A great many people seem to be obsessed with the idea
that It Will All End Badly, and that humanity will
due to the combined effects of one or more of
food shortages, unfettered population growth, obesity,
shortages, global warming, or infertility caused by
I may be mistaken*, but I believe these people live for
day when society crumbles and their foresight and
coupled with self-reliance and personal armament,
them as masters of the post-apocalyptic wilderness.
But today, no apocalypse. Tomorrow, also no
Then all of a sudden... still no apocalypse.
What happens to these people when they get old? Do
cling to the hope that the End might still come before
end? How do they deal with the continued existence of
electricity, roads, water and taxes? How do they
themselves to society's ongoing robustness, even as their
own failing health marks them out as a non-survivor?
Anapocalyptic woes begone!!
MaxCare Unc. is currently in the early pre-planning
of opening a range of retirement homes to soothe the
of aged survivors with no apocalypse to survive.
Our first home, Ashen Meadows, will be opening just as
first generation of nuclear doomsdayers reach their
The tastefully landscaped, semi-vitrified grounds of
Meadows sport a soothing barrenness, dotted lightly with
tastefully burnt tree-stumps. Each resident is lovingly
cared for in their own bunker, which they are free to
decorate with any small personal items (sorry, no living
The larder can be stocked with bottled water and tinned
foods of your choice, which will discreetly replaced as
necessary using our "hoard-u-like" service.
will consist of our very own in-house radio, broadcasting
feint "am I the only survivor?" messages in Morse every
For those residents with medical needs, nursing staff will
be tastefully attired in full lead shielding, complete with
respirator and a highly plausible Geiger counter.
are invited to bring their own firearms (though, for legal
reasons, only blank ammunition is permitted) and, for a
modest extra charge, marauding bands of half-starved
can be fended off at a time to suit you.
Or perhaps you'd prefer a rickshaw retirement at Post-
Petroleum Heights? Or
our water-themed, semi-submerged Sea-Level Sunsets
appeal to those of you who have waited too long for the
glaciers to melt?
Rest assured, and trust to MaxCare to make your post-
apocalyptic autumn years as fulfilling as you always
*this statement is for effect only.