The typical job description for a torturer runs as follows:
* Are you strong and of a menacing, somewhat brutish demeanour?
* Do you laugh in the face of your victims' pleas for mercy?
* Is your sense of morality hideously warped?
* Do you enjoy the sounds of snapping
bones and piteous screams?
* Would you like all the gruel you can eat?
Then apply for the job of Head Torturer at the Castle of Terror today!
Sadly, some individuals meet all the above requirements, and would be well-suited to the role of torturer, but miss out because of their inability to perform one small but essential part of the job: they're no good at cracking their knuckles.
Every good torturer should be able to crack his or her knuckles in an intimidating manner. It's the traditional signal for 'the torture is about to begin', and it helps get everyone involved into a suitably bone-snapping, finger-breaking frame of mind.
Well, don't let the lack of crackable knuckles hold you back any longer! If you're keen to be a torturer, Imaginality's Inquisitionary Equipment Inc. can retrofit your dungeon for you.
Simply step onto the marked flagstone and your weight will trigger the clockwork mechanisms under the floor. As you press your fingers together, the machinery produces superbly dramatic, scarily loud cracking sounds. You'll sound like the meanest, grittiest-fingered torturer around.
So don't delay - pay to have our Knuckle-Crackerer installed today. As our slogan goes, "We'll make two things crack for sure - your knuckles and your victim!"
"When you've a victim on the rack
Make sure your fingers crack
With our Knuckle-Crack-er-er!"