Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Humiliation for Newbies

Make them pay with their dignity....
  (+8, -12)
(+8, -12)
  [vote for,

The Halfbakery and seasoned bakers are clearly not a good enough deterrent to stupid newbies. I have always noticed that very stupid newbies (as most newbies are) have the least capacity to shake off embarrassment of any kind. We should therefore construct a television show around the humiliation of newbies. Newbies who are posting an idea for any reason should be trotted out onto a platform in a tutu and a top hat to be made fun of by superwomen such as bliss, po, bristolz, sappho and 1% as well as real men such as UB, phoenix, StarChaser, waugs, quarterbaker, FarmerJohn, beaux, and Rods Tiger.

They {the stupid newbies} should have the address of the website detailing their ideas written in sparkling nailpolish on the front and back of their shirts, and the viewing audience could e-mail insults for the panel and taunters to use. All of the stupid newbies would be hooked to a heart monitor, and when the embarrassment of one of the newbies caused his heart rate to climb to a certain pace, his top hat would spring open, and a sign would pop out that said, “I am a great big fool!” The stupid newbie would then be dumped off the platform into a wading pool full of exploding custard. Anyone thinking of posting a stupid idea on the 1/2 B might actually be deterred by such a spectacle. It would be very difficult for stupid newbies to fit the idea of being really smart together with the idea of being dumped in exploding custard while wearing a ballerina outfit.

runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

My inspiration for this..... http://www.halfbake...n_20for_20Criminals
[runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

or we could just do this... http://www.halfbake...tupid_20_22ideas_22
...please do not feed the trolls!!!
let them fall to the bottom of the pile where they belong. [mihali, Jul 05 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       I thought Farmer was a gal?
po, Jul 03 2002

       No matter what their crime, you cannot deny them right to be buried as whole men. Oh, heck, yes you can!
[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       ...not the ones that took time to lurk and get to know the place first. there have been exceptions....   

       FarmerJohn's a girl? No way.
runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

       Hey, I thought I was still a newbie, though you're right about the real man part...and you encourage lurkers?
FarmerJohn, Jul 03 2002

       real men: add my sweet daruma, Rods, Peter (all of them) drvindaloo, doged, hey don't forget hippo, robertkidney, the mighty cheese, st3f, the DrBob, <bang> Afro hisself, global, angel, pottedstu, Guy & supercat, Aristotle the wonderful, egnor, cp and kaz and gizmo, faceache, mwb, and ravenswood, entremanure, fraggle, goff, pseudo,(sneaks in [sctld]), rbl and the marvellous TW himself. apologies if I have left any real men out. and of course dear Ivan - runfy its your idea, of course you are included.   

       I really am most embarrassed by this anno, but so many have commented on it that I could not possibly delete it now. ( I think the home-brew had quite gone to my head when I did it, rather ) anyway in my sad state I forgot: TEA, bobofthepast and future, SteveDeGroof, Yama, Rayford, mihali, bookworm, 8th & Matty & ok mrthingy (after a very subtle dig)   

       & earl
po, Jul 03 2002

runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

       Good job we've got all these real men around, otherwise we might get inundated with those fake men. Lumberjacks, they call 'em.
[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       Farmer, I think you and I came in on the same bus....although I lurked for over a year first. Besides, with all your ideas, you've long since left the land of the newbies.
runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

       Its got custard, its got humiliation and its got humiliatory heart monitor markery.... a croissant for you, and a custard flavoured pool for me....
The_Englishman_Abroad, Jul 03 2002

       Hi, TEA, good to see you around. You forgot to mention that it's also a complete "satirical rip-off of the latest newbie idea that annoyed forrest"   

       which, I'm sure, will earn it a [m-f-d] soon <grin>
runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

       Would the last person in please close the door behind them?   

       If it wasn't for "newbies", there wouldn't be a Halfbakery. We were all newbies once, and some of us were particularly stupid. Actually, some of us still are.   

       Btw, this belongs in the Halfbakery category.
DrCurry, Jul 03 2002

       Dr Curry, there are good ones, there are bad ones. Some bad ones become good ones with time. Some good ones fit in from the first day and it seems like they've been here forever. Some bad ones never change and we breath a sigh of relief when they quit visiting.   

       This belongs in this category right next to the idea from which it was spawned.
runforrestrun, Jul 03 2002

       Whilst I am honoured to be classified as a real man by a lady as elegant and dignified as yourself [po] I must confess to only being 16, and therefore not valid legally for the honour.
kaz, Jul 03 2002

       don't be so silly, with a mature mind such as yours... whatever {sctld] says take no notice, he is such a downer...
po, Jul 03 2002

       I'm classed as a 'real man' ? cool.
kaz, Jul 03 2002

       You are in Scotland at least. Having said that, being a real man in scotland means that you can't drive a car or buy (most types of) alcohol. You can poison your lungs though!
[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       And be a pendant anonymous under your kilt.
FarmerJohn, Jul 03 2002

       Custard ? Lead me to it .... I just LOVE custard ....
8th of 7, Jul 03 2002

       There are newbies who aren't stupid, and there are certainly stupid people who aren't newbies.
bookworm, Jul 04 2002

       It's an interesting phenomenon, this forum community thing. After a year...er, and a bit I think, have to check...the most obvious thing about the HB is that the cast is in constant flux. Where indeed are the Micky-the-Fish of yesteryear? You can't step in the same stream twice, nor crush the same newbie...well, yes you can, some of the Clewless require constant crushing...but I wander, I digress.   

       Wit and style, parry and thrust, we skewer the Clewless whenever we must.
Dog Ed, Jul 04 2002

       Po, I'm flattered to be real!   

       On the subject of lurking, I think I shall have to resort to a quotation....   

       "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65)
fraggle, Jul 04 2002

       move that to the 'Sayings of Confusion' idea, and attribute it to any contemporary politican you like.
sappho, Jul 04 2002

       //the marvellous TW himself//
Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
thumbwax, Jul 04 2002

       <extremely pitiful sad dog eyes guilt trip mode>I guess I'll go chop down some trees, then...</extremely pitiful sad dog eyes guilt trip mode>
RayfordSteele, Jul 04 2002

       //i dont think i will be much embarased by the cream cheeze baloon girl or any of half wits like her//
Does anyone else see a delightful irony in that comment?
angel, Jul 04 2002

       // "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65) //   

       I have to disagree with Abe on that one. If you don't open your mouth and make mistakes, not only will you not realise the gaps in your knowledge, but you're unlikely to get help from anyone and you'll never actually learn anything. You'll just sit in silence the rest of your life. Creative children always test the rules to breaking point.
pottedstu, Jul 04 2002

       [references and annos concerning dubble-dutch deleted since he seems to have removed himself]
runforrestrun, Jul 04 2002

       I was first insulted, then saddened, now finally glad not to be mentioned by po. I'm unreal, man..
yamahito, Jul 04 2002

       no, you're a hill, man.
runforrestrun, Jul 04 2002

       gosh, think about how much money that show would cost! it would bankrupt the site in custard alone. Also, I think spending this much time on a website, any website, might be humiliation enough.
subgenius, Jul 05 2002

       Bye then.
[ sctld ], Jul 05 2002

       see link.
mihali, Jul 05 2002

       // I'm classed as a 'real man' ? cool. //   

       kaz, don't congratulate yourself just yet. They called me one too, notice... thus diluting the whole concept.   

       tsonga, I assure you the "cream cheeze baloon girl" (learn to fucking spell, you dolt) has forgotten more than you'll ever know. You are out of your league.
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2002

       after reading the recent list for today....I am, for the first time, wishing I could bake this idea. <sigh>
runforrestrun, Jul 05 2002

       somebody's hearing me, Steve. before I left for lunch, a horrible idea concerning midgets appeared in the recent list. In my annotation, I called upon the gods of the halfbakery and even added a curse/hex....lo and behold, I come back from lunch and the idea is gone.... I must remember to leave an offering for the gods at the crossroads tonight <grin> I'm thinking a plate of croissants would be appropriate.... (((this made a little more sense before Steve deleted his annotation right above here)))
runforrestrun, Jul 05 2002

       she might prefer a gin and tonic :)
po, Jul 05 2002

       ...that and a lobster dinner, anytime she's in town....
runforrestrun, Jul 05 2002

       ;-) [po] for adding me to your list even though I'm only half a month old. At least I can spell like a real man.
Matty, Jul 05 2002

       I return only to find myself castrated by po.
earl, Jul 05 2002

       I dunno. The idea is, of course, well intentioned as evidenced by the dubble whammy of trols lately, but a TV show? This is an internet forum. And besides, myself being a sorta-newbie, I feal a sort of kindred bond, however detestable, with the foools. Ahh well, I enjoy this idea for what it is- an idea.
polartomato, Jul 05 2002

       Ahh, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Thanks, po. You have restored pride to the pawtucket loins.
earl, Jul 05 2002

       // move that to the 'Sayings of Confusion' idea, and attribute it to any contemporary politican you like. // I'm thinking Dan Quayle.
RayfordSteele, Jul 05 2002

       //you forgt me, to,// I forgt you, to, what?   

       BTW, bristolz has one of the most powerful, intellectual minds that I have ever encountered and possibly the nicest personality to match.
po, Jul 05 2002

       And she can draw, which in combination with the other qualities is frankly sickeningly unfair.
pottedstu, Jul 05 2002

       <femi-knotsi> BTW, all this talk about real men makes me wonder... for the purposes of equality, what about all dem real women out there? Or are they a minority here? </ femi-not-see>
polartomato, Jul 05 2002

       //its a dull mind that can only figur out how to spell a word one way.//
I asssure you that [bristolz] and the rest of us could figure out many ways to spell words; we know, however, that only one of them is correct. We also know which one that is.
angel, Jul 08 2002

       Well, yes; most of us here can recognise and take account of local variations. 'Colour' is correct for you and me, 'color' is correct for [thumbwax]. 'Cullor' is incorrect everywhere.
angel, Jul 08 2002

       I'm hono(u)red, angel - though here I indicate colo(u)r
thumbwax, Jul 08 2002

       So I'm a real man (thanks [po]) but also a newbie. I'm so humiliated. Especially as my first two ideas have been half-boned. Hoping to learn, but not the visciousness and crudity currently swamping the site. Pass the custard...
PeterSilly, Jul 08 2002

       you might not like what you see, bliss
po, Jul 08 2002

lubbit, Aug 18 2003

       excse me while i click - one thousand times
saddam_insane, Jun 29 2004

       Aren't you supposed to shoot them with all the RFID transponders their ideas used? or will bluetooth be better for this application?   

       And heaven's sake, wouldn't it be better to just spread the mutagen on them, have a radioactive horse breed with them, or whatever you're supposed to do that will GM us some smart halfbakers who post witty ideas?
ye_river_xiv, Oct 18 2007

       This idea is stupid. I remember when I was a "newb'. It sucked! As it should. Its bad enough posting with intentions of setting the bakery a-blaze with your awesome idea, and getting completely shot down, degraded and mocked into a corner, in till you learn and start posting ideas people want to read.
evilpenguin, Oct 18 2007

       //I remember when I was a "newb'//.... you're still one ! Standard Newb time is 2 years and one month - hey I'm in the clear next week. You get double fishbones to deliver and double croissants for every idea you've posted when you are no longer a newbie AND you get to learn the secret Bakery leg shaking greeting AND you get a special email revealing the true identity of the autoboner. Have you got any of these mrpenguin ? no -didn't think so !
xenzag, Oct 18 2007

       Newbies are like old people. They should be shot at birth.
theleopard, Oct 18 2007

       Wow, that makes no sense, silly kitty.
evilpenguin, Oct 18 2007


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