Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.




Gettin' Medieval
  (+17, -7)(+17, -7)
(+17, -7)
  [vote for,

I hate to be submitting an execution method, but I live in Texas, where death row moves like the line at McDonald's, so I guess it's no wonder this came to me in a dream the other night.

Our methods of execution should reflect the medieval mentality represented by the death penalty. They should use archaic technology, they should be brutal, and they should be public. However, there is always room for innovation.

I'll try to describe, but it'll be easier if you just see the diagram link below.

The Head-Squisher is a large, elevated device constructed mostly of wood. The victim is strapped onto a T-shaped part at the end of a long arm with a counterweight at the other end. Running perpendicular through this arm is a shaft which is rotated by the pulling of ropes by hooded executioners down below. This rotation causes the arm to lift the victim up through the air and then come crashing down on his/her head on other side, smashing their head, showering the crowd of onlookers with all sorts of interesting biological material.

This way the public will all feel like the victim's blood is on them (in both the metaphorical and literal sense).

utexaspunk, Apr 18 2002

Head squisher http://www.google.c...%22head+squisher%22
Per [spartanico]'s non-request [angel, Apr 22 2002]

(?) Total Executions in the States http://crime.mining...TION%2520TOTALS.htm
Not quite what you wanted, ¯sappho, but a start. [reensure, Apr 22 2002]

no one is safe! http://youtu.be/TJUAYzc9JOA
[calum, Jul 15 2014]


       oh, couldn't you have put a picture of 'the victim' in there?
sappho, Apr 18 2002

       there you go, sappho
utexaspunk, Apr 18 2002

sappho, Apr 18 2002

       ah...don't you love TX? I often think that what they should do is give the criminals guns in an arena...with a complete OK Corral set incorporated into it. Dress the criminals up in 1880s garb and let them have a real shoot-out, Texas style. (of course the arena will have to be surrounded by bullet-proof glass so the criminals can't kill the spectators....and gonna need those police snipers up high to finish off the criminals if they don't succeed in killing each other....)   

       (disclaimer: bliss said this idea may bring out the troll in people ;-)
runforrestrun, Apr 18 2002

       Great picture.
stupop, Apr 18 2002

       Bravo. They are great pictures and very croissant worthy. All the moreso that they're drawn with a mouse.   

       I'm assuming the dark spot in the 'target zone' is a gore stain from previous uses.   

       That said, I kinda' hate the idea, though.
bristolz, Apr 18 2002

       Before the second picture, I thought that the condemned man* had to lie on the long plank, and that the moving part was spring-loaded to thwap over and squish the head by the impact from whatever angular velocity had been attained. Then I was disabused of that image by the second picture.

[bristolz] I also hate the essence of the idea but I am working very hard at taking nothing on this site seriously. Hence earlier efforts at global land mass reorganisation.
*are there any stats on how many female death row candidates there are/have been through history? Aside from the witch-burning episodes, that is.
sappho, Apr 18 2002

       Oh, I'm not taking it seriously but thinking about it actually made me feel an uncomfortable twinge, physically.
bristolz, Apr 18 2002

       It's much bigger than expected, and makes more sense with the victim drawn in.   

       It is important to get in touch with your troll side, don't try to repress it.
rbl, Apr 18 2002

       Why not just hire Gallagher?
phoenix, Apr 18 2002

       //Why not just hire Gallagher?//
That in itself would be cruel and unusual punishment.
thumbwax, Apr 18 2002

       simply because he should not be paid for what he does
globaltourniquet, Apr 18 2002

       Actually it wouldn't bother me to see Gallagher on one of these. Just don't sit in the front row without your plastic shield
globaltourniquet, Apr 18 2002

       Nice looking contraption. I'm relieved no one has found a bunch of head-squisher links.
spartanica, Apr 18 2002

       Could we not just punish the guilty by involving them in an interminably long and silly Kids in the Hall sketch?
pottedstu, Apr 22 2002

       [angel] I like the way that google respectfully asked "Did you mean 'head smashed'?"
sappho, Apr 22 2002

       That was a wonderful invention. If I am ever excuted (perhaps for justifiable homicide with a lethal pun) I will ask for the head-squisher ...
Aristotle, Apr 22 2002

       Death by Trebuchet would be similar and just as theatrical.
hippo, Apr 22 2002

       runforest, you never watched Mad Max, did you? I don't think this would add to the general social welfare..
RayfordSteele, Apr 24 2002

       //Death by Trebuchet would be similar and just as theatrical.//   

       Apparently, artillery men have always had a morbid sense of humour, dead horses, corpses and even live prisoners found their way into the sling at various times.The arm was released, the counterweight causing the front end to go down and the long arm to fly through the air and discharge the live stock of the sling in a high arc which carried the corpses over the defences. I say use a mangonel.
skinflaps, Oct 11 2006

       weren't diseased cattle fired into a castle in France? during a siege, to spread plague.... and this was the first known use of biological warfare.
xenzag, Oct 11 2006

       Ooh, I wouldn't want to be in that crowd!
croissantz, May 27 2007

       Rapid head squishing would be a more humane method than those presently used. The execution is fast and painless, the people still get their brutality, what's not to like?
Voice, Jul 14 2014

       A guillotine with a big block of metal instead of a blade ?
8th of 7, Jul 15 2014

       //weren't diseased cattle fired into a castle in France? during a siege, to spread plague.... and this was the first known use of biological warfare.//   

       Close. It was an early attempt at a McDonald's delivery service.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 15 2014

       [MB] is, as usual, correct. The system failed because the payload wasn't sufficiently toxic. It was hundreds of years before a sutably weaponized Big Mac was available, by which time an international convention on chemical and biological weapons had come into force.   

       Oddly, though, civillians are still permitted to aquire and own them without any form of licensing or control, which strikes us as a trifle irresponsible.
8th of 7, Jul 15 2014

       It's all horrible reminiscent of the early, over- ambitious sandwich trade. The attempt to deliver a 158ft sub to the Japanese aircraft carrier Akitsu Maru went horribly wrong.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 15 2014

       //If I am ever ex[e]cuted...I will ask for the head-squisher//

I'd go for death by Snoo-snoo myself.

+ For the idea though. Something like 8th's guillotine suggestion, where the victim is held steady, rather than moving them around, would be better, I feel. Although, there might need to be some research done as to whether you get maximum splat from 8th's solid block (some might make reference to his own head here but I am above such things), or from a flat paddle-type affair, perhaps with slots in it like some kitchen implements have. Any volunteers to go away and find out?
DrBob, Jul 16 2014

       Would the director of this enterprise be known as The Head Squisher or the head squisher head?
cudgel, Jul 19 2014

       The Head Head Squisher of course. If his name was Scott Quentin Ischer, then his name badge could read   

       Head Head Squisher S.Q.Ischer
pocmloc, Jul 19 2014

       Yes, but people would think him a fool because he lacked a U.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 19 2014

popbottle, Jul 20 2014

       //artillery men have always had a morbid sense of humour, dead horses, corpses and even live prisoners//   

       Nothing to do with humour (morbid or otherwise) [skin], simply very pragmatic.   

       Corpses used as ammunition (animal or other) can be considered among the earliest forms of biological (or is that virological?) warfare, as they add disease (if not extant) to the woes of the besieged, especially if ripe (which they should always be, throwing usable food over the wall to a besieged enemy who (if you can't do it any quicker) your trying to starve into submission is counter productive).   

       While prisoners (live or otherwise) as ammunition constitute a very simple, brutal & direct form of psychological warfare (especially if they were locals & had friends & family inside the walls).   


       ah.. I see [xenzag] got there first.
Skewed, Jul 20 2014

       //an early attempt at a McDonald's delivery service//   

       //years before a sutably weaponized Big Mac was available//   

       Max & 8th appear to be channelling Terry & his co-conspirator in the authoring of 'Good Omens'.   

       A somewhat different angle, but still reminiscent of Famines alleged interest in nuevo cuisine, superseded by his interest in McDonalds ('devoid of nutritional content' so you can gorge yourself to starvation, untrue of course, it goes quite the other way, but still a beautiful image).
Skewed, Jul 20 2014

       Yeah that "no one is safe" line is too funny, just perfect.
rcarty, Jul 21 2014


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle