Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)

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Minimalist airline

Really, no frills ...
  [vote for,

At check-in, you and your baggage are weighed, and you go through immigration control and security. You then push or carry your kit to the waiting area, which is a fenced-off bit of a hangar. When your departure is called you carry your baggage on board and put it in one of the squares on the floor marked with tape. That's your place for the flight. Best pick luggage you can sit on - there are no seats, no food service, a drum of fresh water at the front, and a chemical toilet behind a canvas screen in the tail.

There are tiedown loops in the floor through which you can thread the straps you have brought to tether yourself and your luggage in case of turbulence. Lifejackets are on sale in the departure area. Parachutes will be included in your baggage allowance. Warm clothing is advised.

Please carefully read and memorize the laminated emergency instructions, then pass them on - there's only one copy. Nobody is allowed to disembark until they're handed back.

As there are no emergency exit slides, in the event of a crash abseiling skills may be useful. A rope may be even more useful (also on sale in the waiting area).

For a fee, passengers can upgrade to First Class, which has both heating and pressurization (subject to availability). Passengers with documentary proof of aviation skills may be offered a free upgrade to a good seat at the front, particularly if they know anything about navigation or fuel management, but mostly to stop the pilot getting lonely on long flights.

Fares are very cheap - essentially, it's exactly like British Airways, but much more affordable.

8th of 7, Jun 22 2016

A Case Of Diahorrea A_20Case_20Of_20Diahorrea
Carry-on luggage [8th of 7, Jun 22 2016]


       //At check-in, you and your baggage are weighed// - What if you use the toilets in the waiting area; Are you then re-weighed?
hippo, Jun 22 2016

       There are no toilets in the waiting area. We can only suggest that you invest in a useful personal hygiene product from BorgCo <link>
8th of 7, Jun 22 2016

       Would you happen to sell compression chambers, in case I don't want to experience much less than one atmosphere?
RayfordSteele, Jun 22 2016


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