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Laser Potty

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Disproof of the theory of intelligent design can be found in the fact that humans develop the ability to walk roughly contemporaneously with the optimum period for potty training.

This means that your toddler will be doing his or her thing, rampaging from the get-go each morning, leaving at least one carpet-covering superstrate (cups, balls, dollies, books, tissues, half-chewed breadsticks, DVD cases, straws and a great many unidentifiable bits of things) in their wibbly wobbly wake and then toddler will say, casually, almost to herself

"weewee"

sending you scrambling panicked across the house, tripping and skiting on the clutter, unable to find the plastic potty within the four second window from utterance to fill of pants.

So, the Laser Potty: it's a normal potty, except that the rear houses an upwards-pointing laser light, allowing for a quick glance at your pleasingly tidy ceiling and almost immediate location of the potty, giving you time to dive across the room, potty in hand, in the manner of a galloping rugby winger, sliding the potty in place.

calum, Jun 28 2011

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       I knew those baseball dive reflexes would come in handy, someday.   

       You could always attach a clap-based key-locater to it.
RayfordSteele, Jun 28 2011
  

       When we, the species, learned to toddle it bid not matter where we went, because there was an army of dung beetles just waiting for the opportunity.
The kid will learn to use the toilet anyway. In the mean time easy clean surfaces are essential around kids.
j paul, Jun 30 2011
  

       So, what you're saying is that I need to floor my house in plastic sheeting and import a shitload of dung beetles? Cool, I'll get onto it.
calum, Jun 30 2011
  

       with frickin' LASERs on their heads!
methinksnot, Jul 01 2011
  

       //on their heads!// Might as well put a (different coloured) laser on the baby's head while you are at it.
spidermother, Jul 01 2011
  

       If the //carpet-covering superstrate// manages to cover the potty also, the laser will need to be powerful enough to burn a small hole through the //carpet-covering superstrate//, so you can see the spot on the ceiling, which will (of course) rapidly become a hole in your ceiling...
neutrinos_shadow, Jul 01 2011
  

       We did the initial phase for my twins out in the back yard. It was a bit like this. They responded very well to praise. My mother did much better by rewarding with M&M's, though.
Zimmy, Jul 01 2011
  

       As stated, mount lasers on both potty and child, projecting not dots but circles onto ceiling. When perfect figure '8' is formed, opimum potty conditions are acheived!   

       (borrowed tech from WWII skip-bombing dambusters. Have now sufficiently linked mid-century explosive charge delivery system to early-life homo sapiens bowel fuctions to justify use of humorous superlative: "BOMBS AWAY!")
Alterother, Jul 01 2011
  

       //When perfect figure '8' is formed, opimum potty conditions are acheived!// Careful! You might raise a child unable to toilet without laser targeting.   

       (That's odd. How is it possible this category doesn't already include laser assist for men who have trouble aiming a stream of pee?)
mouseposture, Jul 02 2011
  

       Is it not going to have to point upwards at all times even if the potty is upside down?   

       Regarding our own approach, it involved being outside a lot in the back yard.
nineteenthly, Jul 02 2011
  
      
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