Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Phone Fingers

For people who think the world can't manage without them.
  (+5, -2)
(+5, -2)
  [vote for,

If you're a heavy user of the mobile phone and demand to be in touch with everybody 24 hours a day, blathering on whether the poor soul at the other end likes it or not, this is for you.

Now you can annoy people at the touch of your touch! A small earpiece is surgically impanted in your sweaty thumb and a microphone implanted at the tip of your clawed pinkie. Simply use your hand as a telephone, the way very small children do. The number buttons will be grafted onto your palm and later models will allow small LCD screens to be jammed in your wrist, right next to the scars where you tried to commit suicide to get everybody's attention.

It is powered by blood coarsing past a dynamo next to your black heart. Because you're such a loud-mouthed desperate fool who thinks the world will stops when you stop, you'll no doubt have dangerously high blood pressure - so the phone will never need charging. It will never be lost and you'll always be connected until you have a heart-attack, aged 31.

You need one to prove how important you are. Buy now.

kpx, Sep 13 2001

Similar idea without implants http://www.halfbake...held_22_20cellphone
[jutta, Sep 13 2001]

Similar idea with different implant location http://www.halfbake...hone_20as_20Implant
In the ear, that is. [jutta, Sep 13 2001]


       Sweet. But where does the electronics go? Will it hurt?
jabbers, Sep 13 2001

       The people who this seems to be aimed at wouldn't buy them because then they couldn't show everyone how important they were.
StarChaser, Sep 14 2001

       Bloody brilliant, made me laugh loads too. I'm all for it.
lilacbuttons, Jun 13 2002

       Oh, and when can I get one?
lilacbuttons, Jun 13 2002

       Cleverly taken straight from 'Inspector Gadget'.
phoenix, Jun 13 2002


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