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Jowl Relaxant

Especially for those awful side effects of teen stress.
  [vote for,

Grind your teeth until your gums bleed? Get headaches from repeatedly clenching your jaw? Many a teen has suffered such a problem, likely caused by emotional stress, peer pressure and/or a heavy homework load.

Jowl Relaxant can make your day a more pleasing one. With the fast- activeness of cars smashing a face, your entire jaw will be numb for hours. No more clenching, no more grinding, no more chewing, no more talking, no more smiling and no more giving oral sex.

You're social status will sky-rocket as all of your peers realize your true slick wit and linguistic ability. No friend will turn away your dehiscent, yawing maw. No woman will escape your glowering open-mouthed grin/ gape. No store owner will resist hiring your droolingly dashing countenance.

Jowl Relaxant would be available over-the-counter.

Mags, Apr 27 2003

Targeted Medicine http://www.usnews.c.../030120/20drugs.htm
Although it doesn't exactly exist now, at least it's not unthinkable. [Mags, Oct 21 2004]


       Are you thinking as a topical ointment, or pill?   

       Teens have already found a natural herbal remedy for this problem. Unfortunately, it's not exactly legal in most of the world.   

       I'm thinking your social status as a drooling, word-slurring outcast might not be as rosy as you predict.
Cedar Park, Apr 27 2003

       Also comes in larger doses for parents of teens.
RayfordSteele, Apr 27 2003

       Jowl Relaxant would most likely be a pill or other consumable dosage form and, unlike marijuana, would not impair your driving skills, perception, or destroy brains.   

       Anyone that outcasts you for having a loose jaw is a terribly shallow person.
Mags, Apr 27 2003

       How exactly would you create a muscle relaxant pill that would specifically target your jaw? Sounds quite WIBNI to me.
Cedar Park, Apr 27 2003

       Mags, I think this must be baked, because all of the would-be suitors caterwauling and crawling on the front stoop look just like that.
I just tell them my daughters are forbidden to have sex with cretins and they slink away.
But if you'd like, I can ask them next time what drugs they're taking.
roby, Apr 27 2003

       Botox. baked.
johnmeacham, Apr 27 2003

       [Mags]: The link you provided talks about targeted medicine based upon some unique chemistry of the targeted cells. Unless there is something special about jaw muscles, I still don't see how a pill is going to target them.
Cedar Park, Apr 27 2003

       Marijuana? I thought you were talking about masturbation, [CP].   

       Why is this targeted at teens? I grind my teeth like crazy in my sleep, according to my dentist, and I'm nowhere near teenage.
snarfyguy, Apr 27 2003

       <ob>you sleep with your dentist?</ob>
po, Apr 27 2003

       Holy crap, you're annoying. But thankfully, easily ignored.
waugsqueke, Apr 27 2003

       I did not mean to start an argument, I understand that medicines like this don't exists- But, it can't be that far off.   

       I'm very sorry I did not explain everything about my speculative product, Cedar Park, I will try to cover every viewpoint in the future.
Mags, Apr 27 2003

       [snarf]: Since when was masturbation herbal? Why am I always the last person to learn about these things ?!?!   

       [Mags]: I don't want you to think that I'm requiring you to think of _every_ possible angle. The idea, however, should hold up to scrutiny by someone who has no medical training.
Cedar Park, Apr 27 2003

       I liked it so much that I've set up a small lab in my basement to trying to create a similar product. Maybe one day I'll be successful and manage to get rich off an idea that I had simply gazed upon on the HalfBakery.   

       I love it.
James Sammo, May 03 2003

       Howzabout *Long Island Lockjaw*? (named for the way it's speakers keep their teeth together when they speak) - Kinda like Thurston Howell III
thumbwax, May 03 2003


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