Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Horological Lumberjacking Biathlon

  [vote for,

The traditional biathlon involves the two seemingly unconnected disciplines of skiiing and shooting. Presumably, these two activities were picked randomly out of a hat at the end of a drunken evening by the olympics committee.

In any event, it's an odd combination. The only thing to be said for it is that demands a combination of physical exertion (for the skiiing bit) and fine muscular control (for the shooting bit).

I suggest that a better and more demanding combination of sports would be lumberjacking and watchmaking.

Contestants would be required to shin up a series of 50ft poles using belts and tree-spikes. In between, they would be required to dismantle, clean, lubricate and reassemble (to running condition) a succession of progressively finer- calibre watches, starting with an early American railroad pocket-watch, and concluding with a 12mm ladies' wristwatch.

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 13 2011

I want [8th]'s hat please http://farm3.static...1418_7b55f0fb34.jpg
Clearly loads of these about... [theleopard, Sep 14 2011]


       Blame the Norwegians.
RayfordSteele, Sep 13 2011

       Yes, of course.   

       Oh, you mean for the biathlon.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 13 2011

       The watches would be at the tops of the poles.
pocmloc, Sep 13 2011

       I don't really think the Polish do these things...
xandram, Sep 13 2011

       Biathlon events are always disappointing because the contestants are not asked to perform the two disciplines at the same time. So, shooting while skiing would be much more exciting to watch(*), and the contestant would have to make a fine mental judgement of their abilities - if they slow down, they'll lose points for speed, but on the other hand they'll be able to shoot more accurately. Likewise, if the two events were Rodeo and Embroidery, or, as [Max-B] suggests, Horology and Lumberjacking, paying too much attention to one discipline will affect your performance in the other.

(*) - and much more relevant to real life. Have the Olympic Committee never seen a James Bond film?
hippo, Sep 13 2011

       // seemingly unconnected discplines of skiiing and shooting. //   

       It only seems that way to people who've never gone deer hunting in the winter. The challenge lies in it being very hard to accurately and rapidly fire a rifle after extended periods of exertion.
Alterother, Sep 13 2011

       //It only seems that way to people who've never gone deer hunting in the winter.//   

       I'm prepared to wager [8th]'s hat that there are as many lumberjacks with broken watches in the world as there are people who hunt deer on skis*.   

       *[please note that I have left open the option of making "deers on skis" jokes, should anyone wish to avail themselves.]
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 13 2011

       // very hard to accurately and rapidly fire a rifle after extended periods of exertion //   

       Accuracy is indeed difficult. However, rapidity of fire is not; we commend to your attention the excellent and rugged M1 Garand (available in .30-06 chambering, as well as in .308 Winchester), the M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle ("the lightest production automatic gun to fire the .30-06 Springfield cartridge"), or the superb and ageless BREN, chambered for the 7.92mm Mauser round; the addition of a side-mounted telescopic sight to the BREN will deliver very acceptable accuracy well beyond the quoted maximum range of 550 metres; a carefully set up .303 version will deliver the same accuracy at 800m as a Lee-Enfield No.1 Mk. IV with the same ammunition. but has the added benefit of being able to deliver full-auto fire at the twitch of the change lever*.   

       (* It is now considered best practice to clearly and explicitly warn the other range users that you are about to do this, lest alarm verging on panic ensue.)
8th of 7, Sep 13 2011

       This is utter brilliance, [MaxB]! I can hardly wait until the network contracts to cover these events begin to roll in. I, for one, am waiting with bait breath. [+]
Grogster, Sep 14 2011

       Freshly returned from the sushi bar?
normzone, Sep 14 2011

       'Twas ever thus...
Grogster, Sep 14 2011

       [8th], can you mail your hat to [theleo]? I hate reneging on a bet. Cheers.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 14 2011

       // can you mail your hat to [theleo] //   

       No problem, we will even put a fresh aluminium foil lining in it.
8th of 7, Sep 15 2011

       Isn't this really just a well disguised version of Chess Boxing and, therefore, not an original idea (well, concept really, rather than idea).

Personally, if I was going to combine two activities into a single sport, I'd go for something with lots of scoring and make each score contingent on some sort of intellectual test. So, Spelling Bee Basketball for instance.
DrBob, Sep 15 2011

       //Isn't this really just a well disguised version of Chess Boxing//   

       No. If I had suggested replacing the chess with watchmaking, and the boxing with lumberjacking, then it would obviously be derivative.   

       However, what I am *actually* suggesting is replacing the chess with the lumberjacking, and the boxing with the watchmaking. Clearly a different concept allentiregether.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2011

       Humphrey Lyttleton would be so proud.   

       Have you ever thought of trying to sing one song to the tune of another ?
8th of 7, Sep 15 2011

       No, but I sometimes hum the words to a different melody.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2011

       You just have to be different, don't you ? What are you, a rebel without a cause ?
8th of 7, Sep 15 2011

       …or vice versa
hippo, Sep 15 2011

       //You just have to be different, don't you ? What are you, a rebel without a cause ?//   

       I just like to walk on the wild side. Heck, sometimes I wear one odd sock and the other one matching. Pasta la vista, baby.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2011

       Would it not be very tiresome for the spectators? (+ for that alone) Incidentally re the socks thing.... I make a point of never wearing matching socks. In fact I have nothing that matches anything, my favs being red New Balance running shoes combined with one blue sock and one yellow one.
xenzag, Sep 15 2011

       //Would it not be very tiresome for the spectators?//   

       May I suggest: Competitor 1 must climb the odd-numbered poles to do timepiece repair, and use an axe to fell the even-numbered poles. Conversely, competitor 2 climbs even, fells odd...
lurch, Sep 15 2011

       Is there not some way for one competitor to fell the pole of another while they are still up there? Of course there is!
xenzag, Sep 15 2011

       //I make a point of never wearing matching socks.//   

       I prefer to confuse people by only wearing *one* sock that matches.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2011

       //Conversely...// I've put it to the vote and I'm in favour.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2011

       //what I am *actually* suggesting //

Ah yes, it all becomes so much clearer when you put it like that.
DrBob, Sep 16 2011

       [Maxwell], [8th]'s hat just arrived. It fits perfectly onto our head. Slight cranial twinge. We are fine now.
theleopard, Sep 16 2011

       //red New Balance running shoes// You mean the shoes match?
pocmloc, Sep 16 2011

       //shoes match?// yep, two lefts
lurch, Sep 16 2011

       // rapidity of fire is not //   

       I should have been more clear; I made rapidly recovering and shifting targets.   

       And yes, as the Borg well know, I am quite familiar with a great number of firearms with high ROFs. I even own a few. Smart-alec.
Alterother, Sep 16 2011

       Also, despite [MaxB]'s unnecessary and hateful remarks concerning the honorable and very difficult sport of Biathalon, I like this idea. [+]   

       Furthermore, I have no problem with deer on skis, since I do not ride motorcycles in the winter.
Alterother, Sep 16 2011

       //BREN ... same accuracy as a Lee-Enfield ... full-auto//   

       But not at the same time or for that matter close to the same time. Unless you were planning on combining the 'skiing' bit with small-arms recalibration.   

       also, technically 'BrEn' or just plain old 'Bren'.
FlyingToaster, Sep 16 2011

       // But not at the same time or for that matter close to the same time //   

       This is true.   

       // technically 'BrEn' or just plain old 'Bren'. //   

       Yes, but somehow it seems to deserve the capitalisation ... like those versions of the bible that use "... and the LORD spake unto Moses, saying ...."
8th of 7, Sep 16 2011

nomocrow, Sep 19 2011

       Oh this is marvellous.   

       A posthumous croissant +
Frankx, Oct 05 2021


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