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Proper distribution of WMD's viz Scotland independence

Fair's fair all that
 
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Should Scotland decide to exit from the United Kingdom, it would be a bit of a devil for UKIP, as they'd have to change all their stationery. But, I digress.

Scotland is the place where the nuclear subs hang out, so presumably Scotland gets the subs, and the rUK gets the missiles.

This disparity is exacerbated by Scotland exporting all the bankers south of the border.

So, a proper ratio of WMD's need to be worked out, with Scotland retaining some of the warheads. I calculate 197.2 bankers can wreak roughly the same human suffering as 1 megaton nuclear warhead.

It also leaves the rUK with a bit of credibility issue, it's simply not possible to mount the missiles on the back a Toyota Landcruiser in the manner of the middle east.

However the rUK has a great many barges, strapped together these florally-decorated nuclear armed vessels will provide a suitable deterrent force.

They could also be used as aircraft carriers, with all the wheelhouses taken off.

not_morrison_rm, Sep 15 2014

Only mildly plagarised from.. Narrowboat_20aircraft_20carrier
[not_morrison_rm, Sep 15 2014]

English ICBM in silo ready for launch http://i.dailymail....578-210_468x286.jpg
[pocmloc, Sep 15 2014]

Spin-off idea Landia
[not_morrison_rm, Sep 17 2014]

X Minus 1, radio adaptations of 1950's SF https://archive.org/details/XMinus1_A
The ones that aren't obviously just cold war from a different angle tend to be the best [not_morrison_rm, Sep 19 2014]

[link]






       //it's simply not possible to mount the missiles on the back a Toyota Landcruiser//

Prove it!
DrBob, Sep 15 2014
  

       I'd be happy to send a few WMDs to parts of Scotland.   

       Incidentally, the UK can still call itself the UK even if Scotland goes. It will just be "The United Kingdom of England, Wales and Nornairn" as opposed to " United Kingdom of Great Britain and Nornairn".
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 15 2014
  

       Narrowboats don't have wheelhouses. Not proper narrowboats, anyway.   

       Wales is not a kingdom therefore can't be united with anything.
pocmloc, Sep 15 2014
  

       //can still call itself the UK//   

       Any country can call itself anything. Even if Wales splits and North South Africa joins the former black race, you can still say the remaining kingdom is united in believing your shared delusion of grandeur.
rcarty, Sep 15 2014
  

       Thinking about it, the calculation is more complex, as Scotland has all the bagpipes.   

       >English ICBM in silo ready for launch   

       Problem, you can't move a silo around and the Trident missiles only have a range of 7000 miles, so enemies only need to be about 7003 miles away to avoid annihilation, so if I was AQ or whoever, I'd be breaking out the tape measure.   

       Anyway, Little Britain does have ring to it, and a sceptre and a crown. Possibly some earrings. Alternatively we could just go for some bad tattooing and can of lager as regal garb. NB Large sections of the UK seemed to be garbed in "SuperDry" jackets last time I was there...I only know this as a boring brand of Japanese lager.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 15 2014
  

       // presumably Scotland gets the subs, and the rUK gets the missiles. //   

       Not necessarily- a singular advantage of subs is that they're very capable of moving quite quickly and very quietly to somewhere else.   

       // This disparity is exacerbated by Scotland exporting all the bankers south of the border. //   

       ... presumably as a simple act of malice.   

       // I calculate 197.2 bankers can wreak roughly the same human suffering as 1 megaton nuclear warhead. //   

       You've got the decimal point in the wrong place ...   

       // not possible to mount the missiles on the back a Toyota Landcruiser //   

       No, but it could tow a couple on a trailer. A pickup truck coukd easily carry half a dozen warheads.   

       // However the rUK has a great many barges, strapped together these florally-decorated nuclear armed vessels will provide a suitable deterrent force. //   

       Deterring what, exactly ?   

       // Narrowboats don't have wheelhouses. Not proper narrowboats, anyway. //   

       Yes, but the idea does say "barge"; a narrowboat is very definitely not the same as a barge, barges are much broader in the beam, and some do have wheelhouses. The distinction between barges, lighters, yawls and other such vessels are clear to enthusiasts, and obscure to everyone else.
8th of 7, Sep 15 2014
  

       Truesay, narrowboat.   

       What's really needed is a lightweight carbon fibre silo, and a lot of squaddies to to do the digging.   

       At a moment's notice the silo can be repositioned anywhere in the world, well, anywhere that's not that rocky.   

       As a spin off, after the crisis, the silo is removed and the locals get a free well. Anyone coming up with comments about predestination will be frowned on.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 15 2014
  

       // anywhere that's not that rocky. //   

       So not in Scotland, then.
baconbrain, Sep 15 2014
  

       //anywhere that's not that rocky.//   

       I vote for Quebec.   

       //very capable of moving quite quickly and very quietly to somewhere else.   

       Yes, but limited to places that are underwater. Everyone knows that half of those missile tubes on a sub are for storing the log rollers needed for traversing deserts.   

       As for an arboreal hiding place, there is no published data on the brachiationary performance of any current NATO submarines.   

       Might this not point to the real reason for the use of agent orange in the vietnam conflict? To cut down on the movement of those arboreal Chinese submarines?
not_morrison_rm, Sep 16 2014
  

       // there is no published data on the brachiationary performance of any current NATO submarines //   

       Of course not, performance data like that are highly classified.
8th of 7, Sep 16 2014
  

       As I suspected....probably still trying to find a large enough loin-cloth and lianas capable of supporting 17,000 tonnes or so.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 16 2014
  

       For the sake of finances, I recommend diversifying Scotland's economy with some others, preferrably in sunnier parts of the world. Perhaps a Confederation of Scotland, Quebec, Catalan, Hong Kong, Texas, Kurdistan, Eastern Ukraine, the Gaza Strip, Tibet, and bits and smatterings of Syria would be feasible...
RayfordSteele, Sep 16 2014
  

       //I'd be happy to send a few WMDs to parts of Scotland.//   

       Nice. If I recall correctly, the UK arsenal is limited to SLBM's. Now, even with depressed balistic trajectories, there is a minimum range for (IC/SL)BM's. So strangely enough, you probably couldn't hit scotland from your new missile bunkers if they were onshore. You'd have to move the launch site to probably halfway across Europe or more before you could hit Scotland. Maybe you could ask one of your allies to deliver a warhead or two to Scotland instead? I hear the super-dooper express shipping method has a lead time of as little as 30 minutes. I'd think there'd be a couple that would appreciate the liquid capital.
Custardguts, Sep 16 2014
  

       Hmm, considering the rUK's possible loss of a bit, how about replacing the lost Scotland with Ukraine? It already has has the appropriate first two letters.   

       It'll at least avoid having to change all the letterheads.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 16 2014
  

       Hmmm, in anticipation of the possible succession of Scotland, I would like to announce that I have now adopted the Saint Andrew's Cross as my personal standard. Flying the flag proudly in front of my hovel, I have voted to join the United Kingdom in exchange for a single payment of a mere 500,000 GBP as equalization transfer or "welcome bonus" if you will. This will be much much cheaper for the UK than changing the Union Jack. Former colonies such as Australia and New Zealand should be more than happy to contribute.   

       The smaller, tropical states who still have the Union Jack on their flags, such as Tuvalu, Fiji and Hawaii can provide me with small, beachfront properties.
AusCan531, Sep 16 2014
  

       //This will be much much cheaper for the UK than changing the Union Jack.   

       I think a couple of white marker pens would be cheaper. Expect Tippex prices to double overnight.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 17 2014
  

       I thought the correct English response was to maintain stiff upper lip, no need to change the flag, we still have the Empire what? Nothing has changed really. How frightfully dull things are these days!
pocmloc, Sep 17 2014
  

       [AusCan] //Hmmm, in anticipation of the possible succession of Scotland// - that sounds scary, unless you meant "secession".
hippo, Sep 17 2014
  

       Ummm, no. That's just "secession" with a Scottish accent?
AusCan531, Sep 17 2014
  

       //fax modem tones and bagpipes   

       Which century are they living in?   

       >English ICBM in silo ready for launch   

       Thinking about it, how do they light the blue touchpaper on a sub? what happens if a drip from the hatch puts it out?
not_morrison_rm, Sep 17 2014
  

       SLBMs are expelled from the launch tube by a blast of compressed gas, a sort of airgun writ large; the motor doesn't ignite until the tail of the missile is clear of the surface of the sea, at which point the solid-fuel motor kicks in - thus there is a protective layer of water between the rocket exhaust, and the submarine.   

       Igniting a motor within the launch tube would be a Bad Thing.   

       If the motor fails to ignite, then the standard operating procedure is to send a Royal Marine after it with a Zippo lighter.   

       // Scotland has all the bagpipes //   

       "Bagpipes don't kill bagpipers - people - especially music lovers - kill bagpipers".
8th of 7, Sep 17 2014
  

       //Now, even with depressed balistic trajectories, there is a minimum range for (IC/SL)BM's.//   

       My bm's have a very limited range. But if you ask my wife, I'd bet she'd exaggerate it.
RayfordSteele, Sep 17 2014
  

       //bagpipes   

       Yeah, but if there'd been a good guy there with a bagpipe, it would never have happened.   

       Oops, wrong thread. Anyway, I'd heard that the Marine is supposed to yank on the bit of string tied to a match between two bits of sandpaper in the nozzle. Initially the matches were impregnated with flenting wax, but the contract got cancelled after Sturton's behaviour when someone said "impregnated". The litigation goes on to this day, as far as I know.   

       Anyway, surely to launch a misfire, caber tossing would be the ideal practice and all the sub bases are in Scotland. Funny that.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 17 2014
  

       Some American newsperson was just saying that most Londoners can't seem to imagine Great Britain without Scotland. I have trouble imagining that, too. If the Scots can just up and row away with their end of the island, they won't need any WMDs.   

       <scots accent> "The good news is extra haggis. The bad news is that the captain wants to ram Blackpool after lunch."</scots accent>
baconbrain, Sep 18 2014
  

       Damn, damn, damn..the no voters won. That's nothing to do with Noh theatre by the way. Was looking forwards to refugee camps full of bankers.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 19 2014
  

       Yes indeed, a sad day for all true Englishmen...
8th of 7, Sep 19 2014
  

       I don't fit in the category twice, as it were. Ho hum, let's see what pathetic powers get handed over by Westminster...   

       Currently consoling self with X Minus One 1 radio adaptations of 1950's SF short stories, some of them are pretty damn good. Think the Beeb never did a lot of that, bar a few John Wyndham stories. Linky
not_morrison_rm, Sep 19 2014
  
      
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