Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Job Titles for Jobless

Virtual Vocations
  (+27, -2)(+27, -2)(+27, -2)
(+27, -2)
  [vote for,

The unemployed or the employed with job titles that sound boring, when asked what they do, can now respond with exotic sounding but fake professions. Those on the dole, not looking for work, can report one of the following vocations in order to avoid job offers. Lastly, these phony posts may ultimately lead to the creation of new job sectors causing increased economic growth bringing about world peace and eternal, universal happiness, amen.

Advertisement flyer
Ankle warmer
Ceiling coffer
Circuit breaker
Crop duster
Drink chaser
Dust buster
Eye opener
Fender bender
Fly swatter
Goat butter
Horse blinder
Napkin holder
Mink muffler
Octopus sucker
Packet sniffer
Pooper scooper
Sock drawer

FarmerJohn, Jun 20 2002

Privacy https://www.wired.c...rivacy-get-over-it/
[a1, Oct 23 2023]

A nice cesspit to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there https://www.faceboo...m/groups/2309154891
Burner devices and email accounts and VPN recommended [a1, Oct 28 2023]

example of the work of a stochastic futurologist cordless_20phone_2fdoorbell
[pertinax, Oct 30 2023]


       I realise I may regret asking this, but, //Mink Muffler//? Do you mean a muffler made of mink, or a person who muffles minks?
salachair, Jun 20 2002

stupop, Jun 20 2002

beauxeault, Jun 20 2002

       Stealth orator
Absent librarian
stupop, Jun 20 2002

       bull Worker, gas Burner, infra-red remote Controller, insect Feeler, life size Poster, minute Hand, network Driver, paint Stripper, palm Pilot, phone Carrier, short haired Pointer, whizz Banger
Johnny Mash, Jun 20 2002

       Deputy Prime Minister   

       Space Traffic Controller   

       Train Spotter   

       Traffic Cone Herd
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002

       is that one job title? <later, "spoilsport">
po, Jun 20 2002

Comedic Consultant
Keeper of the Fruitcake
Type-O personality
Guide to the Shortsighted (gets a parking permit)
reensure, Jun 20 2002

[ sctld ], Jun 20 2002

       //but fake professions//   

       for someone who calls his elf a farmer, you should know that there are still professional "crop dusters"....saw one of the mini choppers doing the job over some soybeans last year....
runforrestrun, Jun 20 2002

       Old one:   

       "Government Artist"   

       (Draws the dole)   

       Runforrestrun: What is this about elf farming ? Is that legal where you live ? I have always wanted an elf since I read the Harry Potter books ...
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002

       8-7, do a 'bakery search on elf (52 hits), elves (20 hits), elfs (only 4 hits including this one) ....and bring your elf up to speed....   

       there were more....but bliss keeps deleting her elf....
runforrestrun, Jun 20 2002

       Stationary itinerant
stupop, Jun 20 2002

       Self-directed charity collector
polartomato, Jun 20 2002

Charitable Organization CEO.
Watch out for bliss's elf. He's a nasty bugger.
RayfordSteele, Jun 20 2002

       "Freelance Bum."-Riff, creation of Pete Abrams.
nick_n_uit, Jun 20 2002


       mobile homemaker
polartomato, Jun 20 2002

       Blissmiss: sorry, but I think you're taking the p1ss with that one .....   

       <Groans from assembled multitude. Volley of rotten fruit and vegetables. Exit stage left>
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002

       p1ss, now thats one registration plate, I would love.
po, Jun 20 2002

       Courtesy of Pen15 license plate co.
polartomato, Jun 20 2002

       'Local correspondent for an internationally popular web site' does the trick for me.
DrBob, Jun 20 2002

       I cannot believe no one has yet suggested:

       (though of course DrBob gets credit for the same thought, expressed more creatively)
beauxeault, Jun 20 2002

       I just did, in a sidewise fashion.
DrBob, Jun 20 2002

       Student (shaddapa, my face)
calum, Jun 20 2002

       Fridge Poetry Arranger
Retired Librarian*
Disabled Volleyball Captain
Associate Conspiracy Theorist
Pineapple Hoarder
Daytime TV Quality Control Analyst
Freelance Private Investigator
Love Girl**
Witch, Good Division, HellRaisers Inc.
White House Intern-In-Exile

       * I am in fact a retired librarian, having worked in the same crappy suburban library throughout high school and college (had to pay my own way). I left the job after eight years, to attend grad school.   

       ** Name (and occupation) assigned by my fiance's six-year-old daughter, after she promoted me from the position of "Girlfriend". Nice work if you can get it.
1percent, Jun 21 2002

LoriZ, Jun 21 2002

       Atmospheric Recirculation Specialist
waugsqueke, Jun 22 2002

       Banana bender   

       Nuclear reactor   

       Helter Skelter
Gwenanda, Jun 22 2002

       I'm amazed that no one has mentioned simply:   


       Each of my friends and I have spent time as a "consultant" at some point in the past few years. Sometimes for months on end.
lpicador, Jun 22 2002

       corporate whore
yama2, Jun 23 2002

       egg timer
yama2, Jun 23 2002

       VIPer, strawberry runner, Country digger, saltshaker, space heater, pepper, woodpecker, Big Dipper, scorcher, horsepower, doodad, cuppa, cancer, tearjerker, teabag, mutter, Pisa tower, European soccer, Lord’s Prayer and in another vein: static electrician, e-mailman, couch potato peeler, plastic nurse, high healer
FarmerJohn, Jun 23 2002

       I've always wanted to be a sinecurist..
yama2, Jun 23 2002

       Self-employed butler
Pillar of Society
stupop, Jun 24 2002

Park attendant
Food taster
Waste disposer
-alx, Jun 24 2002

       Tack "QA Specialist" at the end of pretty much anything and you've got a gem:   

       Sidewalk QA Specialist
Want Ads QA Specialist
Weather Forecast QA Specialist
Pigeon Feeding QA Specialist
MrWrong, Jun 24 2002

rbl, Jun 24 2002

po, Jun 24 2002

       mechanical probability analyst/statistician (aka gambler)   

       english major (as the tomato ducks for cover)   

       fermented grain analyst   

       multiple movie screener   

       link detective
polartomato, Jun 24 2002

       A minor
Drum Major
[ sctld ], Jun 24 2002

       I had a mis-spent summer during college in my own private Idaho during which I was alternately a Cat Driver, a Stick Man, a Pond Monkey, a Choke Setter and a Faller. I've only ever made out one formal resume, but you can be sure that all of these were listed, just for their conversational value. (As it happens, I did get paid for all of the former experiences, but I would have done them for free just for the story rights.)
jurist, Jun 25 2002

       Chick Sexer
waugsqueke, Jun 25 2002

       Corner, Chatter, Halter, Half sister, Meter, Jabber, Tom Sawyer, Jetliner, Titter, Dicker, Freezer, Render, Primer
FarmerJohn, Jun 25 2002

       Mattress tester
claw sharpener
meeting attendant
line follower
pickle beater (where do you think they get those bumps?)

threeoutside, Jun 25 2002

       Welfare Systems Analyst
aaronhill, Jun 26 2002

       Method Actor
waugsqueke, Jun 26 2002

       Cherry Picker
Loud Speaker
sappho, Jun 26 2002

       Brazil nut
One for the road
FarmerJohn, Jul 13 2002

       Source (as in, "sources say")
Carbon Dioxide Production Specialist (works closely with waug's Atmospheric Recirculation team)
hob, Jul 15 2002

my face your, Jan 11 2003

Mr Phase, Oct 05 2005

Reciprocal Supervisor
Personal Sommelier
Ham Spangling Clam Dangler
List Writer
zen_tom, Oct 05 2005

       Halbakery list entropy inspector
coprocephalous, Oct 05 2005

       Prolific Father
vedarshi, Oct 05 2005

keynesian economist
registered voter
schmendrick, Oct 05 2005

       Caloric Conversion Specialist...hmm...tastes great!   

       Furniture Ballast Coordinator...yep, this couch ain't going nowhere!   

       Air Asthetics Analyst...hmm...smells great!   

       Stage 1 Methane Engineer...okay, doesn't smell so great ;)
Chrome, Oct 05 2005

       Great set of titles you got there. heh heh snort slap.
bungston, Oct 05 2005

       I can't believe nobody has suggested:   

       Master Baiter
Mrlemonjelly, Nov 29 2005

       12-inch pianist?
sleeka, Nov 29 2005

       I like sock drawer. I can draw socks, if pressed.
XSarenkaX, Aug 18 2006

       palm reader   

       lie detector   

       egg beater   

       toll house cookie collector
xandram, Aug 18 2006

       Oxygen to Carbon Dioxide converter
Dub, Aug 19 2006

       List editor   

       I like to explain gaps in my employment history by explaining that I took time off to establish myself as a porn star.
normzone, Aug 19 2006

       English Major
jhomrighaus, Aug 19 2006

       Prophylactic test pilot.
Ling, Aug 20 2006

       Fund Raiser   

       Accountant for Charitable Causes.   

       Survival Guide   

       Advertisement sign test marketer.   

       Machiavellian Robin Hood.
Zimmy, Aug 20 2006

       Drive-thru ATM braille installer.
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 20 2006

       Prince of darkness
benindubai, Aug 20 2006

       dongle adjitator
vincent88, Aug 21 2006

       Nut Licker   

       Rump Roaster   

       Mango Picker   

       Snake Catcher
proee, Feb 06 2007

       Quixtar IBO
quantum_flux, Feb 06 2007

       Show a little marxist class, and admit to being Commander in Chief of your local industrial reserve army.
ye_river_xiv, Jan 04 2009

       I'm here today on one of FarmerJohn's most loved ideas for a reason. And I couldn't be more pleased to be the trustee of the Halfbakery's Priceless Collection, soon to be released.   

       There are many more details to come, but John has a beautiful, kind, and oh-so-generous sister, whom he left behind, and who goes by the lovely name, Cathy. Cathy has talked with Cathy, and Cathy has agreed to Cathy's terms, sooo...   

       Cathy/Cathy will be donating some of John's original art and writings to the Bakery, to be decided at a later time. BTW, If the Smithsonian calls you, don't fall for it. Cathy specifically turned down their offer of 20 million to grant these priceless treasures, instead, to the Museum he most loved, home to his favorite psychopaths and animal abusers, us, also known as;   

       The Halfbakery.   

       There is an existing Facebook page for the bakery, so if you aren't already a member...what the hell is the matter with you? Xtine has been to everyone's house with a personal invitation, right??? Anyway, you are smart, find your way there since I've forgotten the link.   

       I am deeply grateful to the other Kathy for trusting us with John's work, his words, and his priceless art. Makes me tear up so, Kathy, we will send you a thank you gift made out of some sort of cool thingy magic soon.
blissmiss, Oct 21 2023

       Thank you for letting us know.
pertinax, Oct 22 2023

       //if you aren't already a member...what the hell is the matter with you? //   

       Not for love or money will I surrender my privacy to the cesspit known as Facebook. Sorry.
Voice, Oct 22 2023

       I understand your viewpoint, but I like to walk through dangerous neighborhoods sometimes ... found the group and applied for an invitation.
normzone, Oct 23 2023

       // Not for love or money will I surrender my privacy //   

       You have zero privacy anyway. Get over it.
—Scott McNealy, Jan 25 1999

a1, Oct 23 2023

       What A1Said.   

       And for Voice, that's an optional activity that one could pursue for those who might want to, or may have, or maybe will in the future, enjoy messing around with an unfinished idea, and/or illustration oh his, that Cathy is sending me.
blissmiss, Oct 26 2023

       Arrived today, as I was writing. Treasure Chest of a long-ago bakery at its best. Just started going through.
blissmiss, Oct 26 2023

       // Not for love or money will I surrender my privacy... //   

       You could always log in under a pseudonym and whisper to us, "Hey, guys, it's me. Shh don't tell anyone."
whatrock, Oct 27 2023

       I too might need to find this Facebook group…
hippo, Oct 28 2023

       Maybe I'll get around to buying a burner phone for that purpose.
Voice, Oct 28 2023

       Stochastic Futurologist. (As per link).
pertinax, Oct 30 2023

       Voice, the first time I've laughed out loud in a week. I'm sorry I haven't made too much movement in getting these organized so I can release maybe one or two a week, on the other site, just so we can remember the brilliance that he was. Or maybe it might give some people ideas again that seem good enough to post here. If I dumped them all at once you would be where I am now, a bit overwhelmed, but in a good way. If I needed some diversion this is a great sort of project to divert to. From you know, the scariest shit since I've even known any of you. Unless it was a past lifetime and that doesn't count.
blissmiss, Nov 01 2023


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