Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I Know What You Ate Last Night

digestion shazam
  (+6, -4)
(+6, -4)
  [vote for,

I Know What You Ate Last Night is Apple’s new diagnostic app which enables your iPhone to tell exactly what you ate recently.
Here’s how it works:
After installing the app, you must follow this process.
1 Do not eat or drink anything for at least 12 hours.
2 Select “Calibrate Mode” and hold your phone against your stomach for a minute so that it learns the normal background sound of your digestion when it’s at complete rest.
3 Activate “Identify Mode” and eat something like a digestive biscuit with a cup of coffee.
4 Hold the phone against your stomach again so that the app can listen to the sound and compare it with the complex waveforms of food being digested already stored on its massive database. I Know What You Ate Last Night will identify your food as Coffee and Biscuits.

Over time as its database grows, I Know What You Ate Last Night will be able to identify more and more detail, eventually reporting back the exact nature of the food and drink consumed ie in this case that would be Robert’s Coffee and McVitie’s Hobnob biscuits.

Diagnosis of a meal will be able to confirm the authenticity of all the ingredients, wine vintage etc, simply by analysing the sounds of them being digested. For example Guinness will be distinguished from Beamish, and the best cheese and onion crips as Tayto (from N.Ireland of course)

xenzag, Apr 01 2022

Pic of Idea https://sodabred.tu...e-last-night-its-an
[xenzag, Apr 01 2022]

The Noisy Guts Project (2018) https://crowdresear...noisy-guts-project/
Acoustic Belt for Irritable Bowel Syndrome diagnosis, lots of press in 2018, then it ... seems to have gone quiet. [jutta, Apr 05 2022]


       Do you have to swallow the iphone?
pocmloc, Apr 01 2022

       Yes, but no chewing.
xenzag, Apr 01 2022

       Could put it in one of those blenders to make a smoothie?
pocmloc, Apr 01 2022

       Of course, but make sure to push down hard with your bare hand.
xenzag, Apr 01 2022

Voice, Apr 01 2022

       Wouldn't have expected any but negativity from voice aka Mr Negative. Constant negativity, magnified by a lack of humour is one of the reasons why the once joyous HB has turned into a creative desert. It's April fools day for fuck sake! I don't know why I bother actually.
xenzag, Apr 01 2022

       Perhaps you can incorporate the term "borborygmi" into the app as an error response for something unidentified.
tatterdemalion, Apr 01 2022

       That would definitely improve it.
pertinax, Apr 01 2022

       //I don't know why I bother actually.//   

       Because you're good enough to incorporate a heckler into the act. It's fine, so long as he doesn't bring Koch.
pertinax, Apr 01 2022

       Feel free to walk on stage and slap him into next week, xennie. Him/her or whomever you are talking to that is. Please don't touch pertinax, I have a fondness for that non- gender-identified baker.
blissmiss, Apr 01 2022

       I'd like to post him back to his favourite genius Putin.
xenzag, Apr 02 2022

       I get that you're jealous, but you come up with good ideas too. Sometimes. Cheer up; have you considered accepting alcohol as your lord and savior?
Voice, Apr 02 2022

       //so long as he doesn't bring Koch.//
Yeah, it's bad form to show your Koch in public.
neutrinos_shadow, Apr 03 2022

       As the sounds of my lactose-intolerant wife's gut biome vary drastically from my own upon consuming butter, I can't see this actually ever working. But that's never stopped us before.
RayfordSteele, Apr 04 2022

       Could come with a little box with different foods in little compartments that you use to calibrate one at a time on sequential mornings, so that the system can learn that a user is e.g. lactose intolerant or unusually adept at digesting Kale.
jutta, Apr 05 2022

       [-] magic
4and20, Apr 05 2022

       Well it's not magic. It was supposed to be an April fool but clearly that was lost on you. It's also (as pointed out by Jutta) quite possible in the spirit of halfbakery business.
xenzag, Apr 05 2022

       I'm not sure listening to only the stomach would be enough (to differentiate).
How about a pro version: a swallow-able Bluetooth unit with microphone, pH sensor, thermometer.
neutrinos_shadow, Apr 05 2022


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