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In-Mall Puppy Massage

Dogs are nice.
  (+17, -3)(+17, -3)
(+17, -3)
  [vote for,

Now we've all seen those awesome aqua-massage machines in the mall before, right? You pay for a few minutes while strangers watch the water jets inside give you the world's most horrible wedgie ever.

Now, I'm sure its a pretty good massage, but what about insted of water, have puppies run and frolic all over your dorsal side.

Introducing the In-mall Puppy Massage! For a few measly bucks, you can pick puppies of varying weight and breed run all over your back, giving you a loving, puppy-rich massage. Pick a few heavy ones, or pick a lot of lazy fat ones to apply pressure to those knots in your lumbar area you got from that damn road trip with the kids and the in-laws last week.

The actual device consists of a padded, ergonomic massage table to lie on face down, while the upper puppy hopper clamps down on top of you. Inside the top "hopper" portion between your freshly cleaned clothes lies a flexible, rugged nylon or similar rubberized barrier as not to soil your clothes with cute puppy refuse or hair. Attendants place your selected breed/size/quantity of puppy in the top with a few toys and let them romp around on top of you.

All proceeds go directly to your local SPCA, or animal shelter that's been kind enough to volunteer the pups. REALLY like the massage? Heck, take home 'ol Spot and give him a loving home to show him just how good a job he really did.

Letsbuildafort, Apr 11 2006

Aqua Massage http://www.aquamass...com/PR_overview.htm
(Similar Device) [Letsbuildafort, Apr 11 2006]

Inspiration (But With Cats) Office_20cats
Anno posted by [Saveloy] [Letsbuildafort, Apr 11 2006]

Puppymania Puppymania
Apparently baked in Japan, which I think is all that needs to be said. [DocBrown, Apr 11 2006]


       Halfbakery law #894673 : Obligatory pastry for "wedgie"
Fishrat, Apr 11 2006

       We had something a little like this before, way in the distant past (see link). Is puppy fetishism the new piracy/custard?
DocBrown, Apr 11 2006

       Wow - back on '02. Long long ago in the bakery, servers servers away. Good call on that, Doc.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 11 2006

       Puppies and Wedgies! Bun!
Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 11 2006

       "insted of water, have puppies run and frolic"
Of course, there's a better than fair chance that you'd wind up with both puppies and liquid in this thing.
half, Apr 11 2006

       Dang. I love this. I'd pay a good few bucks for a puppy massage, which would probably make me giggle like a child, and mucho extra points for the humane fundraising aspect. Bake this and call 20/20 or someone, please? [+]
nth, Apr 11 2006

       I don't think they would be heavy enough to do much. You might want full-grown dogs or very large puppies. But I'm sure people would pay for this no matter what you did.
discontinuuity, Apr 12 2006

       Thats what the rubberized mat is for, [half]. Keeps liquids, hair and those sometimes sharp puppy nails from ruining your clothes.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 12 2006

       I would definitely pay money for this, especially if the money went to fostering programs for unwanted pets.   

       I love puppy breath. Or is that just weird? Was that an over-share?
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Apr 12 2006

       If weight is an issue, strap a few diving weights to each one, or switch to ponies.   

       Oh, and NTSS is right about puppy breath. Perhaps dog milk is actually quite tasty.
Worldgineer, Apr 12 2006

       Given all of the stupid things that people spend money on for their pets, this is an excellent idea.
Jscotty, Apr 13 2006

       Considering the fact that one or two puppies at full on play is enough to exhaust me -- five minutes of this would be like a few drinks and good news.
reensure, Apr 13 2006

       Oh, please can I just stick my head in and let them eat my hair and lick my ears? [+]
daseva, Apr 13 2006

       I just had to say "HA!" to [bigsleep]
sophocles, Apr 13 2006


       OK / enough.
sophocles, Apr 14 2006

Letsbuildafort, Apr 14 2006

       Ummm, No!! I caaan't be only person in the world to dislike dogs!! Actually, no, sorry, that's a lie, what I reaaaally hate is dog owners, who, for all their loving devotion to their beautiful hound, absolutely cannot comprehend that someone else might not actually love their dog quite as much as they do, and, in fact, actually quite dislike having the horrible thing jumping all over them, with it's nasty wet nose, slobbering jowels, and, of course, that awful awful breath! "Hohoho", they laugh at the silly dog's quirky antics, and your alarmed face, as the enormous, grunting thing tries to floor you, "Don't worry; he's only a puppy!", as 'the puppy' goes for your neck.   

       These people must not be encouraged. [-]
daaisy, Apr 14 2006

       It's been a long time since I've been around a puppy. Don't they have sharp little claws? I guess you could put those rubber claw covers on though.
Zimmy, Apr 14 2006

       "Hohoho, deep cuts all across your shoulders, Sir? Hohoho, but he's only a puppy!"
daaisy, Apr 14 2006

       [daaisy] Who said this is a _mandatory_ massage? Geesh. If you hate dogs, then you should love this idea, as many will be culled once they are no longer cute puppies, and you never have to get a massage.   

       Oh, and "massage through a rubber blanket" would be no massage at all. Fun like a full body condom, not. I'm still not giving the dog a [fish]bone, though.
sophocles, Apr 14 2006

       Ok, I realise that I personally don't have to pay to have a dog run over me if I don't want, but i think my point is that dog lovers should not be encouraged in their belief that dogs are wonderful, cute, nuzzly things that the whole world with-out-exception loves. Gah, doggy people, I'm getting angry just thinking about them, and their cars with the hairy blanket on the back seat, and their pockets full of beef-bicuits, and the ' I'm a good doggy' rosettes hanging in the kitchen ...I think I need a massage...
daaisy, Apr 14 2006

       [daaisy] I'm not a dog lover, per se, either (can never seem to finish a whole one), but I've never seen a dog post a mean HB anno. Just saying.
sophocles, Apr 15 2006

       Dearest [daaisy],   

       You are wrong.   

NotTheSharpestSpoon, Apr 15 2006

       Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer do!
I'm half crazy,
All for the love of you!
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle made for two.

       Dave? Dave?, I'm not feeling right. Dave?
Zimmy, Apr 15 2006

       For a moment I read the title as "In Mail Puppy Massage" and was all ready for you to explain the logistics of shipping puppy masseuses across the world.
Acme, Apr 15 2006

       Puppies: Check   

       Bun: Check
sartep, Apr 16 2006

       Oi! - thanks, sarty. Nice to know folks still like to keep it basic around here.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 16 2006

       good idea i kno lots of hott girls that would deffinatly go for it an ive had cats walk on my back while in bed n it doesnt feel to bad so seems like it would work
gilbertthegreat, Apr 17 2006

       What language is that?
Worldgineer, Apr 17 2006


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