Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"

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Linear accelerated instant teapot

  [vote for,

OK, so considerable effort has recently been devoted to creating a faster kettle. I've done my best to help but, frankly, it seems as though you're all trying to solve the wrong problem.

I did suggest a boil-and-infuse-on-demand system, but this clearly didn't appeal. So. An alternative suggestion.

The MaxCo Linear Accelerated Instant Teapot (lovingly crafted from the finest materials) consists of:

(1) One neodymium teapot, appropriately magnetized
(2) One Squirt-O-Matic water nozzle assembly (with raincape)
(3) 1km of track
(4) Computer interface and timing card
(5) A two-ounce starter pack of tealeaves.
(6) Protective body armour.

To operate, simply place the tealeaves in the teapot, place the teapot in position at the far end of the track, and return home. Prime the Squirt-O-Matic, press the BREW button, and wait.

After approximately 5 seconds, the teapot will arrive at a speed of 400m/s, to be met by a perfectly-timed, perfectly-aimed slug of water from the Squirt-O-Matic gun. Once you have stopped admiring the impressive noise of the water/teapot collision, you will note that both teapot and water have been brought to a perfect standstill, and that the water is at the perfect temperature for a nice brew.

MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2012


       The word "combustion" springs to mind. As does the word "Not even my under-gardener's errant neice would stoop so low as to be seen drinking Malibu."
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2012

       I know it is implied, but you never specifically mentioned that the combined mass of the teapot (neodymium) and tea leaves should calibrated to the mass and speed of the squirted water. This product should come with graphs and a volume/speed matrix to help the home user.   

       I shall provide the bun. (non-neodymium)
AusCan531, Feb 15 2012

       Sounds too cumbersome to me. I like the smaller teapot concept better.
blissmiss, Feb 15 2012

       I knew a person who always ordered Malibu and milk when out at the pub.
pocmloc, Feb 15 2012

       I also know a person.
zeno, Feb 15 2012

       I a person
Custardguts, Feb 15 2012

AusCan531, Feb 15 2012


       neodymium is brittle.   

       It also seems to suddenly reverse polarity when given a sufficient shock, which I've never quite understood.   

       Your teapot will probably be disposable.
mitxela, Feb 16 2012

       Sounds like Tea-leportation.
AusCan531, Feb 16 2012

       sp. tea leaf potation
pocmloc, Feb 16 2012


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