Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Kill those cravings
(+1, -1)
  [vote for,

Numerous products exist to assist those who have developed a psychological or physiological dependence on nicotine.

But there is a far, far more dangerous, insidious and unaddressed problem that - so far - has received no attention.

Until now.

It seems that 100%, yes 100% of humans exhibit an serious dependancy on oxygen. Take it away, and they exhibit all sorts of really quite frightening symptoms and behaviours, and can become abusive and quite remarkably violent.

But these "users" seem to have no concept of how very, very dangerous this simple molecule is. It's implicated in all sorts of dangerous, destructive reactions, readily forms aggressive free radicals, and can cause astonishing damage to all sorts of materials.

Now, BorgCo pharmacologists have formulated a special compound to help addicts quickly and painlessly free themselves of the curse of this horrible, destructive addiction. Just take a dose of BorgCo OxyQuitin and very quickly you'll no longer feel that terrible, overwhelming craving for oxygen. You'll feel calm, serene, and happy in the knowledge that you're at last free of the ruthless monster that has dominated your life so far.

OxyQuitin. You know you want it.

8th of 7, May 13 2020


       //so fat// speak for yourself
pocmloc, May 13 2020

       Yes, but you have to keep taking that, you're just swapping one dependancy for another; with our OxQuitin product, yo only need one dose.   

8th of 7, May 14 2020

       You're just rebranding nitrogen, aren't you?
pertinax, May 14 2020

       I can't believe it's naught but air...   

       // You're just rebranding nitrogen, aren't you? //   

       No, this is an oral medication, not a gas.
8th of 7, May 14 2020

       Sounds like there aren't many side effects either. Might be the only medicine with only one side effect in fact.   

       Actually you're limiting your market.   

       Over eating? Cured.
Occasional headaches? Cured.
Bored with nothing to do on a Saturday night? Not any more.

       Cures all diseases for that matter. Well, puts an end to them anyway.
doctorremulac3, May 15 2020

       I feel better already, however soon I won't.
blissmiss, May 15 2020

       Would I be correct in my suspicion that this medicine smells of almonds?
Loris, May 15 2020

       You would be entirely wrong. It doesn't smell of anything, it's a tablet with a thick sugar coating (that is, however, safe* for diabetics).   

       Swallow whole without chewing.   

       <Frantically pushes heap of empty Zyklon-B cans into nearby hole in ground/>   

       *The tablet takes effect before the excess sugar dose has any chance to cause problems.
8th of 7, May 15 2020


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