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Intestinal Ballast

When in trouble, release the ballast.
  (+3, -5)
(+3, -5)
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When pressed with the need to use a public bathroom which may or may not be within range, one would like the option of a temporary "reprieve." This is achievable by implanting a device resembling a balloon inside of the large intestine, combined with a discrete means of inflation and deflation. Normally, it would be kept in the inflated state. When one needs an additional hour or two before the need can be attended to, one "releases the ballast" and deflates the balloon. Also, there is no reason why this could not be made to work with the bladder.
harakist, Jul 14 2002

Artificial Sphincter http://www.visitams...ent.asp?pageID=299&
The AMS 800 articifial bladder shpincter [oneoffdave, Oct 04 2004]


       When you're full, you're full. I fail to see how any internal device will relieve the pressure.
DrCurry, Jul 15 2002

       DrCurry misses the point. The idea is to force you to 'go' when you are only half full. And, if you can't find anywhere to go, you deflate & then get your spare space back. It's like a reserve gas tank, in reverse.
pfperry, Jul 15 2002

       This idea attempts to address a real problem, but, typical of a lot I see on here, in a mechanical, forcing manner. Why not simply use a fast acting laxative?   

       Sounds even sillier for the bladder. Maybe I'm not old enough-- I have never suffered inability to go sooner than I need when anticipating lack of access to facilities or desire not to have to make an interruption later.   

       And for men in cars, there is a simple solution my redneck friends use: soda pop containers, plastic preferred. If they don't have caps (or even if they do) pour the contents out the window after use! Could toss the container, but that'd be littering.
ThotMouser, Jul 15 2002

       When you have to go, you have to go...unless you don't have a large intestine like someone I know. He must forever fight against the need to go every hour until, one day, his small bowel gets used to slowing down. If he can do it, so can we.
Jinbish, Jul 19 2002

       I think an important element of the idea is that it takes no *effort* on your part, only money and access to a surgeon. All this /until, one day.../ sounds a bit time-consuming to me.
Ludwig, Dec 17 2002


       i think this is a pretty good idea, except... are there "replacement balloons?"   

       also, i'm thinking the balloon would have to be made of a pretty durable material. accidental breakage in a social situation would force me to buy a log cabin deep in the woods and live there for life. it would be located far from human civilazation, where i would then be known as "the girl who's balloon exploded at the fondue party."
screwdriverqueen, Dec 17 2002

       I'm sorry - once more I decry this idea... while the human body is remarkably resilient, it can only do so much. If you initiate the intestinal ballast, i.e. reduce the time most foodstuffs are in the intestine, then beware... The Ileum (small intestine) extracts certain minerals etc. and the colon (large intestine/bowel) mainly extracts water.   

       Place this ballast in the small intestine and you run the risk of nutritional deficiency (obviously not good). Put the ballast into the colon and you will suffer from dehydration easier and ruin your athletic ability to recover from exercise. Your anal 'output' will become more liquid and VERY acidic meaning that the anal skin will be burnt unless some kind of barrier cream is used (after cleaning the anus completely, every time you shit - approx 5 times a day).   

       As for the bladder - it is really sensitive to being messed about with. Look at the numbers of older men with enlarged prostrates - that puts pressure on the bladder so they need to pee - except they don't manage to empty it, leaving traces of stale urine inside. Needless to say that a urine infection is more than likely and a kidney infection might follow. (Btw, you are in trouble if that happens)   

       The human body works really well on its own - I can see where the idea comes from, but I will continue to shout it down.
Jinbish, Dec 17 2002

       There is a device for artificially controlling the bladder shpincter that could be adapted to bake this [see link]. The control device is usually implanted in the scrotum in men and near the labia in women, so 'pumping ballast' would have to be done in private or in public by exhibitionists, thought the latter may not need it anyway.
oneoffdave, Dec 18 2002


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