House of whacks

See the problem with locks is that they only keep honest people out of your house, yet it is illegal to booby trap your premises and someone breaking in can actually sue for damages if you do, (at least here).
I've always thought that if I were to build a house that a good security system for extended leaves would be to have fold down panels beneath every window that are covered in upward pointing nails. This may not keep you from getting ripped off but there should be a decent trail of blood smeared footprints to follow and DNA evidence to boot.
Well scrap that, it's too inhumane and far too practical, enter house of whacks.

Arming the newly installed security system activates a gauntlet of laser trip wires and motion sensing triggers designed not to harm but deliver a good thrashing at every turn. Flexible poles swing upwards from the floor and downwards from the ceiling with more force than stepping on a rake. Lengths of sand filled garden hose whip from around corners as containers of marbles are dispersed across the floor below sensor range.
The real selling feature of this system is the live video feed emailed to your laptop.

<bing> You've got crooks.