Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Half-baked Films Presents

Film making by unwitting (& mostly witless) committee.
  [vote for,

A work in progress.

Scrape the bakery for all mention of the Buchanan family estate, Sturton, the intercalary & sundry other related characters & items, order chronologically & condense into a screenplay.

[8th] of course will have to be given a writing credit.

All suggestions for titles gratefully accepted.

Skewed, Dec 26 2018


       We insist that names, dates and inside leg measurements are changed, to protect the guilty.
8th of 7, Dec 26 2018

       ^ That's an excellent title suggestion, it's definitely going in the hat.
Skewed, Dec 26 2018

       You might want to contact Rentisham's, with a view to a product placement deal.
8th of 7, Dec 26 2018

       I'm imagining the result would be fairly surreal, do you think we could get Terry Gilliam to direct?
Skewed, Dec 26 2018

       Stanley Kubrick on bad acid, assisted by Salvador Dali and David Lynch, might make a good team for the job ...
8th of 7, Dec 26 2018

       // the Buchanan family estate, Sturton & assorted other related characters & items,// Don't forget the intercalary - he's a bit touchy about being left out. And if you need a costume manager, Great Aunt Sebastian's your man.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 26 2018


       Aha! he's the assorted others, I just couldn't remember the correct spelling (I'll just edit him in).   

       Maybe Great Aunt Sebastian can coordinate with Rentisham's?   

       I was thinking we might try a suitably adorned clothing line as part of a combined product placement & advertising campaign.   

       Crocheted dioramas of select scenes from the finished picture (the hunting of Sturton springs to mind there, you know, that little mishap he had in the cloning lab last year) with logo patches perhaps.
Skewed, Dec 26 2018

       //We insist//   

       We commissioned some fairly extensive market branding & customer feedback surveys to product test your proposed title [8th], & the overwhelming consensus is the whole thing might be a bit long.   

       So we commissioned a few more using a selection of abridged versions & a clear winner has come to the fore.   

       How does "inside leg measurements" grab you?
Skewed, Dec 27 2018

       In quite the wrong place, resulting in an accusation of inappropriate touching and subsequent criminal prosecution.
8th of 7, Dec 27 2018

       So you mean perfect then? your response encapsulates the expected flavor of the film superbly.   

       Well, large slices of it anyway, Sturton is expected to have a prominent part in the finished article after all.
Skewed, Dec 27 2018

       We have far too much information about Sturton's prominent part already, thankyou.   

       It's not big, and it's not clever.
8th of 7, Dec 27 2018

       Actually you're only half right, [8th]. Sturton was once voted "Boy most likely to overbalance". Admittedly, that was a good many years go, and his centre of mass has shifted somewhat since then.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 27 2018

       //and his centre of mass has shifted somewhat since then.//   

       Following war wounds or hunting accidents*, there are many tales of shrapnel or bullets moving unpredictably inside the body. It's still surprising that even 32lb of the Royal Navy's finest Carronade ball should be so mobile.   

       * hunting has always been dangerous, but big game hunting with Semaphore-targeted Naval bombardment has to be up there, especially with Sturton's penchant for a colorful handkerchief.
bs0u0155, Dec 27 2018

       The worst of it is that, when they did eventually scrape the okapi off the rockface, it turned out to be almost inedible. Cordite leaves a bit of a tang.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 27 2018

       This would be much like the Red Green Show with British accents, no?
RayfordSteele, Dec 28 2018

       Royalties: would you invite any?
pertinax, Dec 28 2018

       //It's not big, and it's not clever.//   

       Milligan: "his part and its downfall".
pertinax, Dec 28 2018

       Any glaring holes in the plot would be filled with passages from the Epic of Gilgamesh, s/Enkidu/Sturton/g   

       The epic would thereby play the same role as the frog DNA in Jurassic Park.
pertinax, Dec 28 2018

       //Royalties: would you invite any?//   

       At a stretch it might be appropriate for Charles to reprise his role as the BFG, but other than that I'm not sure where they'd fit in?   

       //glaring holes//   

       We were looking at a combination of "Carry On Screaming!" & "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" for that, but the epic of Gilgamesh would avoid the need to aquire any permissions from current copyright holders of course.
Skewed, Dec 28 2018


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