h a l f b a k e r y
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I Know What You Ate Last Night is Apples new diagnostic
app which enables your iPhone to tell exactly what you
Heres how it works:
After installing the app, you must follow this process.
1 Do not eat or drink anything for at least 12 hours.
2 Select Calibrate
Mode and hold your phone against
your stomach for a minute so that it learns the normal
background sound of your digestion when its at
3 Activate Identify Mode and eat something like a
digestive biscuit with a cup of coffee.
4 Hold the phone against your stomach again so that the
app can listen to the sound and compare it with the
complex waveforms of food being digested already
stored on its massive database.
I Know What You Ate Last Night will identify your food as
Coffee and Biscuits.
Over time as its database grows, I Know What You Ate
Last Night will be able to identify more and more detail,
eventually reporting back the exact nature of the food
and drink consumed ie in this case that would be
Roberts Coffee and McVities Hobnob biscuits.
Diagnosis of a meal will be able to confirm the
authenticity of all the ingredients, wine vintage etc,
simply by analysing the sounds of them being digested.
For example Guinness will be distinguished from
Beamish, and the best cheese and onion crips as Tayto
(from N.Ireland of course)
Pic of Idea
[xenzag, Apr 01 2022]
The Noisy Guts Project (2018)
Acoustic Belt for Irritable Bowel Syndrome diagnosis, lots of press in 2018, then it ... seems to have gone quiet. [jutta, Apr 05 2022]
||Do you have to swallow the iphone?
||Could put it in one of those blenders to make a smoothie?
||Of course, but make sure to push down hard with
your bare hand.
||Wouldn't have expected any but negativity from
voice aka Mr Negative. Constant negativity,
magnified by a lack of humour is one of the
reasons why the once joyous HB has turned into a
creative desert. It's April fools day for fuck sake! I
don't know why I bother actually.
||Perhaps you can incorporate the term "borborygmi" into the app as an error response for something unidentified.
||That would definitely improve it.
||//I don't know why I bother actually.//
||Because you're good enough to incorporate a heckler into
the act. It's fine, so long as he doesn't bring Koch.
||Feel free to walk on stage and slap him into next week,
xennie. Him/her or whomever you are talking to that is.
Please don't touch pertinax, I have a fondness for that non-
||I'd like to post him back to his favourite genius
||I get that you're jealous, but you come up with good ideas too. Sometimes. Cheer up; have you considered accepting alcohol as your lord and savior?
||//so long as he doesn't bring Koch.//
Yeah, it's bad form to show your Koch in public.
||As the sounds of my lactose-intolerant wife's gut biome vary
drastically from my own upon consuming butter, I can't see
this actually ever working. But that's never stopped us
||Could come with a little box with different foods in little
compartments that you use to calibrate one at a time on
sequential mornings, so that the system can learn that a user
is e.g. lactose intolerant or unusually adept at digesting Kale.
||Well it's not magic. It was supposed to be an April
fool but clearly that was lost on you. It's also (as
pointed out by Jutta) quite possible in the spirit of
||I'm not sure listening to only the stomach would be enough (to
How about a pro version: a swallow-able Bluetooth unit with
microphone, pH sensor, thermometer.