Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
A hive of inactivity

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Hallucinogenic Sunburn Relief Verruca Socks

Target Market: eye-beef-ur.
  (+15, -3)(+15, -3)
(+15, -3)
  [vote for,

Suburned feet? Simply ooze your red and peeling feets into snazzy Paisley patterned verucca socks filled with a cool and soothing combination of aqueous cream and hallucinogenics.

Feels great, looks great, oh my god that radiator is breathing!

calum, Aug 02 2005

Capugenic Hallucinoccino Capugenic_20Hallucinoccino
by trashcanglam [calum, Aug 02 2005]

moisturizing pantyhose moisturizing_20pantyhose
by dmason. Similar. [calum, Aug 02 2005]

Sanna http://www.undiscov...an/sanna/index.html
volcano not pictured. [calum, Aug 03 2005, last modified May 23 2006]

Inspiration: Syd Barrett's Mandrax Brylcreem http://en.wikipedia...31968.29_Band_years
[calum, Aug 04 2005]

The World's Worst Look: socks with sandals http://images.googl...=en&lr=&sa=N&tab=wi
[calum, Aug 04 2005]


       //Protection// or palliative?
coprocephalous, Aug 02 2005

       HSPVSs can be donned at any point in the sunburn process, from the crimson itch stage to right back in a Luton Airport bar, shitfaced on Stella.   

       But yes, that should read Relief, not Protection. Changed.
calum, Aug 02 2005

       "Oh nooooo, my feat, my feet they are shrinking!I see Roy Estrada, Lowell George, Richie Hayward, Bill Payne, Paul Barrère and Sam Clayton are all jumping from my radiator! it's burnin I tell ya!"
skinflaps, Aug 02 2005

       I'd rather have the hallucinogens mixed with ASS 81mg and in a cigarette ready for quick delivery, since all that sun will give me a heart attack.
reensure, Aug 02 2005

       The three dishevelled, rather wild-eyed gentlemen entered the pub in a flurry of gestures and squelches.
Their clothes showed wear. They showed the kind of wear one only gets after running through a number of bushes or otherwise frolicking in undergrowth.
One of them had his trouser-legs rolled up, and had tied a handkerchief around his head, gumby style.
All three of them wore curiously patterned rubber socks that farted and squelched as they walked.
The pub was largely empty, a few locals rested at a table in the far corner, letting a foamy beer wash away a hard days work in the fields.
After some conferring at the entrance, during which, one of them appeared to become totally absorbed in something else - the braver of the group breathed in deeply and approached the bar.
It gave gently as he rested against it, which was strange considering it's wooden construction.
He addressed the golden-haired angel behind the bar, who coincidentally, was giving him the strongest come-on look he'd seen in his entire life. "Three drinks please."
He decided to remain calm, the echo between his thoughts and his hearing himself speak them was more than a little disconcerting.
The barmaid, seeing the group and taking them to be harmless young chaps who'd perhaps wandered off the beaten track was in a jovial mood.
"There you go boys, standing room only, though, we're heavin' in 'ere tonight!"
The joke was completely lost on the boys, and the braver member, who was currently congratulating himself on managing to communicate, appear to be of sound enough mind and body to purchase alcohol and pay for his drinks (requiring some very difficult counting skills) felt his self control ebbing away, his hold on reality steadily being etched away by the effects of the 'jellies' they had all put on earlier that evening.
"No you're not!!" He responded indignantly, looking around at the empty pub, a look of confusion spreading across his face.
The others lifted their drinks to their faces in order to stop themselves from talking - evidently it wasn't a wise thing to do in this situation.
Across the bar, a train of hooded monks began their procession, winding their way past ashtrays and bowls of roasted peanuts.
Later that night, and into the early morning, they would mistake a talking horse for a park ranger, and discover that they felt an overwhelming affinity with bees.
zen_tom, Aug 02 2005

       *Falls off chair laughing*   

       Hilarious, [zen_tom], absolutely fantastic: ).
froglet, Aug 02 2005

       The pub had had enough of the three and communicated such to them by sprouting a most ferocious argument at one of the back tables
(it seemed ferocious to them, but it was probably a mild argument over some sports team or another).
The one who ordered the drinks declared that one of the others would need to get a cab.
The shorter one sloshed up to the yellow pages he had spotted by the phone and began fumbling through them.
After forgetting several times what exactly it was he was looking up in that oppressively yellow book,
he managed to find his way to the pages with things on them starting with "C".
There's no listing for ANY cabs in the book he notices.
This bothers him. He thinks of about 42 different reasons as to why this could be in the next several seconds until it occurs to him that cabs are usually listed under a different name in the yellow pages.
Unfortunately, the word taxi has escaped his head for the brief time he needed it to be there so he mumbles to the angel at the bar
"I'm not really feeling so well, Is there any way you could call a cab for me?"
He knows she is in fact an angel now as she smiles and tells him that of course she could an proceeds to dial the phone without laughing out loud at him.
Zimmy, Aug 02 2005

       (Was she being obtuse? Was she a cute one?)
half, Aug 02 2005

       Good idea, great story. No idea what it has to do with sunburned feet.   

       (she was right to call a cab - perhaps if he talked to her she would be complementary)
Worldgineer, Aug 02 2005

       I misspelled it angel twice (and spell check, well..). I must have a thing for angles, or I was still thinking about work while typing?
Zimmy, Aug 03 2005

       sorry about your feet [calum] I'd be happy with a constantly cool aloe mix.   

       btw this wouldn't happen if you wore socks with your sandals. :P
dentworth, Aug 03 2005

       Blearily, I stepped out of the shower this morning and discovered a large distended pouch of skin bulging at my angle - sorry, ankle - it seems to be filled with a clear liquid, so obviously, I panicked. Timid and close inspection revealed that the bulge was just a popped blister, filled with water, and not a throbbing and pustulent buboe, as I had feared. Sunburn is the pits, physically and psychologically.   

       Cheers, dentworth, but I will never wear sandals with or without socks, just as I will never wear flipflops. Neither is a look for a man of any social standing. Rather, they are a look sported solely by those with a latent criminality and a blatant disregard for proper deportment and dress.
calum, Aug 03 2005

       I take it that you aren't a fan of the beach [callum].
froglet, Aug 03 2005

       I like the beach, I do. Particularly the beach at Sanna (link), which is (a) in the shadow of a massive (miles wide) volcano (b) composed of soft white sand (c) broken up with volcanic rock spurs, which house exellent rock pools and (d) is miles and miles from anywhere, so there's rarely many people to ruin the stunning views of the Small Isles. That's where I got my sunburn.
calum, Aug 03 2005

       I get disturbing images of junkies wandering around town, diving towards any old sock left on the street, trying to suck the last drops of acid out.   

       Also, would experienced users need more socks?
Trickytracks, Aug 04 2005

       Walking back to his booth, his eyes followed the cracks and spaces between the red ceramic tiles composing the floor. the lines seemed to dance...the tiles seemed to dance...flicker...flame... the floor was on fire, his feet were on fire. hopefully his friends has more magic socks...
IcarusByNight, Aug 04 2005

       One of the men gazed out the brown and green stained breathing window and noticed the cab had arrived. After a 12 mile, jelly-filled walk to the front of the bar, the short man intended to thank the barmaid for her kindness. As he approached the glossy, textured countertop, he found himself falling into the endless abyss of woodgrain. Violently squeeking his hands in large circles, staring with his face harshly pressed against the beer circles. Wide-eyed, he peered up, face still against the bar, only to find the golden-haired angel looking at him, trying to hold back a chuckle. He then, imediately stood up strait and smiled as he humbly announced, "ssshhhubbba la fffffruubbba bbbbubbble bye." He walked out, with a proud smile on his face, having thanked her for her hospitality...
Gryph, Aug 04 2005

       The sun beat down with an impenetrable force. Cracks in the sidewalk were opening like fissures, all the sound was there. It boomed before it screamed, and howled before it cried. Then it sang. It sang about the sliding grasses in Pompeii before the stars aligned to spell out 'Socrates'. It sang about his mother, and he wept. Cityscape geometries fluttered and twisted, looked something of an organ, the type you have in your chest. Clockwork periodic patterns settled across his mind. "It's just the socks", he muttered. "It's just the damn socks..."
daseva, Aug 04 2005

       I'll have a pair of your finest socks please [calum].
wagster, Aug 04 2005

       This will come in handy after watching the sun set for 9 hours. (got the idea from an interview with Paul Kantner)
moPuddin, Aug 04 2005


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle