Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pretzel Salter/Mustardizer

Ensure the proper amount of Salt and Mustard on your Pretzel every time
(+1, -1)
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Ever since the dawn of evolution, people have been trying to make what they say sound more important by starting out with "Ever since the dawn of evolution"...

But more importantly, I don't like it when I don't get the right amount of salt and mustard on my pretzel.

A device which can chromatographically detect the amount of salt and pretzel on a sample (very small sample, so you don't miss out on every delicious bite) of your pretzel would be heavenly. First, it would detect the levels, then scan the size and curvature of the pretzel, then automatically apply the absolutely correct amount of salt and mustard. AI built into the chipset would "learn" your preference and customize accordingly. A deluxe model would also detect the freshness of the pretzel itself, and suggest a variety of beverages depending upon time of year, time of day, etc.

mahatma, Apr 24 2003

Auntie Anne's http://www.auntieannes.com/
These are the BEST soft pretzels - I noticed on the site that they do have a location in London too! Try the Cinnamon & Sugar pretzels! :) [funkychunky, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       Can be combined with the "Random Soda Machine" concept
mahatma, Apr 24 2003

       Only pretzels I like better than mustard pretzels are honey-mustard pretzels. And maybe pizza pretzels.
galukalock, Apr 24 2003

       How does this help me when the pretzel cart guy only has soggy pretzels that all the salt fell off of?
snarfyguy, Apr 24 2003

       You people put mustard on pretzels? That sounds awesome! I love mustard, I love pretzels, I love salt. I really must move to America. BTW - what kind of pretzels are these? As I know pretzels they're pretty small, kind of crisp/chip size, made of maize flour or something, and come in bags. Are you talking about some different kind of pretzel?
sild, Apr 25 2003

       I think he's talking about the kind that are sold by pretzel vendors - maybe up to 6" across, chewy and bready, rather than crunchy and crispy. Buying one of these pretzels is probably the most expensive way of buying low-quality bread in the world. They need lots of mustard on them to make them taste of anything.
Also famously difficult for US presidents to chew.
hippo, Apr 25 2003

       Up to 6" across and bready. Wow! I have never heard of these before, but I now want one badly. Does anyone know of a UK source of these?
sild, Apr 25 2003

       They are bready as some suggest, but they really hit the spot when you're walking around and need something in your stomach but don't want anything greasy. If done well, they are usually just lightly crispy on the outside and soft and oh-so-fluffy on the inside. The best ones have just a little too much salt on them but part of the fun is shaking a little salt off to get it "just right". Mustard is critical.
mahatma, Apr 25 2003

       Many grocery stores in the U.S. sell frozen soft pretzels that can be nuked in the microwave - but I wouldn't recommend them - they are dry and blah. Auntie Anne's are so much better.
funkychunky, Apr 25 2003

       The NYC ones are as [hippo] and [mahatma] describe, but with a tantalizing hint of of bus exhaust. Truly scrumptious, unless they're soggy and all the salt fell off, which is most of the time.
snarfyguy, Apr 25 2003

       I don't think this is a good device. I mean, part of the enjoyment of eating food is that with every bite, you get a different taste, texture, flavour on your tongue, and it doesn't all taste exactly the same, even though the source is. Am I talking rubbish again, like I do every time I annotate? I think it comes from being british, which has just given me an idea...
iain, Apr 25 2003

       the variability of taste can be programmed into the AI chipset, based on a percentage variability of course. for instance, do not vary more than 15% from the ideal desired saltiness...
mahatma, Apr 28 2003

       I don't like pretzels, but I do like this idea, as it could also be applied to the amount of ketchup/mustard on a hamburger, salt on french fries, etc...
Eulogic, Apr 28 2003

       I say we take this big time! Why don't we install this condiment machine device in people's mouths so that they always get the right sauces for everything they eat?
betokr, Apr 28 2003

       The best pretzels are sold in paper bags, purchased through your car window from vendors on street corners in Philadelphia.
waugsqueke, Apr 28 2003

       [betokr] !!! Now THAT's an application of Nanotechnology I can get behind !!!
mahatma, Apr 28 2003

       Merriam–Webster confirms this usage of "mustardize", surprisingly. Google also told me it can refer to the use of mustard gas.   

       Chromatography requires a small physical sample, and so does mass spectrometry. That implies that only one point on the pretzel would be sampled, which—unless you took a larger sample, blended it, and then took a smaller sample from that—would almost certainly not be representative of the whole-pretzel average. They both also require bulky and heavy equipment.   

       Therefore, I would suggest using optical spectrometry instead. That can be done with much smaller hardware, and no physical sample. It can also be combined with imaging, so as to measure the pretzeliness and saltiness at all points on the pretzel, to know exactly where to put mustard on or rub off some excess salt.
notexactly, Oct 10 2019


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