Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Microwave/laser oven for pizza

  [vote for,

It's a microwave oven that, on the outside, looks pretty similar to any other, except its shape. It's still a rectangular prism, but its cooking chamber is only about 15 cm in height; horizontally, it's a square large enough to comfortably fit a 14" round pizza. (A larger model is available in case you need to cook larger pizzas.) The chamber is rectangular rather than D-shaped so that you can put in rectangular pizzas, not just round ones.

Microwaves are distributed through waveguides in the ceiling and floor, and deflected by stirrers, to ensure even heating, even when cooking a large rectangular pizza (because the turntable has to be disabled in that case).

Hidden in the "no user-serviceable parts inside" part of the machine is not just a magnetron but also a 40 W carbon dioxide laser tube (probably diagonally underneath the cooking chamber, due to its 28" length). The laser beam is conveyed to the cooking chamber and bounced around by a system of controllable mirrors. It is defocused so that it has a large and fuzzy spot (at least, compared to how it would be used in a laser cutter—it's small compared to the pizza's size) on the pizza, to heat the surface more evenly and avoid burning narrow lines through it. This is for cooking the surface of the crust and toppings to make them crusty and charred; the degree of this can be adjusted on the control panel.

Once the pizza is cooked, the laser can be focused to a tight spot and used to cut the pizza into slices if you really want, but this may adversely affect flavor, so we suggest taking the pizza out after cooking and cutting it by hand.

Fits under a bed, too. Not sure why you'd want to, but you can.

N/A [2019-10-07]

notexactly, Oct 10 2019

Flashbake Oven https://www.google....oDCAQ4dUDCAY&uact=5
If you want to cook pizza in a hurry, use visible + infra-red. [neutrinos_shadow, Oct 11 2019]


       But... the crust.
Microwaved bread turns rock hard before it even gets cold and you need that under-heat to brown the crust. Maybe a pizza pad you pre-heat with the diffused laser before inserting the pie would work.

       // under-heat //   

       Heating from the bottom? Would the floor waveguides I described do that well enough?
notexactly, Oct 10 2019

       For pizza in a hurry, see linky (I couldn't find a decent article that explained it well, so I've linked the search results instead).
Pun version: if you want pizza in a flash, the (result of the) idea is already baked...
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 11 2019

       //Heating from the bottom? Would the floor waveguides I described do that well enough?//   

       It's different. Microwaves are tuned so that they are best at exciting water molecules. Take the water molecules from bread and it becomes concrete, er... I mean croutons, so wave guide or no, unless there is the equivalent of hot stone beneath that pie and extra moisture in an un-risen crust... it's gonna totally be chef Boyardee is all I'm sayin.   


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