Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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Mouth Muff

Muzzles Mouthfuls
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The Mouth Muff or Mastication Muffler is a sound-proof mask snugly covering the whole of the lower part of the chewer’s face. The sound-proof material masks those annoying chewing, crunching, squelching noises that some people just can’t avoid or won’t stop making even though they get shouted at.

Obviously, there’s a hole where the mouth is to let food and drink in and clearly this can be shut under the control of the other diners as an added muffle bonus.

It’s dishwasher safe.

DenholmRicshaw, Jun 09 2007

Yahoo: Selective Sound Sensitivity http://health.group...p/Soundsensitivity/
A group for people who can't stand certain sounds that aren't objectionably loud. [jutta, Jun 09 2007]

not dishwasher safe http://wiki.ardkor....ur_%C3%A0_moustache
also nsfw [jaksplat, Jun 10 2007]

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       Nobody really *likes* chewing sounds, but did you know that some people are really, really sensitive to sounds like chewing, to the point of being unable to stand to be around others eating e.g. at dinner?   

       I don't think these phobias are well understood, but there are some OCD drugs that might work for this, as might cognitive therapy. It's pretty close to brain chemistry - something gets excited and just doesn't settle down. Interesting stuff.
jutta, Jun 09 2007
  

       I had a now thankfully former colleague who liked to eat at his desk. With his mouth open. All day long. He made squelching noises. They haven't found the body yet.
DrCurry, Jun 10 2007
  

       These people from the link don't have sex do they? -On the idea here, get over it.
zeno, Jun 10 2007
  

       Most mastication noise offenders have no clue whatsoever they are causing grief to their associates, so they'd likely look at a Mouth Muff and say "Huh?".   

       Or they'll claim to be deeply hurt and insulted, then tell you nobody has ever complained before so you must be overly sensitive which is your problem, not theirs, so they tell you where to go.   

       A perhaps a more amenable solution would be music. Keep a small radio handy and switch it on to mask the obnoxious cacophony, or pop in some headphones and play a nice soothing Norah Jones tune to completely obliterate their ovine offering.
Canuck, Jun 10 2007
  

       How about, get over your back smacking and chewing, spitting and snorting habits. This techology doesn't make you less obnoxious, it just masks your obnoxiousness. What ever happened to personal improvement!
twitch, Jun 10 2007
  

       It's not really the chewing, but I can't standing someone scraping the bowl over and over when it's really empty already. (I leave the room if possible.)
xandram, Jun 10 2007
  

       Indeed [21]. However, the difference is when you yourself wish to eat but not be too loud. For instance, I would use this when in a quiet room while someone is reading a book.   

       Further on't, not long ago I was in a meeting with our CEO at which a veritable smörgåsbord of fresh sandwiches was laid out and, despite being ravishingly hungry – and the sandwiches looking increasingly tempting - I refrained after eating one triangle due to an abundance of social mastication paranoia. This would have been perfect then. They were bloody good smidges by the looks of it.
theleopard, Jun 11 2007
  

       If you call your product "Mouth Muff" English people will assume it has something to do with oral sex. Throw in the words 'mastication', 'squelching noises' and 'lip smacking' and people will jump to all sorts of conclusions.
marklar, Jun 11 2007
  

       The main trouble with devices that stop problem behavior at the source is that the source doesn't see it as a problem. This would be sort of like trying to give soap to the guy who never bathes... unless we can go about having this court-ordered.   

       I don't think the problem is quite severe enough to warrant government intervention, so this would mostly be limited to "gag" gift donations.
ye_river_xiv, Jun 11 2007
  

       ...people will jump to all sorts of conclusions...   

       yes indeed.
DenholmRicshaw, Jun 11 2007
  

       My friend just got back from a formal breakfast with the mayor and various members of local government. She came back hungry due to her incapability to eat quietly during various speeches without fear of sounding astonishingly rude.   

       This idea's success resides solely in one's own decision to use it, not on forcing others that annoy you to wear it. Now eat this croissant, quietly in the muff if you like, or if not, loudly. Up to you.   

       (A change of name might help mind.)
theleopard, Jun 27 2007
  


 

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