Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Make mine a double.

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Hitman on Prescription

Cheaper in the long run.
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
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Doctors are frequently asked to treat a patient's stress, anxiety and depression.

Usually, they prescribe medication, a talking therapy, or refer to a psychiatrist.

But they usually can't do anything to address the underlying cause, even if it can be clearly identified. Often, the cause is a specific individual.

BorgCo are now piloting a new scheme to get round this. When a patient presents with appropriate symptoms, if the medic can identify a specific individual (for instance, an unbearable mother-in-law, or that worthless mouth-breathing slimeball Graham from Shipping and Despatch), they can request a full investigation.

Then, if it turns out that Graham from Shipping and Despatch really is a worthless mouth-breathing slimeball, and what's more would rob the pennies off a dead man's eyes, has the personality of a squashed dog turd, and is consuming oxygen that could be better used by a child molester, the doctor can instruct the hitman attached to the local HMO to quietly and painlessly remove the offender.

Everybody wins. The patient's problem is solved quickly and permanently, and there's one less repulsive mouth-breathing dolt wandering free to annoy everyone they meet.

8th of 7, Jul 19 2015

Nikolaj Arzhak (Wikipedia) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuli_Daniel
[Toto Anders, Jul 19 2015]


       Nikolay Arzhak in his "This is Moscow Speaking" tells about a similar scheme in full-blown communism where on a certain day everyone is entitled to commit a murder - because the communist population is mature enough to decide for themselves who should bite the bullet. No prescription needed.
Toto Anders, Jul 19 2015

       Hey! Graham from Shipping is really a nice guy. He has problems with his adenoids. But in his spare time he runs a rescue centre for abandoned gerbils.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 19 2015

       ... and with that, the case against Graham from Shipping was proven.
8th of 7, Jul 19 2015

       Deplorable. [+]
Voice, Jul 19 2015


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