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Paranoidosensor

Caught up being paranoid?
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The neighbors cat is out to get you... or is he?

Well... with this machine you can tell reliably. Instead of getting caught up in being paranoid all the time and missing important notifications let this machine measure the eye shiftiness and clenching fists of the people around you.

I havn't yet found a way to do this... it'll probably be something big and straped to your head that screems violently when you should be paranoid.

When someone finds a way to make this can they please patend it under my name?

and by the way... the neighbors cat IS out to get you.

ShatteredPizza, Jun 28 2001

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       It could be posible - face recognition software could be used to measure how angry the people round you are. It could also use gun recognition software to notify you of impending gun atacks and voice recognition software that could recognise "i'm going to kill you in 71 languages"...
RobertKidney, Jun 28 2001
  

       I think you`ll need to have a handy on/off switch in case you ever travel on public transport in the UK.   

       robertkidney:thats a strange phrase to have to look out for! :)
Pallex, Jun 28 2001
  

       Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're <em>not</em> out to get you. Also, paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organized.   

       Can you think of a better way to get people to stare at you suspiciously than to strap a large device, which screams unpredictably, to the top of your head? (Okay, brandishing a large weapon would probably be more effective.) Are we trying to create paranoia, or give the nervous a better idea of what to worry about?
Redbird, Jun 28 2001
  

       Perhaps the idea should be re-titled Paranoia Enhancer.
snarfyguy, Jun 28 2001
  

       No - you simpley make it water proof and double up as a pillow so they never have to take it off. If they built it themselves or watched it being built then no one would be able to alter it...   

       [Pallex] Sorry, I apear to have misplaced my ". The version 1.2 patch will allow it to recognise "I'm going to kill you" in 71 languages instead...
RobertKidney, Jun 29 2001
  

       I can see why you'd want something like this, [ShatteredPizza], 'cos everyone's been saying you're paranoid.   

       *high hat*
-alx, Jun 29 2001
  

       [ShatteredPizza] // ... the neighbors cat IS out to get you.//
Good God, man! This we know; it's their job! Accept and move on!
The Military, Jun 30 2001
  
      
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