h a l f b a k e r y
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OK, so considerable effort has recently been devoted to
creating a faster kettle. I've done my best to help but,
frankly, it seems as though you're all trying to solve the
I did suggest a boil-and-infuse-on-demand system, but
clearly didn't appeal. So. An alternative
The MaxCo Linear Accelerated Instant Teapot (lovingly
crafted from the finest materials) consists of:
(1) One neodymium teapot, appropriately
(2) One Squirt-O-Matic water nozzle assembly (with
(3) 1km of track
(4) Computer interface and timing card
(5) A two-ounce starter pack of tealeaves.
(6) Protective body armour.
To operate, simply place the tealeaves in the teapot,
the teapot in position at the far end of the track, and
return home. Prime the Squirt-O-Matic, press the BREW
button, and wait.
After approximately 5 seconds, the teapot will arrive at
speed of 400m/s, to be met by a perfectly-timed,
perfectly-aimed slug of water from the Squirt-O-Matic
Once you have stopped admiring the impressive noise of
the water/teapot collision, you will note that both
and water have been brought to a perfect standstill, and
that the water is at the perfect temperature for a nice
||The word "combustion" springs to mind. As does the
word "Not even my under-gardener's errant neice
would stoop so low as to be seen drinking Malibu."
||I know it is implied, but you never specifically mentioned that the combined mass of the teapot (neodymium) and tea leaves should calibrated to the mass and speed of the squirted water. This product should come with graphs and a volume/speed matrix to help the home user.
||I shall provide the bun. (non-neodymium)
||Sounds too cumbersome to me. I like the smaller
teapot concept better.
||I knew a person who always ordered Malibu and milk when out at the pub.
||It also seems to suddenly reverse polarity when given a sufficient shock, which I've never quite understood.
||Your teapot will probably be disposable.
||Sounds like Tea-leportation.