h a l f b a k e r y
Warm and Fussy
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Audiences can be hopelessly unreliable. You give them your all, you put in a brilliant performance, and then you're done... and there's this awkward moment while you stare at them, they stare at you... and then finally, hesitantly, somone starts to clap. And then someone else takes it up. And suddenly
everybody's doing it.
Moments like that can put a big dent in your self-esteem. And they're often not your fault - maybe the music doesn't end with a big, this-is-the-end-now climax, or maybe the audience are a bunch of stuffed shirts with less life in them than a damp sock.
Therefore, to protect the delicate performers' ego, Moomcorp has created the Mobile Audience. This device comes with a small remote control, which the performer can hide in their sleeve. The Mobile Audience itself is cunningly disguised as...um...
..well, we'll come back to that. The device consists of two basic items. The FirstClap is very simple. This gets over the audience's natural hesitation in being the first person to clap by providing a couple of convincing clapping noises. This is achieved by linking up a cutting-edge, titanium alloy remote servo release to a couple of spring-loaded, artisan-crafted planks of wood. It doesn't have to last long; a couple of good claps should be enough to get the audience going. All you have to do is press the big green button on your remote, and hey, presto, an ovation is born.
Second, for when things get enthusiastic, is the Launcher. Adapted from tennis coaching technology, this can be loaded with a wide variety of items, suitable for all occasions. Here at Moomcorp, we generally use roses (for everyday gigs such as classical concerts, boardroom presentations, the moment when the attractive guy from purchasing comes into the room, etc.), pants (for everyday gigs such as classical concerts, boardroom presentations, the moment when the attractive guy from purchasing comes into the room, etc.) or rotten tomatoes. This last item is good for putting the audience off the scent if things are looking a bit dicey - aim wide, put a couple across the stage (at a safe distance, of course), then start firing into the crowd. With a bit of luck, you'll be able to escape in the ensuing brawl.
...? Oh, yeah. Okay, I dunno, disguise it as the Phantom of the Opera, how 'bout that. That'll look good at the back of the office.
||This is really freaky... I think I have an autobunner. Several times I've come back to stuff to find one bun, no anno.
||I have to go now, to put on my copper armour and stand on a hilltop, shouting "Come on, then, Fate! Come on! I tempt you..."
||I like to start the clapping, even when it's not called for. It's amazing what a crowd will do. This should work.
||I also want the cannon for those occational amateur magician moments (just for kids and friends). There's always one who insists they know how it was done and charges forward to grab the props and prove it. If that's not a reason to fire into the crowd...
||You are kidding me. This is amazing. I just saw an opportunity for one of these, not 2 hours ago. I was at a Symphony Orchestra concert, it was great... but in between movements, some non-symphony-goer (n00b, if you prefer) started clapping. He was quite embarrassed after he realized the piece wasn't over...
But I like this. It would remove the ambiguositudinality that comes with some concerts. And it would have saved that fella's pride.
[edit, 5-second afterthought]:
This would be a huge improvement to those "APPLAUSE" signs, too.