h a l f b a k e r y
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Our pitiful Earth-bound civilisation has been ruthlessly attacked by
aliens for more than a century now, from HG Wells' inexplicably
murderous Tri-Pods to Independence Day's traveling swarm of all-
consuming, giant armoured locusts, via all manner of violent beings
along the way.
But for a
select few, most other-worldly creatures just want us to
right now, and usually in horribly gruesome ways. The others,
cutesy-wutesy Spielberg vehicles like ET or the robots from
Not Included, have a painfully unhealthy enthusiasm for proctology,
as if the anus is the window to the soul of man.
Conversely, the human race is a peaceful, diplomatic and
compassionate species that endeavours to help all alien life-forms,
whether they be primitive rock-throwing cave-beasts, semi-
furry balls, or highly-advanced emotionless kill-joys. All can learn
our magnanimous virtue. Yes, we may seduce high-ranking
coloured bipeds along the way, but only for the advancement of
human-xenomorph relations, and not in a kinky, fetish kind of way,
not at all. (Mmmm... blue...)
However, we, the audience, know humans for what they are: a
of twats. It's about time we portrayed that in a science fiction
in which we land on an alien planet and proceed to wipe out the
prevalent civilisation to the brink of extinction, perhaps because
consume a valuable resource as part of their diet, or that their eyes
make excellent trinkets for novelty shops back home.
The film should be from the aliens' perspective, initially exploring
quaint, village-based lives and exploring their doomed tribal
Then, enter Man, stage-crater. At first, the aliens watch us from
(they have excellent eyes remember) and witness our descent from
rocket ship, bumbling around in clumsy suits, tripping over rocks
generally looking hopeless and inept (despite having invented inter-
stellar travel). Observing no threat, they decide to make contact
By this point, Man has realised the air is breathable and have
removed their helmets. They speak in an unintelligible alien
(perhaps Norwegian?) and are at first shocked to see their hosts.
Probably hungry and cold after their long journey, the humans
food and shelter. Hilarious cultural faux-pars ensue as we grimace
a bowl of wriggling squid fetuses, they splutter from inhaling a
cancerous, flaming paper stick, and the natives can't quite grasp
rules of cricket, the morons. This sharing of experiences blooms
a heart-felt understanding between the two.
Then, for no apparent reason, Man starts caving all of the little
heads in with make-shift spades, plundering their homes and raping
their women (actually, this particular alien race is hermaphroditic
and they have no distinction between men and women, so the
ha!). Some are captured and experimented on in labs - not
necessarily via the rectum, or equivalent organic portal, but
unnecessarily hideous nonetheless.
We plunge the planet into chaos, as more and more of us arrive,
finally, we all get a cold or something and die. Phew, just in time,
The great Paul Verhoeven has come closest with his cynical alien
pic Starship Troopers, in which Man invades the insectoids' home
planet in order to exterminate them, all the while making humans
like fascist bastards. However, the insects were a viable threat,
hurling meteors at Earth for no other reason than to whip up a shit-
storm. When aliens come to kill us, as they have been doing for so
long, what had we ever done to them? Nothing.
So: Unprovoked genocide. That's what I'm aiming for.
Torquemarda, Ruler of the Termite (Human) Empire
I think they fit your description to a T. [Aristotle, Jun 25 2009]
'The Iron Dream' by Norman Spinrad
If you liked the Starship Troopers movie, you might well like this rather entertaining book written in a similar vein. [DrBob, Jun 25 2009]
Battle for Terra (computer animation, 3D)
Humans invade peaceful alien planet. [jutta, Jun 25 2009]
Planet 51 (computer animation)
Further from the spec than "Battle for Terra" - basically an excuse to make fun of US small-town life and lots of alien invader cliches. [jutta, Jun 25 2009]
War is the H-Word
Futurama episode where Earth military invades an alien planet. [jaksplat, Jun 26 2009]
||Starship Troopers was an extremely right-wing and militaristic book first.
||Humans as xenophobic, galaxy-wide pillaging hoards? See link for a classic example.
||HEY ! That's not ....... eh ?
||Oh, sorry, [Aristotle], we thought you were having a go at us.
||Whilst this has certainly been done in literature, I can't think, offhand, of a science fiction film that has tackled this one although you are right, theleopard, that the vastly entertaining Starship Troopers (or, as I prefer to call it 'Young Nazis In Space Get Massacred' - Go, Bugs, Go!) comes closest although, as Aristotle points out, the original book had a rather different tone.
The closest thing on TV that I can think of is the original Star Trek episode 'The Devil in the Dark', where the human miners are happily, but unknowingly, wiping out the local intelligent species (also reworked in the Next Generation) but it really only provides a back story to the episode.
||Two recent computer-animated full-length pictures - one out, one to come later this year - have been produced somewhat based on this premise; see links. "Battle for Terra" is quite close to your description; I'd missed its release, and it's pretty much stopped playing in the US by now, but only just. "Planet 51" has the human as bumbling fool, not evil invader, and is basically an excuse to make fun of movie cliches.
||There is a film coming out, a childrens cutesy one. The humans have left earth and want to colonise another world by destroying the alien race. Cant remember the name though.
||It contains the obligatory good human who chooses to fight for the alien species rather than his own kind. He probably marries the rulers daughter or something, pap but covers the idea nicely.
||Just looked up and seen Battle For Terra is the name and it has been linked by [jutta]
||...or, of course, the Golgafrinchan 'B' ark's invasion of Earth in HHGTTG - they were human (our ancestors, in fact) and wiped out the indigenous population.
||I just have to point out describing the book Starship
Troopers as militaristic is like describing a WWII movie that
way. Choosing to focus on one aspect of society does not
imply that there is nothing else to society.
||The movie, on the other hand, you are welcome to describe
||Sounds like the history of North America since Columbus, except the part about the cold, (or something)...yet.
||since I'm waiting on the edge of my readin' chair for Eric Flint to get off his ass ;) and republish Christopher Anvil's "The Trouble With Humans", I'm gonna have to go with "baked".
||I love Heinlein but his juvies are painted with a very wide stylized brush. I don't recall the movie offhand but the book is definitely *not* "Nazi" in any shape or form with the exception that "Rico's Roughnecks" are "stormtroopers" as are the elite troops of most nations. As to whether the "Bug War" was prima face justified or not, sorry, I don't recall.
||You definitely got your high-ranking brightly colored bipeds, and your Gone-With-The-Wind/Fern Gully plot line.. and blue skin... hey!
||[FlyingToaster] - You have just given me the name of an author and a book that I've been trying to recall for -- a decade?
||We could just teach them to queue! That particular human trait of non productivity is sure to bring even the furthest reaches of intergalactic intelligence to its knees (err, some lower jointing mechansim, errr some pseudopod motiliy) Not one bullet spent, nor any hostile, dog-style, take overs.
||[mylodon] in a lull in my regular authors' output I picked up "Interstellar Patrol".... hooked.