Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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At this low low price, it's a snap!
  [vote for,

The typical job description for a torturer runs as follows:

Underling Required:

* Are you strong and of a menacing, somewhat brutish demeanour? * Do you laugh in the face of your victims' pleas for mercy? * Is your sense of morality hideously warped? * Do you enjoy the sounds of snapping bones and piteous screams? * Would you like all the gruel you can eat?

Then apply for the job of Head Torturer at the Castle of Terror today!

Sadly, some individuals meet all the above requirements, and would be well-suited to the role of torturer, but miss out because of their inability to perform one small but essential part of the job: they're no good at cracking their knuckles.

Every good torturer should be able to crack his or her knuckles in an intimidating manner. It's the traditional signal for 'the torture is about to begin', and it helps get everyone involved into a suitably bone-snapping, finger-breaking frame of mind.

Well, don't let the lack of crackable knuckles hold you back any longer! If you're keen to be a torturer, Imaginality's Inquisitionary Equipment Inc. can retrofit your dungeon for you.

Simply step onto the marked flagstone and your weight will trigger the clockwork mechanisms under the floor. As you press your fingers together, the machinery produces superbly dramatic, scarily loud cracking sounds. You'll sound like the meanest, grittiest-fingered torturer around.

So don't delay - pay to have our Knuckle-Crackerer installed today. As our slogan goes, "We'll make two things crack for sure - your knuckles and your victim!"

"When you've a victim on the rack
Make sure your fingers crack
With our Knuckle-Crack-er-er!"

imaginality, Jun 04 2007

Cracking Joints http://en.wikipedia...iki/Cracking_joints
The hows and whys of knuckle-cracking [imaginality, Jun 04 2007]


       You crack me up [Imaginality].
How can you reconcile "Underling" and "Head Torturer"? Is it the torturer in charge of all torturers or is it the torturer specialising in root canal treatments?
methinksnot, Jun 04 2007

       Cheers, [methinksnot], glad to amuse you. To answer your question: the Head Torturer is an underling of the Evil Genius/Chief Inquisitor/Mad Monarch. Pulling out teeth is indeed a function of his role, but not an defining one.   

       Lesser torturers are underlings of the Head Torturer - underunderlings, if you like. And it's believed that a certain well-known piece of classical music was conceived when the composer first heard the catchy term for the servants who clean the dungeon rooms used by the lesser torturers -
the underunderunderlings.
imaginality, Jun 05 2007

       By your notation, would the really good ones be "wunderlings"?
methinksnot, Jun 05 2007

       It's finger click'n good.   


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