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Perfect Memory Recall

(Assumed) 100% Successful!
  [vote for,

Want to find the mate to that mismatched sock that came out of the dryer?

Want to remember what happened to the lucky rabbit's foot you had when you were a kid?

Put very simply, remembering virtually every single thing in your entire life is easily achievable!!! 100% accuracy guaranteed! People claiming they have eidetic memory will be secretly eating their hearts out and crying themselves to sleep every night!

Here are the steps:

1) Plug in the GROGco Memory Jogger 2000 and duct tape the electrodes next to your heart. Set the timer for 10 minutes. Lay down on a suitable gurney and press the handy remote control button.

2) The machine will deliver a massive fatal electrical shock and induce clinical death (which, as you will soon see is only a minor and momentary inconvenience).

2) Wait for your whole life to flash before your eyes.

3) Stop at the good bits and take mental notes.

4) After the designated amount of time, the electrodes kick in and restart your heart.

5) Leap off the gurney and write down what insight you got before you forget again.

Not sold in stores.

Note: Immediate evacuation is a common side effect. Although you may take a popularity nosedive with your friends if you perform this memory feat at a party without adequate ventilation, the recalled meme will soon put you in good stead again.

Grogster, Apr 29 2013


       You had me at "immediate evacuation." Party favors for everyone!
AfroAssault, Apr 30 2013

       I'll take two please. Do you accept credit cards?
pocmloc, Apr 30 2013

       + I can really use this! How about a sales promotion called *As Seen On the Halfbakery*?
xandram, Apr 30 2013

       In that case, does that not mean one would have to be exceedingly single-minded and focussed not to let one's attention drift for decades on end?
nineteenthly, Apr 30 2013

       What if the commercial breaks come just at the point you needed to see?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 30 2013

       <GROG's Note to Self: Consider extending the range on the timer to 30 minutes... clearly some people will need extra time with the good bits>
Grogster, Apr 30 2013

       It's more psychological than philosophical.
nineteenthly, Apr 30 2013

       The great thing is you've never had any complaints of defects from unsatisfied customers.
RayfordSteele, Apr 30 2013

       //It's more psychological than philosophical.//   

       Everything's more psychological than philosophical. Especially philosophy.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 30 2013

       Do we have any reason to assume that's volts, and not amps?
lurch, Apr 30 2013

       //Do they come in different voltages or is it only for things you lost in 2000 ?//   

       My understanding from the electrical engineers at GROGco (hmmm... I wonder why they all have curly hair) is that the "2000" refers to kilowatts (or was it megawatts?). Early testing was problematic, in that the dearly departed beta-testing volunteers underpants kept bursting into flames. Coupled with the aforementioned immediate evacuation, the number of gurneys replaced at the testing laboratory was annoyingly high.   

       Did I mention that for the first 100 customers, GROGco is providing a free starter roll of duct tape?
Grogster, Apr 30 2013

       [21]: //...that might be possible...//   

Grogster, May 01 2013

       Surely the easiest way is to unravel the brain, then flatten it onto a rotating disk, then you can avoid all this serial access malarkey?
not_morrison_rm, May 01 2013


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