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Personal Narrator

The story of your life, told as you live it.
  [vote for,

I've always wanted my own personal narrator. Someone that I could hire who would follow me around and narrate my actions and implied body language. It would have to be someone well spoken and creative, perhaps someone with a background in writing.

"He turns up the glass of cold cider and sips from it, savoring the captured taste of an October breeze."

In social situations it could enhance your personality as the people with you would have audible sense of what you are doing/thinking as well as a physical sense. (Hey, the narrator works for YOU so you can have it exaggerated.)

"He reaches for the pitcher of beer, and makes as if to fill his cup, but notices his friends are also in need of refreshment and selflessly fills their cups leaving only foam for himself. What a guy!"

Times when you are too emotionally torn to speak it would provide some idea of what you are going through to those that need to be informed.

"He unwraps the burger and is greeted with the nefarious smell of onion. Onion that he has asked to be left off. He approcahes the counter and eyeballs the attendant, the burger now a twisted broken thing in his fist. The cords stand out on his neck and his eyes become bloodshot as visions of chainsaws dance in his head."

Imagine how it could enhance your "love life".

"He turns off the lights and approaches the bed in the pitch black darkness. He disrobes and... Holy cow look at the SIZE of that thing!"

You could record special occasions and keep them as an audio record or diary. Use it as a tool for building self esteem. Act out parts for a play or novel you're writing to get ideas. Give an added twist to sign language, or a mime's companion. There are a lot of things this could do for a person.

Just don't take your narrator into the john...

TauCeti, Jul 28 2003

Film Noir Home http://www.halfbake.../Film_20Noir_20Home
"...uses voice synthesis to announce, in the first person, what you are doing." [phoenix, Oct 17 2004]


       There was a similar idea in the 50's film noir house, but I'm to lazy to make a link.
simonj, Jul 28 2003

       If a couple narrated each other, it might improve their relationship…or not.
FarmerJohn, Jul 28 2003

       "Will you shut the fuck up!"

""Will you shut the fuck up!" DrBob cried in exasperation as his personal narrator echoed what he had said for the umpteenth time"

"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"

"Again DrBob screamed his futile protest as he fumbled around in the cutlery draw and produced a large knife...ooh err!"
DrBob, Jul 28 2003

       I think the narrator should be a midget perched on your shoulder.
Gulherme, Jul 28 2003

       You could dress the midget like a parrot.
Gulherme, Jul 28 2003

       Your P.N.'s use of the present tense seems, to me, more more commentary than narration.   

       "...Opined friendlyfire, his fingers flying across the keyboard in a desperate attempt to stave off stuck-at-work-with-nothing-to-do ennui."
friendlyfire, Jul 28 2003

       'Just then [TauCeti] noticed it, over his shoulder - a fishbone. Not very large, just a sliver really, but it worried him. He'd read about this kind of thing before. How these things could grow and grow and swallow an idea whole. He twisted nervously, biting his tattoed fingernails as he watched the screen. With each refresh his heart sank a little lower and a little lower. "My first idea, and it's getting fishbones." He scanned the annos for some relief, some sign that other bakers found value in the Personal Narrator. "I think they like it, or they wouldn't be trying it out, would they?" He pulled his blonde hair back from his temples and drummed his fingers on his bald pate. "I'll wait for a few minutes, maybe it'll come around..." He pulled himself reluctantly up from his desk and headed to the bathroom ....   

       'Returning from the john a moment later, he clicked 'refresh' one last time. "Dammit. Nothing. If it weren't for the fact that I'd already hired this writer to follow me around, I never would've posted this dumb idea!" '   

       [editor's note: will send resume.]
k_sra, Jul 28 2003

       "He turns around and jabs a finger at the college dropout waiting patiently behind him"   

       "This is YOUR fault jackass!"   

       btw: I have red hair, and im only balding in front corners :P SO YOU'RE WRONG! HAHAHAH! yeah.
TauCeti, Jul 28 2003

       Once again, I cannot be blamed for creating details out of thin air. That's part of the job description. Besides, at least I got the gender right! ; )
k_sra, Jul 30 2003

       WEll k_sra, you couldn't have missed on the gender after that "Holy cow look at the SIZE of that thing" comment on the body of the idea. I doubt a girl would need to make such a remark.   

       I like Gulherme's idea about a midget dressed up as a parrot. It would be the only way I'd think this idea is, somehow, entertaining.
Pericles, Jul 30 2003


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