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Lovers' Lane Proximity Alarm

Preventing protecting your daughter's honor.
  [vote for,

If there is any one thing I've learned through movies, it's that kids making out on Lovers' Lane in <insert town> are doomed to one of two fates:

A) Officer Friendly, on his usual Friday-night patrol, comes across an amorous couple, loads them into his car, and sends them home to their parents, full of shame and interrupted lust.

B) Frank the Psycho, recently broken out of Hilldale Home for the Violent and Gaseous, and posessing a claw for a hand, rips the two young lovers to pieces in his unending quest for internal peace.

Neither scenario, as I see it, is pleasant. I'd pick B if I had to, and you would too if you'd met my girlfriend's mother.

But hark! These both could be prevented with just a simple investment.

Most car alarms have, as part of their package, a basic RADAR system that acts as a proximity sensor. RADAR in and of itself is nothing new - it was in military use before the Pearl Harbor bombing.

Before commencing makeout, our young hero or heroine would press a button on the key fob or the dash. This would shut OFF the shrill external alarm, and instead turn ON an internal alarm (I dub it a Make-Out Alarm for lack of a marketing degree).

If either Officer Friendly or Frank the Psycho approaches the car, the proximity detector would alert the Make-out Alarm, and perform several functions:

- all of the doors would instantly lock.

- all windows would roll up.

- a pleasant "ding!" sound, confined within the cabin, would alert our young folks to someone's presence.

The hormone-driven rugrats could easily get cleaned up, or at least stop kissing and just cuddle a bit.

As an optional add-in (at extra cost, of course), the system could also turn on a pre-cued DVD movie player, with the screen in the center console. This provides a convenient excuse for the protagonists' close contact: "It's a small screen, officer!"

Note: this system would be designed in such a way that it could take advantage of current alarms, and could be installed into any car with a radar system - so Mom and Dad don't need to know that Junior splurged for it, as long as he pays.

shapu, Jun 18 2004

Baked http://www.car-acce...ford-car-alarm.html
Looks like proximity alarms are Baked: they can warn you both about Officer Bob approaching from outside, or Frank the Urban Legend hiding in the back seat. [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       That's an awful lot of typing to discover that proximity alarms for cars are Baked. Sorry.
DrCurry, Jun 18 2004

       I'll restate the idea when I get home to better acknowledge this...I'm aware of the existence of proximity alarms, I'm just positing a new implementation (and some add-ons).
shapu, Jun 18 2004

       I'm with [shapu] on this one. Those proximity sensors are lazy gits, not living up to the potential that shapu describes.   

       The only thing I would add, is to have it relay a signal to the ignition to start the engine to improve you get-away reaction speed. Frank the Psycho does not care about your excuse.
Laughs Last, Jun 18 2004

       Chasity belt anyone?
travbm, Oct 29 2015


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