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aka Flood Heels
  (+2, -6)
(+2, -6)
  [vote for,

High heels are de rigueur for many women regardless of circumstances, but are totally unsuitable feetware when the flood waters rise. Instead, what is needed for these occasions are a pair of L'eauboutins (Milania take note)

L'eauboutins (aka Flood Heels) are simply a pair of shoes with really, really tall stiletto heels. The front part of the shoes are not so tall, as they function as flotation tanks.

Walking in L'eauboutins requires a lot of practice, but as extreme weather is set to be the norm for many places, there will be plenty of opportunity for the fashion conscientious flood survivor learn how to strut around elegantly, well clear of the murky waters.

note - updated name courtesy of Christian Louboutin

xenzag, Aug 30 2017

Galoshes for heels http://www.pysis.com/
[theircompetitor, Aug 30 2017]

High-heeled flippers http://dailynewsdig...rs-high-tide-heels/
If things get too deep, try these on for size. [Zeuxis, Aug 31 2017]

http://aands.org/ra...ictorial/extant.php When waters were high in Venice..... [xenzag, Sep 01 2017]


       // High heels are de rigueur for many women regardless of circumstances, but are totally unsuitable feetware when the flood waters rise //   

       You say that like it's in some way a bad thing ... let 'em drown. Darwin Footwear, instant karma for those stupid enough to prize appearance over functionality.   

       Presumably wearing an impractical ,flimsy pocket-free garment costing more than a major power tool, they'll be dragged smartly beneath the surface by their huge, overloaded handbags. And good riddance to them.   

       [-] for promoting the survival of the vain, shallow and terminally stupid.
8th of 7, Aug 30 2017

       I guess I better delete it then if you hate women in high heels so much. Many of my female friends adore their heels and they certainly interest me greatly. As for them being vain, shallow and terminally stupid..... I prefer all of that to the sensible opposites to which you clearly align yourself.
xenzag, Aug 30 2017

       Take no notice, [xen], and wear your high heels with pride.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 30 2017

       How did you and 8th of 7 pry each other apart? That coal bag was very secure.
xenzag, Aug 30 2017

       Used the carborundum soap to put an edge on the spatula ... cut our way out. Had to, things got a bit desperate after the marmite ran out ...   

       // if you hate women in high heels //   

       We consider high heels foolish for anyone, male or female, unless intended for comic effect. Women wear skirts; men wear kilts. Comfortable and practical, why not ? Everyone should be entitled to dress how they please - no problem. Just apply a little bit of common sense.   

       // Many of my female friends //   

       Many ? I.e. "both" ?   

       Is one of them your mother ?   

       // adore their heels and they certainly interest me greatly. //   

       Can't walk far ... can't walk at all on soft surfaces..can't run, can't drive, hurt the feet & ankles,notorious for causing sprains...great idea.   

       // As for them being vain, shallow and terminally stupid..... I prefer all of that to the sensible opposites to which you clearly align yourself. //   

       And with that self-incriminating admission, the case for the prosecution rests.   

       Hair, makeup, jewellery, fashion, nails, shoes - they're all a form of sexual display - TO OTHER WOMEN. Not to men. Men hardly register any such details, it's all about "I am a better/higher ranking /more attractive female than you". Fine for the occasional night out, but when it spills over into the real world it's potentially dangerous.
8th of 7, Aug 30 2017

       How could bear to be apart from your beloved? Max has started drinking his stash of Agent Orange again. It's not good. I feel it's my duty to restore your romance. I have another coal bag ready, and this time there are blond wigs to wear, styled just the way you like them, pre soaked in sherbet. This time you must bring your own marmite. I can't be expected to do everything for you two.
xenzag, Aug 30 2017

       My mother-in-law stress-fractured her foot by wearing heels. So I'm forever grateful for that.
RayfordSteele, Aug 30 2017

       [xen], I've still got a little Agent Orange left, if you want to address your armpit hair problem.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 31 2017

       Once Mrs Max finds out about you and 8th of 7, you'll be needing every drop of that Monsanto juice yourself. I have my beautiful fashion students to groom my armpits.
xenzag, Aug 31 2017

       [8th] is like a brother to me, though I haven't yet tried to have him committed, shot or deported as many times.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 31 2017

       Incest! Very brave to confess to that. Are the children all floating around in jars of oily liquid with heavy rubber stoppers to keep them from getting out and causing havoc?
xenzag, Aug 31 2017

       The tops are wired down, like champagne corks.   

       Opening one would certainly make any event memorable ... think Chestburster" ...   

       // I haven't yet tried to have him committed, shot or deported as many times. //   

       While that is admittedly corrrect, it is - as usual - a classic example of [MB] being economical with the facts.   

       Committal requires the signatures of two practicing physicians. It does not happen if one "doctor "is not a physician but a D.D.,and has left the credit card charge slip for $103.45 ($79.99 plus sales tax and shipping) stapled to the Diploma, and the other "doctor " has a half-size stethoscope in blue and white plastic round his neck, a jam thermometer in the breast pocket of his white-ish coat, and a folded sheet of brightly-printed card reading "JUNIOR DOCTOR PLAY-SET, AGES 5 TO 10 YEARS" in his hand. The fact that his ID badge clearly had the words "Library Card" scribbled out and "DOTCOR" written in with a black felt tip didn't help.   

       The fact that we have avoided being shot thus far is more a function of fast reflexes and continuing good luck than anything else, although we do accept that the vast majority of projectiles are not actually aimed at us.   

       Standing at the open front door in your bedroom slippers and wee-willie-winkie nightcap, pointing out into the rain-lashed howling darkness and shouting "GET OUT, AND DON'T COME BACK !!" is no way to treat a guest, simply because they have committed a very minor social faux-pas; and it doesn't count as deportation.
8th of 7, Aug 31 2017

       Who's eyes do they have? Or do they even have eyes? Perhaps some crude type of tentacle with a knob on the end that senses light and dark. (I bet they get that from Max)
xenzag, Aug 31 2017

       Part Mugwai, part baby Chinchilla, part Cthulhu ...
8th of 7, Aug 31 2017

       You've been liberal with your seed. Does Max know about these other partners?
xenzag, Aug 31 2017

       He did the gene-splicing ...   

       He wanted to include some DNA from life-forms originating in Central Asia, but we said that would be a Steppe too far ...
8th of 7, Aug 31 2017

       Come on... what you really mean is that he split his jeans.
xenzag, Aug 31 2017

       Anyway ...   

       Back in the idea, we've got ... fashion stilts, plus buoyancy aids?   

       I'm not sure whether the wearer is supposed to make like a very small catamaran, or a very small oil rig. Ooh, wait, I see; it's a kind of gondolierery, or punting: the tips of the stiletto heels engage with the drowned ground to provide propulsion. This will require variable retraction from one pace to the next, which will be almost impossible, but not quite. Very half-baked! [+]
pertinax, Sep 01 2017

       // misogynistic rant //   

       Aw, Ref ! Unfair !   

       We have made it very clear that our view is definitely not misogynistic on this matter; misanthropic maybe, but misogynistic, no.   

       // My female friends love their high heels. //   

       But why ... ?   

       // They are well used to balancing on vertiginous footware. //   

       Again, why ... ?   

       // Several work as models //   

       Miss step, twist ankle, fall off catwalk ... health and safety at work, anyone ?   

       // and I see no reason why a bit of flood water should impede their enjoyment of stepping out and about. //   

       Shoes with tall "platform" soles that maintain the ankle joint at a natural, unstressed angle would make sense in such circumstances.
8th of 7, Sep 01 2017

       Why do you think I meant you? Ha - I accidentally deleted it anyway. (Meant to edit one word)
xenzag, Sep 01 2017

       <Travis Bickle>   

       "Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here."   

       </Travis Bickle>
8th of 7, Sep 01 2017

       ... or I suppose we could think of them as ninja boat shoes with unusual rudders?
pertinax, Sep 01 2017

       "In such a harsh environment the rare, shy 'on-topic anno' barely survives. Here we can see a nest, but the annotation's chances of finding a mate in the present climate seem slim." </attenborough>.
pertinax, Sep 01 2017

       What I had said was: that in a sea of negative comments you were one of the very few to have actually understood the true essence of the idea, and not engaged in a misogynistic rant. Many of my female friends, some of whom are models, are well used to strutting on catwalks wearing vertiginous heels. Why should they be denied this experience by a bit of flood water? I know it's a daft idea..... this is why it's here :-) (check last link for historical version) 8th of 7 then took ownership of his remarks, despite not being identified by me. ie I smoked him out - ha
xenzag, Sep 01 2017

       Aesthetically, high heels work quite well for females (and those who aspire to be female) within a very limited environmental range.   

       And not at all for males (and those who etc) which aesthete is "large and dangerous" - the increase in "large" is offset by the obvious decrease in "dangerous".
FlyingToaster, Sep 01 2017


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