Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The other kind of offensive weapon
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(+7, -1)
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Construct a vast array of (very very) heavily armored robots. Do not equip the robots with weapons per se. The robots are equipped with shielded two-way communications gear, and are anatomically correct. Perhaps even anatomically (ahem) enthusiastic.

Upon inception of hostilities, this army is airdropped into the theatre of combat and is directed via remote control or autonomous program - whichever is more suitable, and switchable as needed - wends its way toward enemy troops and begins assailing them with every insulting thing that army's culture has ever imagined.

The enemy army will expend its ammunition trying to destroy the robots. Unfortunately, the robots are built a bit tougher than mere bullets can destroy. With sufficient funding and technology, they could even be built to withstand multiple RPG attacks. And through it all, they continue to deride the enemy's families, their politics, whatever it takes to keep the poor bastards firing.

When verbal insults begin to lose their effectiveness, the anatomical correctness of the robots comes into play, and offensive gestures of the various bodily appendages typical of humans are brought to bear. Enraged enemy fire continues. Robot-to-robot interaction, direct one-on-one robot-to-enemy interaction, and various other combinations can be used to keep the enemy angry and retaliatory. Use your imagination here. If you find it offensive, I bet I could construct a robot to do it. The idea is to get and keep the enemy angry and wasting their offensive capabilities on inanimate objects.

Eventually, God willing, the enemy runs out of ammo. Then armed soldiers can move in to seize objectives with a minimum of loss of life on either side. Intel received from the robots on the ground will go a long way toward this end.

If this initial wave doesn't succeed, a follow-on mission of Tokyo Rosebots is launched to sow doubt and dissent among the enemy troops. These are also anatomically correct, fashioned after assorted Playboy Playmates (whose forms are used under license, of course).

Once the Neenerbots and Rosebots have done their jobs, the Frasierbots are launched to smoothe the rough edges of such poor emotional treatment.

elhigh, Oct 26 2005


       As long as the Neenerbots are SO HEAVILY ARMORED THAT THEY ARE INVULNERABLE TO EVERYTHING! I am with you. You had my bun with "anatomically enthusiastic".
bungston, Oct 26 2005

       This sounds great, until I realize my country will also willingly use up our entire 21st-century budget allowance trying to destroy one tin robot with a metal model of a human fetus hanging out of it.
phundug, Oct 26 2005

       They had something like this in WWII. They just couldn't move. They were like little GI Joe dolls with machine gun noises. The Germans shot at them, and when they kept shooting, and the Germans realized they weren't getting hit, they just walked up and blew the little dolls faces off. Thats why I think insults are a better idea.
fett625, Apr 04 2007

       Consider: perhaps an anatomically correct robot could be programmed... to feel? Maybe with the help of these robots we could all learn to get along? Instead of sow doubt, could these humble and enthusiastic robots sow love? And even boar love?
bungston, Apr 05 2007

       Boar love!?   

       Don't send any pigs over to bungston...
ye_river_xiv, Apr 05 2007

       Isn't this what the Japanese designed anime for?
RayfordSteele, Apr 17 2008


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