Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.

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Sphere my wrath!

I'ma pop a gel cap in yo ass.
  [vote for,

Homelessness is on the rise.
Addiction is on the rise.
Crime is on the rise.

In the last year I've had my truck broken into for tools, (so I don't keep tools in the truck anymore), the lock cut off my trailer and everything with a cord and a battery taken, (so now everything gets brought inside every night), and last Sunday my drivers window smashed to steal the absolutely nothing left to take...

So I asked the cop:
"What can I do? I figure that spring loaded 2x4's with nails in them is probably frowned upon so how about time delayed bear-spray from inside the trailer?"
"No sir, any harm caused would be your crime."
"Well what about pyrotechnics and fireworks?"
"No sir, any damage is on you."
"Okay... so, how about I camp out all night on my garage roof with a paintball gun?"


She said; "Well sir you just might get away with that one..."

I figure that an app which remotely controls a garage-top paintball turret from the comfort of my own bed at 4:30 in the morning sounds far more comfortable than the garage-top camp out, so I propose a non-lethal home defence system whereby a home owner can choose whether to remotely activate a gutter-length camera-tracking paintball deterrent defense system from wherever they happen to be on the planet much like a video game from their phone.

Stink-bomb paintballs would be allowed.
Tracking-chip paintballs.
Mace paintballs.
Flash grenade paintballs.
Expanding-foam paintballs
"Hey buddy does this paintball smell like chloroform to you?" citizens-arrest paintballs.

So many options.

A B Foam https://www.fibregl...ducts/eco-pour-foam
You can get the parts separately, mix as needed (via sequential paintballs...) [neutrinos_shadow, May 10 2019]


       Sympathy bun [+]
pertinax, May 09 2019

       Likewise, [+]. How about leaving some power tools that, accidentally, have the live and earth wires crossed? "Well, officer, he seems to have stolen these faulty power tools I was planning on sending for repair."
MaxwellBuchanan, May 09 2019

       //Homelessness is on the rise.
Addiction is on the rise.
Crime is on the rise.
...so how about time delayed bear-spray...?//

       I had to look up bear spray.
Wikipedia says that
::Bear spray is intended to be used to deter an aggressive or charging bear.::
::Bear spray is a very effective deterrent when used properly::
::latent spray (on object) has also led to the attraction of bears, which usually end up with the bear destroying the spray- covered object::

       I suppose bears are usually homeless over the summer and they must get caves on some sort of time-share arrangement.
It looks like the bears in your neighbourhood are already addicted to spray - no wonder the police are advising against further use.
Loris, May 09 2019

       How about "I was just charging my truck battery over-night, Officer. I didn't realise that it had shorted out, causing the whole truck to become live with 110V..."?
Re: expanding foam paint-balls; I've seriously considered this myself, I've got as far as finding a "test sized" supplier of the A & B components. The agitation/mixing required could be an issue, but I wonder if a 3rd additive that is exothermic or bubbling (gas released on impact) would provide the necessary impetus...
neutrinos_shadow, May 09 2019

       Have you considered building a garage?
RayfordSteele, May 10 2019

       //"Well, officer, he seems to have stolen these faulty power tools I was planning on sending for repair."//   

       Funny story, most of my tools have been... fixed at one time or another. Grinders are notorious for having their switches fry. It's easy enough to bypass the switch so that plugged in is "on" and unplugged is off. I had a contractor one time try to charge me with the damage he did to his hardwood floor by 'borrowing' my grinder without asking.   

       I had never heard of bears seeking out and attacking bear-spray canisters [Loris]. Interesting.   

       // The agitation/mixing required could be an issue, but I wonder if a 3rd additive that is exothermic or bubbling (gas released on impact) would provide the necessary impetus...//   

       The stuff in cans is pre-mixed and only expands on contact with air. Surely the paintballs could be designed to be pre-pressurized with both ingredients already mixed.   

       //lacktoes intolerant//
Deserves no reply other than some piggy has to go to market...

       // Have you considered building a garage?//   

       Ugh... renting.
Sold our house of twenty years and been looking for our forever home for a year and a half now.


       On the one hand, the A and B parts can be purchased separately. I haven't decided if a "halved" paintball (A & B in one ball, separated by a membrane) or alternating paintballs (A in one, B in the next) would work better.
On the other hand, a paintball strong enough to handle the "storage" pressure might be too strong to break open on impact. Experiments must be done!
neutrinos_shadow, May 10 2019

       Cannery Row..
not_morrison_rm, May 10 2019

       We have a different kind of crime problem: motor-scooter type motorcycles using a non-motorized section of the TransCanada Trail (bylaw in place) which cuts across Camp Teacup. Most of tough-guy motor-scooterists have lost their driver's licence due to intoxication or idiocy, or both. The trail is used by the elderly, disabled, kids, dog walkers, birdwatchers and other low-speed gentle travellers. It's an accident waiting to happen, it is.   

       Me: Here are some clear photos of motorcyclists driving while intoxicated, beer in hand, which I obtained at great personal risk, at your request, and the offenders' names and addresses, which I obtained... well, never mind. Are you going to enforce the 2006 'no-motor vehicle' bylaw?   

       Bylaw Chief: Nope. They'll just go on the roads. We're worried about the motorcyclists' safety on the highway.   

       Me: Wut?!   

       Later that day...   

       Me: Can I hide out in camo and hit 'em with paintballs as they pass by on the trail?   

       Cop: Nope. You'd be charged with assault with a weapon.   

       Me: So, you're going to take the photos I obtained at great personal risk (asked for by Bylaw Officer!?!), and the names and addresses, and charge these guys?   

       Cop: We don't enforce bylaws.   

       Me: Wut?! Well then, you can always wait for them out by the highway--Bylaw Chief is very concerned for their safety out there, and that would be a Highway Traffic Act violation then, right?   

       Cop: Not unless he's drunk and causing disruption. Motor-scooter type motorcycles don't need a licence or insurance to drive along the side of the road.   

       Me: ...   

       I need a remote-controlled paintball gun turret, stat.
Sgt Teacup, May 10 2019

       So many billionaires... so few BatMen...   

       For shits and giggles I've spent several years now off-and-on building a super-suit in my head.
It's pretty heavily weighted towards defense but could dish out if needed.
{Dear kickstarter; I just three mill or so to build a super-suit...}

       As for two-part chemical mixtures;   

       There is a compound which would make for an elegant non-lethal paintball round that might just deserve its own posting.   

       [2 fries...] sometimes it's scary how similarly we think...
Body armour step 1: Kevlar fibre & sintered tungsten carbide composite material. I need to find out if the melting point of Kevlar is higher than the lowest "plasticising" temp of tungsten carbide, or I need another (resin or...) to bind it all.
neutrinos_shadow, May 12 2019

       //it's scary how similarly we think...//   

       Cheers fellow neuronaught! Those rabbit-holes get downright snarly don't they?   

       Um, I had envisioned something like braided kevlar fiber encasing overlapping dilatant pockets like a non-Newtonian scale mail with reinforced joints... maybe pneumatic, but my subconscious keeps dragging me back to dilatant because of the rigidity and the time release aspect.
Any impacts will be felt across the entire suit. Whatever impacts do not squash your brain within your skull shouldn't kill you but concussions would accumulate over time.

       I'm sure there are super-suit versions all over the planet.
...but no BatMan. No Iron-Man.

       Nichola Tesla probably had the last chance at pulling a Bat-Man and getting away with it.   


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