ...Keep it short.   

       I don't have to deal with this shit you know.
If that wasn't what "they' want, I'd have been gone long ago.

       So decide talkin monkeys.   

       do I stay or do I go?   

       I've got better shit to do than be taking flak for spewing honesty... and you've got better shit to do than to listen to it.   


       Your inability to believe my particular brand of perceived bullshit is not my problem.   

       The fact that it's all true is your problem.   

       I keep explaining that I don't understand the things that you all seem to take for granted and that I was forced to learn all of the things not taught in schools.   

       I've come to realize that maybe I might not be the dullest tool in the shed.   


       So I must fight the entirety of entrenched things I was not taught in order to have my potentially helpful input even considered?   




       Figure this shit out... smart guys.   

       My hands are getting ready to smear lather.   

       Chill and remember this is the halfbakery.... a repository of daft ideas and daft responses. Why not try and make a new type of noise to send down the speaking tube... try making the sound of someone playing a heated up saxophone with an egg frying inside it.
xenzag, May 01 2023

       the idea includes a little troll at the end. trolls when detected, can cause haranguing, threats of both banning and leaving   

       i like this idea only if you can send baked potatoes down it. "your idea is dumb - the only thing that could be dumber is you" and then follow up that sonic delivery with a a nice baked potatoe with crispy bacon, that can be packed for walkabouts or enjoyed on the spot, prior to a rebuttal harangue
mylodon, May 02 2023

       Not really the same as this idea, but it reminded me... - I once worked at a bank's headquarters in the Netherlands where, when a person wanted to send some paperwork to another person, they'd put it in a box, encode some details about the recipient on the outside of the box and slot it into a nearby system of tracks. These tracks made up a massive railway system all over the building, mostly along the building's ceilings, with junctions, points, etc., and sizeable marshalling yards and devices to take tracks between floors. Just above the reception desk on the ground floor was a particularly complex and busy interchange, with packages coming and going all the time. Just amazing - of course, this was the mid-90's, so as soon as they started using email properly the whole thing was probably scrapped...
hippo, May 02 2023

       As a child I recall several shops in my home town having a similar system of vacuum style tubes to convey money, receive change etc. One was still in operation in an old hardware store until around 2007 when it fell victim to the greedy bastard Bezos's Amazon.
xenzag, May 02 2023

       Those Bezos figures are ai generated fakes, printed out as flat packs. I have a set of them on my lawn with their hollow heads filled with bird seed to feed the hungry crows and starlings.
xenzag, May 04 2023


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