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Herdmeister 9000

Strap on herding devices for your cows, goats, sheep etc.
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Solar powered vest the animal wears that allows you to drive it remotely.

When it's time to have the cows come in to be milked or made into hamburgers, send out the "come cows" signal. Each device senses where the cow is, how it's oriented and using gentle little electric shocks on the left or right flank, "steers" them to the barn.

Remotely steer your steers.

The system would also line them up in a neat row since the program would know where all the other cows were. It would be awesome to watch a bunch of cows suddenly line up and march with precise precision.

You could even do stuff like the link shows.

doctorremulac3, Aug 13 2014

This is how your cows could come home https://www.youtube...watch?v=DjZ7fa9snm8
Maybe not quite as precise but more like this than the way they come home now. [doctorremulac3, Aug 13 2014]

More like this https://www.youtube...watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY
Sort of [doctorremulac3, Aug 13 2014]

solar powered remote goatherding [pashute, Aug 14 2014]

remote e-collar https://www.youtube...watch?v=oBW6lS9EeTI
[pashute, Aug 14 2014]

Another high tech pet collar Cat_20caller
[doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014]

Much neater than the remote e-collar I think Improved_20Talking_20Dog_20Collar
[doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014]

What do you call a group of...? http://www.npwrc.us...s/animals/names.htm
[doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014]

Horse version patented 1980 http://www.futility.../absenteee-herding/
[gisho, Aug 20 2014]

[link]






       Alternatively, have you considered just planting grape vines?   

       PS rather more useful for small children, or the mentally confused, or employees, or any combination thereof.   

       //Solar powered   

       Well, that's the UK market out.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 14 2014
  

       Granddad had cows (we saw the doctor about it but nothing could be done) so I know whereof I speak.   

       This would be a complete waste of time.   

       They're so happy to be rid of the milk (imagine a full bladder & you can't pee) that they very quickly learn to associate the relief of milking with being called in by a certain sound (voice, bell, whistle) or time of day.   

       Some walk themselves in unprompted, you find them waiting when you get to the milking shed.
Skewed, Aug 14 2014
  

       But do they form themselves into neat rows sorted by color, height etc?
doctorremulac3, Aug 14 2014
  

       No, but they'll walk themselves straight into the milking stall, some even appear to have their own favourite stall.   

       Perhaps some form of automated cow abattoir stall disguised as a milking stall that could be slotted in in place of the real milking stall then.   

       <edit>   

       With a curtain pulled around it of course, we don't want to upset the others, their milk might go sour.
Skewed, Aug 14 2014
  

       Where you here first, or was 'solar powered remote goathearding'?   

       Anyway, your idea is better, simpler, and should be made as a product! See pet-remote link
pashute, Aug 14 2014
  

       I got the idea the same way we all get about half our ideas around here. Reading somebody's post, making a wrong assumption about what it is, finding out it's something different and then saying "Hmm, might as well post it."   

       Yes, this was "inspired" by the solar goats.   

       Skewed has experience with cow farming and says this is unnecessary, at least for the milking, but I'm wondering if there might be other uses for this.   

       For one, we here in high tech Silicon Valley use low tech goats to trim down hills with grass fire hazards. Their drawback is they need to be fenced in or they run amok because, well, they're goats.   

       This might be useful for goat fire hazard management. You could move the flock (ok, I'll look up what a pack of goats is called later) to where they're needed and keep them from running away without fences.
doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014
  

       A group of goats is called a "tribe" or a "trip"? The trip name sounds like some hippies came up with it while stoned. "Whoa, that bunch of goats is a trip!"   

       I suggest "a bray of goats" as making more sense as they do that braying thing.   

       Hmm. A group of owls is called "a parliament".   

       Oddly enough, nobody saw fit to name a group of rats, probably because they're already referred to as "a shitload" without it having to be made official. However, if that's not the official title of a lot of rats I'd like to nominate it as such. "Wow, our new house has rats!" "How many?" "Three quarters of a metric shitload!"
doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014
  

       Ah, no that's a common misconception. It's pronounced "shipload" as in the number of rats leaving a sinking ship...   

       ...ok I just made that up, but it sounded good.   

       Lol, thaaaat's where it came from.   

       Hey man remember, history is written by the guys who make it up.
doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2014
  

       This is probably the best Herdmeister 9000 idea I have ever encountered.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 16 2014
  

       //A group of goats is called a "tribe" or a "trip"?//   

       Nope. At least not in any part of the UK. Whereas sheep are almost universally called a "flock" or a "fold", names for groups of goats are much more diverse, because goat- keeping was widespread in the UK long before it became U. Regional terms therefore reflect regional languages. So:   

       Cornwall: a pether of goats
South Wales: a pwnyr of goats
North Wales: a dyffy (dovey) of goats
North-west England: a flock, herd, or hirren of goats
Eastern England (Anglia): a bray or herd of goats (but a farrow of goats if they're all females kept for milk)
South-east England: a bight, herd, or herm of goats.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 16 2014
  

       //in high tech Silicon Valley use low tech goats to trim down hills with grass fire hazards   

       Are you quite sure they're goats. Do they carry tridents and walk and on their hind legs?
not_morrison_rm, Aug 16 2014
  

       Pretty sure they don't walk on their hind legs. Not sure about the tridents.
doctorremulac3, Aug 17 2014
  

       Well, some diabolical products have come out of Silicone Valley...might be worth checking...
not_morrison_rm, Aug 17 2014
  

       MOST diabolical products come out of Silicon Valley.
doctorremulac3, Aug 17 2014
  

       //MOST diabolical products come out of Silicon Valley.   

       You're merely confirming suspicions...probably more to the point to arm local police with holy-water pistols than tasers.   

       Thinking fractionally more humanely, Google Glass for animals, the cow version could project a tasty bit of grass, or a carrot, the dog one could project a bone, and the cat one would have a virtual mouse, leading through the front door of the nearest Acme Co franchise.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 17 2014
  

       How about if it tickles them instead of shocking them? Are cows ticklish? Any volunteers want to test it out?   

       Not sure if we have laws against cow tickling in this state, guess it depends on where you tickle it. Anyway, wouldn't want it on my record. There goes any political aspirations.
doctorremulac3, Aug 17 2014
  

       Yeah. I was not sure whether to vote for you or the other candidate, but when I learned about the cow tickling thing my mind was made up.   

       If you get this idea out of (other:general) I'm willing to reconsider though.
normzone, Aug 17 2014
  

       "The cow was a consenting adult and... ok, turn those cameras off, this press conference is over!"
doctorremulac3, Aug 17 2014
  

       //but I'm wondering if there might be other uses for this//   

       Bovine dressage events, possibly with a side show of fine cheeses from around the world, it would only appeal to a specialist audience perhaps but I can see the 'sport' gaining a following ;)
Skewed, Aug 18 2014
  
      
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