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Human Invasion!

Or, Earth Attacks!
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Our pitiful Earth-bound civilisation has been ruthlessly attacked by aliens for more than a century now, from HG Wells' inexplicably murderous Tri-Pods to Independence Day's traveling swarm of all- consuming, giant armoured locusts, via all manner of violent beings along the way.

But for a select few, most other-worldly creatures just want us to die, right now, and usually in horribly gruesome ways. The others, discounting cutesy-wutesy Spielberg vehicles like ET or the robots from Batteries Not Included, have a painfully unhealthy enthusiasm for proctology, as if the anus is the window to the soul of man.

Conversely, the human race is a peaceful, diplomatic and compassionate species that endeavours to help all alien life-forms, whether they be primitive rock-throwing cave-beasts, semi- intelligent furry balls, or highly-advanced emotionless kill-joys. All can learn from our magnanimous virtue. Yes, we may seduce high-ranking brightly- coloured bipeds along the way, but only for the advancement of human-xenomorph relations, and not in a kinky, fetish kind of way, not at all. (Mmmm... blue...)

However, we, the audience, know humans for what they are: a bunch of twats. It's about time we portrayed that in a science fiction movie, in which we land on an alien planet and proceed to wipe out the prevalent civilisation to the brink of extinction, perhaps because they consume a valuable resource as part of their diet, or that their eyes make excellent trinkets for novelty shops back home.

The film should be from the aliens' perspective, initially exploring their quaint, village-based lives and exploring their doomed tribal nuances. Then, enter Man, stage-crater. At first, the aliens watch us from afar (they have excellent eyes remember) and witness our descent from a rocket ship, bumbling around in clumsy suits, tripping over rocks and generally looking hopeless and inept (despite having invented inter- stellar travel). Observing no threat, they decide to make contact with us.

By this point, Man has realised the air is breathable and have removed their helmets. They speak in an unintelligible alien language (perhaps Norwegian?) and are at first shocked to see their hosts. Probably hungry and cold after their long journey, the humans accept food and shelter. Hilarious cultural faux-pars ensue as we grimace at a bowl of wriggling squid fetuses, they splutter from inhaling a cancerous, flaming paper stick, and the natives can't quite grasp the rules of cricket, the morons. This sharing of experiences blooms into a heart-felt understanding between the two.

Then, for no apparent reason, Man starts caving all of the little aliens' heads in with make-shift spades, plundering their homes and raping their women (actually, this particular alien race is hermaphroditic and they have no distinction between men and women, so the jokes on us, ha!). Some are captured and experimented on in labs - not necessarily via the rectum, or equivalent organic portal, but unnecessarily hideous nonetheless.

We plunge the planet into chaos, as more and more of us arrive, until finally, we all get a cold or something and die. Phew, just in time, etc.

The great Paul Verhoeven has come closest with his cynical alien war pic Starship Troopers, in which Man invades the insectoids' home planet in order to exterminate them, all the while making humans look like fascist bastards. However, the insects were a viable threat, hurling meteors at Earth for no other reason than to whip up a shit- storm. When aliens come to kill us, as they have been doing for so long, what had we ever done to them? Nothing.

So: Unprovoked genocide. That's what I'm aiming for.

theleopard, Jun 25 2009

Torquemarda, Ruler of the Termite (Human) Empire http://en.wikipedia...Torquemada_(comics)
I think they fit your description to a T. [Aristotle, Jun 25 2009]

'The Iron Dream' by Norman Spinrad http://www.amazon.c...d=1245932637&sr=1-1
If you liked the Starship Troopers movie, you might well like this rather entertaining book written in a similar vein. [DrBob, Jun 25 2009]

Battle for Terra (computer animation, 3D) http://en.wikipedia...ki/Battle_for_Terra
Humans invade peaceful alien planet. [jutta, Jun 25 2009]

Planet 51 (computer animation) http://www.sonypict...om/movies/planet51/
Further from the spec than "Battle for Terra" - basically an excuse to make fun of US small-town life and lots of alien invader cliches. [jutta, Jun 25 2009]

War is the H-Word http://futurama.wik...i/War_is_The_H-Word
Futurama episode where Earth military invades an alien planet. [jaksplat, Jun 26 2009]

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       Starship Troopers was an extremely right-wing and militaristic book first.   

       Humans as xenophobic, galaxy-wide pillaging hoards? See link for a classic example.
Aristotle, Jun 25 2009

       HEY ! That's not ....... eh ?   

       Oh, sorry, [Aristotle], we thought you were having a go at us.   

       Carry on.
8th of 7, Jun 25 2009

       Whilst this has certainly been done in literature, I can't think, offhand, of a science fiction film that has tackled this one although you are right, theleopard, that the vastly entertaining Starship Troopers (or, as I prefer to call it 'Young Nazis In Space Get Massacred' - Go, Bugs, Go!) comes closest although, as Aristotle points out, the original book had a rather different tone.

The closest thing on TV that I can think of is the original Star Trek episode 'The Devil in the Dark', where the human miners are happily, but unknowingly, wiping out the local intelligent species (also reworked in the Next Generation) but it really only provides a back story to the episode.
DrBob, Jun 25 2009

       Two recent computer-animated full-length pictures - one out, one to come later this year - have been produced somewhat based on this premise; see links. "Battle for Terra" is quite close to your description; I'd missed its release, and it's pretty much stopped playing in the US by now, but only just. "Planet 51" has the human as bumbling fool, not evil invader, and is basically an excuse to make fun of movie cliches.
jutta, Jun 25 2009

       ...or, of course, the Golgafrinchan 'B' ark's invasion of Earth in HHGTTG - they were human (our ancestors, in fact) and wiped out the indigenous population.
hippo, Jun 25 2009

       I just have to point out describing the book Starship Troopers as militaristic is like describing a WWII movie that way. Choosing to focus on one aspect of society does not imply that there is nothing else to society.   

       The movie, on the other hand, you are welcome to describe as such.
MechE, Jun 25 2009

       Sounds like the history of North America since Columbus, except the part about the cold, (or something)...yet.
Bdsman64, Jun 25 2009

       since I'm waiting on the edge of my readin' chair for Eric Flint to get off his ass ;) and republish Christopher Anvil's "The Trouble With Humans", I'm gonna have to go with "baked".   

       I love Heinlein but his juvies are painted with a very wide stylized brush. I don't recall the movie offhand but the book is definitely *not* "Nazi" in any shape or form with the exception that "Rico's Roughnecks" are "stormtroopers" as are the elite troops of most nations. As to whether the "Bug War" was prima face justified or not, sorry, I don't recall.
FlyingToaster, Jun 26 2009


       You definitely got your high-ranking brightly colored bipeds, and your Gone-With-The-Wind/Fern Gully plot line.. and blue skin... hey!
mylodon, Jun 26 2009

       [FlyingToaster] - You have just given me the name of an author and a book that I've been trying to recall for -- a decade?
mylodon, Jun 26 2009

       We could just teach them to queue! That particular human trait of non productivity is sure to bring even the furthest reaches of intergalactic intelligence to its knees (err, some lower jointing mechansim, errr some pseudopod motiliy) Not one bullet spent, nor any hostile, dog-style, take overs.
4whom, Jun 26 2009

       [mylodon] in a lull in my regular authors' output I picked up "Interstellar Patrol".... hooked.
FlyingToaster, Jun 26 2009

       Star Trek: Insurrection?
RayfordSteele, Jun 26 2009


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