Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Malevolent Sofa

A couch your MEANT to lose stuff into
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Hate having your friends around for the 'footy, sucking up all your beer and refusing to pay a cent?

Well buy the all new never-to-be-patented Malevolent Sofa!

Constructed with a built-in fully adjustable electromagnet situated at just the right angle to suck almost anything containing metal from any unsuspecting victims pocket, be it loose change or car keys - all to be collected at a later time

Battery so you can hide the power cord, and evil laugh triggered switch sold separately

xxobot, Apr 22 2009

Seemed relevant. http://img.photobuc...lberal/lipcouch.jpg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 22 2009]

exploding couch Exploding_20couch
it doesn't get much more malevolent than this [jaksplat, Apr 22 2009]

Sofa_20Crumb_20Tray how to collect your sofa loot [xenzag, Apr 22 2009]

my couch sucks Self_20cleaning_20couch
[jaksplat, Apr 22 2009]

[link]






       apostrophes: you're, victim's
zen_tom, Apr 22 2009
  

       I hope it has a convenient collection tray to allow you to sort through the things it has stolen at your leisure.
Aristotle, Apr 22 2009
  

       I think I already have one of these.
DrBob, Apr 22 2009
  

       How about scheduled pneumatic prodding from underneath, to induce shifting of weight and further removals.
daseva, Apr 22 2009
  

       it needs peristalsis - oh, didn't we do that one?
po, Apr 22 2009
  

       Coins are magnetic?
normzone, Apr 22 2009
  

       Some are - in the UK some 2p and 1p pieces are made from an alloy which is mostly copper, but the more recent ones are steel (and can be attracted by magnets) with a coating of copper. The reason for the change was the rapidly rising price of copper. Try a selection of UK coins out with a magnet and you'll see.
hippo, Apr 22 2009
  

       2 Fries, Dali would be proud of that, methinks. Though his version would have genitals for spikes and a few dead horses draped over it. The legs would be crutches.
daseva, Apr 22 2009
  

       If I take their keys aren't they going to stay longer, ringing up the locksmith and such and tearing my home apart looking for them? I've also noticed that people who expect you to share your hard earned coin are very unwilling to part with their own and would spend the whole evening looking for their "luck quarter, I think it's in your couch some place and like hell am i leaving without it, got anything for me to eat while I look? "
WcW, Apr 23 2009
  

       you're ok as long as none of your friends use pacemakers
sninctown, Apr 23 2009
  

       //apostrophes: you're, victim's//   

       Are those the corrected versions or the errors, zen_tom?   

       Because I think "you're" is wrong and "victim's" is right.   

       > Hate having your friends around...   

       Correct [in the idea]. "You're" is an abbreviation of "you are", so would be wrong.   

       > ...from any unsuspecting victims pocket,...   

       Incorrect [in the idea]. It is the pocket of the victim, it belongs to them, so it should have a possessive apostrophe. Right?....right?   

       ...of course xxobot may have changed one of the two - perhaps by editing while you were writing your comment
Loris, Apr 23 2009
  

       Hi [Loris] the "you're" I was (still am) referring to is the (missing) one in the summary line below the title - currently: "A couch your MEANT to lose stuff into" - evidently grounds for an apostrophe kicking.   

       There's the whole so-far unmentioned thing about the stranded preposition in that phrase, that might be written: "A couch into which stuff is meant to be lost".
zen_tom, Apr 23 2009
  

       [xxobot] Tut-Tut! You'll have a tough time getting "metal" through the Patent Office   

       [normzone] Some newer British "Coppers" (1p/2p) are, in fact, steel and coloured copper just for effect and are magnetic - Most aren't, though. {Real Copper's too valuable to waste on money}
Dub, Apr 23 2009
  

       Would this not destroy mobile phones, credit cards, watches and other similarly sensitive devices, like pacemakers? I suppose that's what makes it malevolent. I can't see it attracting anything of much use. Keys and coins are not generally ferromagnetic, leaving what for it to collect... the odd safety pin, nail or staple?
xenzag, Apr 23 2009
  

       Amongst other things?! ouch
daseva, Apr 23 2009
  

       [21 Quest] yes, or a Magpie
Dub, Apr 23 2009
  

       Ah I see zen_tom, thanks for the explanation.   

       Somehow I often seem to overlook titles, I don't know why.
Loris, Apr 23 2009
  

       See Loris and zen if you use "yer" then nobody can call you on it. 'postrophe or not.
blissmiss, Apr 24 2009
  

       I Misread it as: Malevolent Soda
popbottle, Jan 14 2017
  
      
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