Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hand-cranked butt wiper

Automatic and more efficient toilet paper usage
  [vote for,

If you wipe with squares of toilet paper held in your hand, unless you use advanced techniques, only a small spot in the middle of the paper is actually used for cleaning. This is an attempt to solve that inefficiency and also make wiping more convenient.

Attached to the wall in front of the toilet is an articulated arm. When you're done your business, you pull the arm toward yourself. The "hand" of the arm (which is not really hand-shaped at all) has a roll of toilet paper at the wrist, and a smooth and low-friction but easily deformable rod extending to the tip. At the tip is a takeup spool. You pull the toilet paper from the roll and attach it to the takeup spool, such that it runs along the upper surface of the rod. Then you insert the "hand" between your legs, from the front. Using mechanical controls on the arm, you can adjust various spots on the smooth rod to press against your skin with different pressures in different places. Then you use your other hand to operate the crank, which causes the toilet paper to be pulled by the takeup spool. As you crank, you can still adjust the pressure points with your first hand. When you're done, you pull a lever that sequentially tears off the used toilet paper from the roll, pulls the free section onto the takeup spool, and dumps the rolled toilet paper sideways off the takeup spool into the toilet.

A periscope can also be provided for live inspection of the state of the toilet paper being taken up by the takeup spool, for easy determination of doneness.

N/A [2019-03-28]

notexactly, Mar 28 2019

Reusable wiper https://phelpsusa.c...oll-towel-dispenser
Experience the joys of reusing the same cloth [whatrock, Mar 29 2019]


       So, a self-cleaning sponge-onna-stick, obviating the need for the handy mini-aqueduct cleansing trench running in front of the squatty-potty in ancient Rome?! Minus points for needing to replace a 'roll'; plus points for fine-tuning the sponge-onna-stick idea.
Sgt Teacup, Mar 28 2019

       This is just gross in conception, gross in implementation and gross in intention. [+]
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 28 2019

       It's a smear campaign!
lurch, Mar 28 2019

       Rectum? Damn near killed'm!   

       butt-cranked hand wiper
butt-hand crank wiper
wipe-hand butt cranker
wipe-butt crank hander
hand-wiped butt cranker
wipe-crank hand butter
butter-cranked hand wiper
moc moc a moc
calum, Mar 28 2019

       One of the ongoing sources of amazement to me is that denizens of the Halfbakery seem, almost uniquely amongst mankind, to be incapable of defaecating, urinating or cleaning up thereafter without some form of technological assistance.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2019

       You say that like it's a bad thing...   

       Simply adapting an existing reusable cloth hand wiping machine would eliminate the paper waste (link).
whatrock, Mar 29 2019


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