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Naming Competition For Nuclear Weapons

Another improbable, poorly thought out and probably bad idea.
  (+3, -2)
(+3, -2)
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People name nuclear weapons because people name things they make.

Oddly enough, the first two nuclear weapons dropped on actual populated cities had the names "Fat Man" and "Little Boy", so we're not above giving goofy names to horrific tools of apocalyptic devastation. Therefore the idea is to let the public name new weapons as they come on line. They pay for it, they should get to name it.

The English had a competition to name a research vessel that they had paid for with their taxes. They elected to call THEIR ship, "Boaty Mc Boatface". Of course this being fun and not at all majestic they changed it to the "Her Majesty's Ship The Lord Smithchenjson" or something.

Names for the latest nuclear warheads like "Civilization Buster 9000" or "Kill All Humans" would take the prospect of the end of the world as we know it and make it at least a LITTLE funnier.

doctorremulac3, Jul 20 2020

The French name theirs https://en.wikipedi...ear_weapons_testing
You can rely on them [DenholmRicshaw, Jul 20 2020]

Operation Kittens https://en.wikipedi...ralinga#Minor_tests
Too good to be true [DenholmRicshaw, Jul 20 2020]

The President's Analyst https://www.imdb.co...53/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
Of course, it could never really happen ... [8th of 7, Jul 21 2020]


       Well, maybe it's time.   

       I'm all for using the naming protocol for that ship on pretty much everything the government makes us pay for.   

       Defense budget is the Warry Mc Warface Budget. New infrastructure fund would be... something.
doctorremulac3, Jul 20 2020

       // publicized memorable names //   

       "Broken Arrow" ... ?
8th of 7, Jul 20 2020

       I'm thinking more feminine. Like Lilly of the Valley, or something. Something sweet and earthy.
blissmiss, Jul 20 2020

       I think the silos should be called "Trump's Asshole"
4and20, Jul 20 2020

       What if an entity had what others considered an unwholesome fascination, indeed affection, for gadgets, and not only gave individual units pet names, but displayed a prediliction for sitting by them, stroking and fondling them, talking to them, and making happy crooning noises ?   

       (Asking for a friend).
8th of 7, Jul 20 2020

       8th, do you have a pet nuclear bomb? You can tell me.   

       Just give me a hint, we talking fission of fusion? I think you might need a permit if it's the fusion type.
doctorremulac3, Jul 20 2020

       [4and20]...now that was funny
blissmiss, Jul 20 2020

       <Outrageous faux-Hispanic accent>   

       "Permeets ? Hwe doan' need no steenking permeets !"   

       </Outrageous faux-Hispanic accent>
8th of 7, Jul 20 2020

       The French named their tests - see link. I'm always bemused at the number of tests the French did. The US and Soviet Union are first and second, but the French are third, with the UK and China in fourth and fifth. I also found that the UK had something called Operation Kittens (second link) involving initiator tests and conventional explosives.
DenholmRicshaw, Jul 20 2020

       // Operation Kittens //   

       <Manic gurgling laughter and arm-flapping/>   

       Though of course that was absolutely NOTHING to do with us. We have 183 independent witnesses who will all swear on a stack of religious books that they saw us having a pie & chip supper in Margate at exactly the time it all happened, irrespective of when that actually was.   

       It was a long time ago - in another country* - and besides, the cats are dead.   

       *Not, however, the Undiscovered Country. Unless you were a cat.
8th of 7, Jul 20 2020

       // Operation Kittens // Now that's more like it!!!
blissmiss, Jul 20 2020

       Did I miss the part where they explained why came up with that name? Don't get me wrong, it's the most adorable title of a series of experiments geared towards making weapons of mass destruction I've ever heard, just curious about the genesis of the name.
doctorremulac3, Jul 20 2020

       Uh oh. this could be way different from the ending that I thought.
blissmiss, Jul 20 2020

       // Proportionally more radioactive contamination than the real bomb tests. //   

       Yes, but that was decades ago, before - like smoking cigarettes - it was bad for you ...   

       // Uh oh. this could be way different from the ending that I thought. //   


       // it's a term for an accident involving any nuke that doesn't involve it actually going off. //   

       "it's a term for an accident involving any nuke that doesn't involve it actually going off to the extent that anyone notices" ...   

       Interestingly, the UK have never had or needed such a term, because they've never lost one ... Not because of having a smaller stockpile, mind; more a rather more cautious attitude involving "looking after expensive stuff".   

       We have an actual "bike lock" arming key from a WE.177 ... a prized possession.
8th of 7, Jul 21 2020

       But they need two keys to arm right? Please tell me they need two keys.
doctorremulac3, Jul 21 2020

       No, they don't. Just the one little round key. No "permissive links", no "dual-key system", just one simple little keyswitch.   

       The secure part of the system is that the key isn't entrusted to any commissioned officers, but to the base's senior Warrant Officer Armourer. The rationale seems to be that if you want to put the power to end the world into one person's hand (or rather, on their key ring) then best to choose someone level-headed and reliable, like a senior NCO.   

       There's a further level of security, of course. A retired very senior officer was asked in an interview, "What would you have done if the Prime Minister had gone off his rocker and told you to bomb the USSR ?". He chuckled, and replied "Well ... the thing is, we don't actually report to the Prime Minister. Our oath of allegiance is to the sovereign ... so if things looked a bit doubtful, a couple of us would nip over to the Palace and ask the Queen what she wanted us to do ..."
8th of 7, Jul 21 2020

       Wait a second, you telling me the queen controls the nuclear arsenal? What if the queen goes nuts?   

       Oh, you're joking. OK, you got me.
doctorremulac3, Jul 21 2020

       No, we're not joking. Probably, her family would just give her a big glass of gin to calm her down, and take over. That's what happened when George III was ill.   

       There are significant advantages to a hereditary system where the family members have nothing to gain and everything to lose.   

       The Queen is the de jure head of the UK armed forces; observational evidence strongly suggests that should push come to shove, the elected politicians would come of very badly in any standoff. It's not like the Civil War where Charles I was an arrogant despot, and parliament's complaints were generally acknowledged to be reasonable; the Queen is "everyone's favourite grandmother". The current batch of worthless scum that infest Westminster are held in such contempt by just about everyone that most wouldn't bother to walk across the street to piss on them if they were on fire.   

       We would walk across the street; but only if we had a supply of a slow-burning* accelerant to add to the conflagration, or something like battery acid to cause even more pain.   

       *obviously nothing too flammable; they might die too quickly, and it needs to be very slow and excruciatingly painful.
8th of 7, Jul 21 2020

       //Probably, her family would just give her a big glass of gin to calm her down.//   

       I might need one of those after hearing that.
doctorremulac3, Jul 21 2020

       They should be named for the presiding Queen then as in "Queen Elizabeth #1" for example. Doncha think?
blissmiss, Jul 21 2020

       How accurate we talkin'?   

       Asking for a friend.
doctorremulac3, Jul 21 2020

       Hmm. Interesting hobby.   

       I hope it's just a hobby anyway.
doctorremulac3, Jul 21 2020

       // You can nick a piece like that from a weapons system but can't steal a loose bolt from a museum exhibit... //   

       We were given the key as a gift; unfortunately, the "loose" bolt (well, we actually did quite a bit (quite a lot) of the "loosening" before it "came off in our hand") was not part of a museum exhibit, but a component of an active, airworthy plane, whose attendants (acolytes might be a better word) were an unnecessarily intense, humourless bunch.   

       Apparently, permission to sit in the pilot's seat does extend to taking photographs (including selfies) but not to taking anything else. Even tiny, redundant, loose bolts* that no-one has a right to notice or be bothered about.   

       If you wiped the inside of the windscreen with a clean cloth, they'd probably have a go at you for stealing "their" dust ...   

       *Technically, it was a machine screw, not a bolt.
8th of 7, Jul 21 2020

       <bitter resentful muttering/>   

       If they'd actually done their actual jobs properly, like they were supposed to, and made sure all the screws were in tight, not so badly fitted and loose that they only needed to be brushed gently with a pozidriv screwdriver for a minute or so for them to come tumbling out ... well, they might have a genuine reason to complain.
8th of 7, Jul 21 2020


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