Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Professional Newbie Job

A Company that farms their newbieness out to city and state governments.
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(+21, -1)
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Networks work better when they have efficient protocols worked out. It occurred to me while I was getting lost in the freaking subway again, that the reason why not enough people have complained to get the freaking signage changed in the subway is that most people who use the subway either figure it out and then use it for the rest of their lives without using the signs, or are shown it by somebody else and then use it the rest of their lives without using the signs. The same goes for states with bad highway signage, it happens most of the time in places where they don't want newbies.

I come from the school, which is in reaction to the phrase, "you can't run away forever," of, "you can run away forever," and I believe this is what the world is evolving toward, a world where everybody keeps on running all the time. If everybody just got up and ran away and never stopped, eventually we would have world peace and a bunch of really healthy people. To do this though we will have to learn to accept newbies. It will be hard. It was hard for the South to give up slavery.

So my idea is for a company that employs people to be professional newbies, to go to a place for 2 weeks, a month, a year, do the things that a place would most want to have productive new people doing, and write down everything that is wrong with the place from the perspective of a new person, and then charge the government of that place, who should want to make their place more acceptable to newbies and thus more economically viable, a consultant's fee for telling them where they got lost, mugged, etc. Then the government could change the things, for instance put up freaking signs in the subway that make sense, and have more newbies come to their place and open up their economy.

JesusHChrist, Jun 14 2005

NewbieCo http://www.newbieco.blogspot.com/
Send me your complaints and I will shop them around to city governments when there get to be enough [JesusHChrist, May 18 2008]

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       In certain parts of some companies, especially those parts charged with the task of new product strategies, naivete is very intentionally cultured in an attempt to maintain a fresh, non-company-line perspective. Certain employees are often shielded, by policy and practice, from adopting the culture, practices and thinking of the rest of the company.   

       It is my experience that product teams in these companies will listen and assign credibility to these intentionally naive internal teams far more than they will an outside consultancy, at least at the worker-bee level.
bristolz, Jun 14 2005

       To me the Idea reads as follows: Send person from town A to town B and maybe vice versa and have them write down all the bad roadsigns, dangerous places etc. Nothing in there about companies.
Susan, Jun 14 2005

       I guess you and I read it differently. I read the summary line, for example.
bristolz, Jun 14 2005

       Dear Sir, my first report:   

       The men don't wear enough beards, the women don't wear enough clothes, a koran is hard to come by and all the places of worship are of the wrong religion. At least they do have mcdonalds and coca cola.   

       Abdel of Elea, professional newbie.
zeno, Jun 14 2005

       With a minimum of effort this idea could be easily, and usefully, baked by employment agencies. They send staff of varying experience levels out to new employers every day and it wouldn't take a great deal of extra effort if the agency debriefed their staff after the assignment and provided the employer with the results. It sounds like a thoroughly sensible idea to me. Bun.
DrBob, Jun 14 2005

       Dear Mr Mitterand,   

       Where do we begin....   

       <report ends/>
ConsulFlaminicus, Jun 14 2005

       I'm not sure, we have 'professional newbies' operating in the legal compensation field to thank for toothpick instructions, "Careful, contents may be hot" warnings on our Hot Apple Pies and "Warning: This product may contain nuts" signage on packets of peanuts.   

       I agree that we should try to make things operate as clearly and rationally as possible, but do we really want to encourage more of this kind of thing in a world with more than its fair share already?
zen_tom, Jun 14 2005

       [zen] toothpick instructions and cigarette warnings are like baby talk -- they are laughable but they are a good indication that there is more to come.
JesusHChrist, Jun 14 2005

       I like this. I've always thought of this as being part of my job description anyway. Fortunately I'm totally naive in real life too - hey, a natural!   

       There's a brainstorming trick called the "five y's". Basically, it consists of asking "why?" five times. Rather like a toddler. Somehow, it's always appealed to me.
moomintroll, Jun 14 2005

       I feel like I've done this for the past few years, with all of the job shifts.
RayfordSteele, Jun 15 2005

       [bristolz] Maybe I misread you then? I looked to me like you were describing the newbies in a company who were kept newbies for the sake of the company. While this idea seems to be about newbies in a city and a company is created to employ newbies to surch out the 'flaws' in a city.
I read the summary line. It does contain "company". I should have been more elaborate. Hereby.
Susan, Jun 15 2005

       That's quite a turn of phrase you have Susan. Thusly.
wagster, Jun 15 2005

       not bad for E2L
po, Jun 15 2005

       I like the idea of being a professional newbie. Learning to do your job better actually becomes a disadvantage.
wagster, Jun 15 2005

       I know what I mean, [UB] ;)
moomintroll, Jun 15 2005

       [wagster] I'm confused about your anno. What do you mean I had a "turn of phrase". In the first anno I mentioned how I read the Idea. My anno to [bristolz] is no different.
And what do you mean by //Thusly//?
Susan, Jun 15 2005

       What is the meaning of the word "is" ?
DrCurry, Jun 15 2005

       Cheese cake
Susan, Jun 15 2005

       //[wagster] I'm confused about your anno.//
He's just impressed by anyone who can spell 'hereby'.
angel, Jun 15 2005

       To be honest [Susan] I didn't really understand what you meant, but I liked the way it sounded. I responded with something similar. [angel] was spot on really.
wagster, Jun 15 2005

       Newbie, a person of unbridled enthusiasm and unwavering incompetence. Want some?
ldischler, Jun 15 2005

       Sometimes it's the newbie that notices that the Emporer isn't wearing any clothes.
bristolz, Jun 15 2005

       Or that he's transposed his vowels.
ldischler, Jun 15 2005

       Emporer (n): Owner of an emporium.
angel, Jun 15 2005

       //I didn't really understand what you meant, but I liked the way it sounded//
Looks like you returned the favour.
Susan, Jun 16 2005

       Diary entry #395: "Day two on the website. It seems to be an odd sort of pictureless blog of rather useless inventions where everyone seems to be either British or fresh out of school for the weekend..."
RayfordSteele, May 19 2008


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