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Jar full of Swarming Ants

Break in case of emergency.
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Not so much a jar, but more a readily concealable vessel worn perhaps as a cod piece, under a hat or in the soles of platform shoes. This contains an orbital mass of tiny swarming ants, each clambering over the other in a pulsating orb of exoskeletal rigidity. These ants are contented in this state by partially dissolved sweets of the kind one might find covered in ants in the willd.

Just as easily concealed in a pocket, these ants can also be stored in a briefcase if in contact with some part of the body such as a pantleg. When a difficult social siutation arises such as a meeting with a boss, break-up with a partner, or being questioned by police, simply break open the Jar full of Swarming Ants. You will feel a slight tingling sensation as the thousands of insects expand the scope of their territory to the last remaining freckle of your living flesh.

Then simply by screaming "ANTS!" or even sitting calmly and leaving the other to panic, you will be delivered, at least temporarily, from whatever unpleasntness induced the release of the many ants.

rcarty, Jul 22 2012

Them! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Them!
We're gonna need a bigger jar... [MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 22 2012]

Uncle Milton's Giant Ant Farm http://www.antfarmu.com/product/0033
[jurist, Jul 26 2012]

[link]






       A natural counter to someone releasing a swarm of angry bees.
zen_tom, Jul 22 2012
  

       Perhaps the giant ants keep jars of humans ready to disperse to scare the other giant ants.
pocmloc, Jul 22 2012
  

       [ ], not a - only because I pictured a red, glass-fronted box on the wall reading "In Case of Emergency..." with an anteater inside.
FlyingToaster, Jul 22 2012
  

       I'm thinking about keeping a jar with a little brown dust as a conversation piece.
rcarty, Jul 22 2012
  

       I almost seriously considered starting a jar farm... still haven't ruled it out completely.
FlyingToaster, Jul 22 2012
  

       When I was a child my dad built an above ground sandbox out of wooden planks. A small child could sit on the edge and excavate etc. Well, years passed and that sand hardened. One day that sandbox was to be destroyed. The planks were removed to reveal something amazing. Countless tunnels and chambers, and ants travelling through them carrying white globs. The entire mound was their dominion. However despite their best efforts to defend it they could not resist the onslaught of shovels.
rcarty, Jul 22 2012
  

       //despite their best efforts to defend it they could not resist the onslaught of shovels// in the short term. However, little did [rcarty] suspect the plans that even now, were nearing completion...
pocmloc, Jul 22 2012
  

       Ants don't really have the desired effect; a jar of swarming roaches, now...
Phrontistery, Jul 22 2012
  

       It's ANTS dammit. I love it. +
blissmiss, Jul 22 2012
  

       Carrying that precious substrata.
rcarty, Jul 25 2012
  

       The 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4 predicted that today would be the annual 'Day of the Thing with the Ants'. This day, that historically occurs 8 days after the 'Day of the Thing with the Bulls' in Tramplonya, Spain, is when the ants all sprout wings and cover our windscreen when you are doing 90 down the motorway with no screen wash. Turns out that Radio 4 got it wrong.
Like the idea though!
gnomethang, Jul 25 2012
  

       Needs more jam and bees.
theleopard, Jul 25 2012
  

       A little large to conceal beneath a codpiece, but Uncle Milton has been providing a swarm of ants that can be readily transported in a briefcase or messenger bag or large purse for over fifty years. [link]
jurist, Jul 26 2012
  

       I'll post you a fire ant colony, if you really want some fun.
UnaBubba, Jul 26 2012
  

       The ant invasion arrived in my earthfloor kitchen today, winged and wingless. I don't recommend it as an experience.
Phrontistery, Jul 26 2012
  
      
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