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Guitar Hero: 4'33"
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This is a salsa like you've never seen or heard of before. This is the
King of Kondiments! This is a salsa consisting of 7 different types of
salsa, each made with vegetable oils of different weights, causing
to separate into 7 individual layers. Each type of oil is infused with a
of capsaicin, the substance that makes
spicy and pepperspray painful. The first layer would resemble a
taco sauce. The next would be like Pace Medium Salsa. From there
down, each successive layer would have 30% more capsaicin than
layer above it. The salsa itself would consist of all the chunky
of regular salsa, but the chunks would be weighted so that an even
amount float at given layers to ensure homogenous distribution of
everything but the capsaicin. This arrangement prevents the
from plateauing after a certain amount has been ingested.
The Seven Layers of Sweat are packaged in individual bowls of a size
sufficient for a single person to consume half of a large bag of
brand Scoops tortilla chips using all the dip with little or nothing left.
only chose that specific brand because it's the only one I'm familiar
with that makes the Scoops: bowl-shaped bite-size tortilla chips)
The idea here is for a contest using the above recipe. It is played
between 2 people by setting out 2 bowls, a single large bag of chips,
and 2 glasses of milk. No other drinks are allowed. The loser is the
to take a sip of milk. If nobody taps out, the winner is the first to
the bottom of the bowl. To ensure that there are enough chips in
bag for both contestants to consume their entire bowls, the rules
stipulate that they each take one chip at a time, and one dip is
measured by filling the chip halfway with salsa. You must consume
each layer in its entirety before dipping into the next.
(Appropriate chemical-burn warnings and an age-restriction that
sale to minors should at least minimize chance of successful
I was wrong... this one made the Guinness Book.
[21 Quest, Oct 10 2009]
||" The thing that's different about our salsa, you see, is that it goes up to eleven ".
||This doesn't completely devalue the concept, but - if your layers of salsa separate according to the weights of vegetable oils involved, something is very, very wrong with your salsa recipe.
||Surely a 7-compartment container would be much better. 7 stacked tear-off foil lids, so after finishing one layer you can look nervously round at your friends before puling the next foil lid off with a flourish...
||yeah ugh for oil in the salsa. and - for playing with your food
||Well it's clearly not meant to taste good.
||Curry would be tougher, of course ...
||Hmm...I wonder if it has ever been proven what the
"hottest" substance known to man's taste is? Not the
hottest pepper, or the hottest curry, or the hottest
chili, but what man senses as the hottest of hot of
all? Like the King of All Condiments *for real*.
||Bliss, it's called "Smack My Ass and Call me Sally". Comes in a
tiny 5 oz bottle that costs 10 bucks (at least, that's what I paid for
it 4 years ago) and you have to sign a waiver to buy. Officially
recognized as one of the twenty hottest sauces in the world.
That shit is downright *unpleasant*.